Confused :S

[Axelx]

hey everyone, been thinking about this allot this past few months since before it was just sexual but now these past few months i have developed feelings for this guy. i have always been taught that being gay/bi since my family are christian's. i how ever always dismissed that n thought it was ok. when i was 8 or 9 started to have thoughts like "hmm that guy is cute" but always dismissed it. when i entered puberty i liked girls allot but also i would get the occasional boner over a guy. i haven't had sex yet and i have only gone out with a girl before and done stuff with a girl but now i am starting to have feelings over this guy. im still a bit unsure of what i am but problem is that mostly all my family think being gay or bi is wrong and i have a cuz who is bi and for a long while they stopped talking to her even her dad. my mum i know will be ok with it but i know my dad wont be and will prob throw me out of the house they are divorced and live in separate places but i don't want to loose my relationship with dad. Can any of you give me some advice?

[Zazu]

Religion causes lots of problems in this world; here the problem seems to be peoples' views on sexuality :(

First thing to remeber, when going through puberty your hormones will be all over the place; don't decide on your sexuality until you are completely sure.

If you do feel that you are bisexual / homosexual, don't worry! It's natural, there's nothing wrong with it, you can't control it. Even though you might have been brought up to think that it's wrong, it isn't, even if other people tell you it is imo. It must be a pretty worrying thought that if you ever came out to your Dad you might get kicked out of your house, but you get people in this world who have strong views on certain things, in this case sexuality. You are who you are, your dad might not like it but don't feel that you have to change within yourself just because of that.

In terms of coming out to people, it might be a hard choice to make but you have to think to yourself: "If I come out to my Dad / other relatives, will it cause more harm than good in the long run?", and in this situation from what you've said it might be best not to make your feelings completely known to your dad atm. Best thing to do if you do want to come out to people is to think of people who you know will respect who you are, people who won't judge you just because you come out as bi/homosexual. These people might be some members of your family or some of your good close friends.

Just remeber, you are who you are so don't feel that you should change who you are inside just because of what some people might think. Also, think about your decisions before you make them, i.e. "Am I really bi/homosexual?", "Do I want to come out to anyone?" and who you come out to.

Sorry for long post but hope this helps a bit :)

[byee]

This question/issue comes up a lot. Let me add to David's excellent response to you.

Your sexuality isn't determined by who you 'like' or who you're attracted to. It's much more than that, it's much deeper and more complicated. It relates more to how you see and experience yourself and others, how they've treated you and nurturted you and made you feel about yourself as a guy, and how you experienced them as men and women. It's about who you trust and who you look to as a primary source of nurturance (deep emotional care).

During puberty, everything seems to be sexual, but that's the result of the impact of all those intense hormones. It's only a very small peice of actual sexual orientation.

It's Ok to feel love towards anyone of either gender. It's OK to feel an attraction towards anyone of either gender. And all it might mean is that you are very aware, or as I like to say, have eyeballs that function properly.

Family values and religion can complicate all this, but it's important to remember that what you're feeling isn't necessarily refllective of anyything other than feelings, it's not necessarily predictive (or indicative) of your actual sexuality, which emerges slowly, over time.

So, I'd recommend you NOT judge yourself (or these urges), and just acknowledge that they're there, and maybe explore relationships with girls and see how that feels, what develops inside when you're with them.

[nick]

Welcome to vt Axelx. There's a lot of good advice from the guys above, so I don't have all that much to add.

What I would say is don't be in too much of a hurry to attach a label, like 'gay' or 'bi' to your sexuality. Its a confusing time and there's just no need to jump to any conclusion. In the mean time your thoughts on your sexuality are private to you. You can of course share them on here and will find plenty of people with the same doubts and worries who will try to help. But there's no need to rush into any sudden 'coming out' moment.

Strong religious views can be a problem, but I bet underneath all that your dad will always love you no matter what.

[Axelx]

thanks everyone you guys have helped allot =]

[ErykaInspire.]

My entire family is homophobic. I bring up the occasional "bi" factor with my mom (normally discussing my gay/bi friends.) and she gets into a fit about it, and i of coarse, defend my friends.
So she always asks me if i'm bi, and I honestly don't know.
I've only had feelings for one girl and she's my bestest friend EVER (and she's actually told me that if she were to ever be a lesbian, she wants it to be with me) We've held hands, flirted, and found eachothers turn-on spots. And often tease eachother with it.
so i'd try to bring up the subject with your dad (just talk about a friend or something) and try to slowely work "dad, i think i might be.." into it. If he starts to flip just be like "listen.. i'm your son. you're supposed to love me unconditionally, right? Well, just listen to what I have to say.." and explain it to him.
If you need anything, let me know. i'm here for you(:

And again, idk if i'm bi, or if it's just a strong feeling for this one girl. Because every other girl i've ever seen, i'm not even remotely attracted to.
Plus I have a man in my life<333