The best way to say it?

[nachtspiegel]

I have something that I need to say to my mother, but I know that talking to her about it will only lead to another full-blown fight, which is the last thing that either one of us need right now.

I know that some of the things that I say in here - such as "it just would've turned into a fight" and "if you actually want to talk about this" seem a little accusatory, but I worded the entire letter (or note, if you will,) the way that I did.

Bascially, the situation is that my sister, niece, parents, and I are living in a three bedroom apartment. My dad can't smoke in the same room as my mom so he demands a room to do that in. My sister and my niece (who is ten and shouldn't be in the same room with her mother) are sharing a room. My parents are in the same room. That leaves me to sleeping in the living room. My mom likes leaving the television all night, and the light, too. It causes a fight when I want to go to sleep and I ask her to turn the t.v. down so that I can fall asleep.
Although it's better than sleeping on the streets, I'll soon be back in school, and I'll still be working, and there's no way that I'm going to be useful during the day if I can't sleep. "Moving out" of my mother's is a weird idea considering that I've been gone plenty times before by means of being kicked out, but this time, I'm looking to find a way to have my own apartment, or possibly move in with someone that I know that I can live with.

Anyway, here is what I wrote to her:

Hey there,
I mentioned earlier where I could leave this - where you could find it and where no one else can - because I have a particular something that I need to get off my chest. I saw no point in trying to verbalize this because it would’ve just turned into a fight.
I am looking to move out this summer or fall. I need room to breathe. I need to be able to shut a door and have privacy. I need to be able to fall asleep at night without the TV or the light on. Your first reaction is probably “how do you intend to do that?” I honestly don’t know, but if it really gets to that point, I guess I’ll have to figure it out.
I’m not writing this as a “if you don’t do this, I’m going to do this” speech. I just don’t want to end up leaving without trace or reason. If you actually want to talk about this, that’s fine, but I’m only interested if what you have in mind is proactive and non-confrontational. Hopefully, you’ll understand.
-David

I'm not sure why I posted this, but I guess there aren't too many wrong reasons to post on here, right?

[byee]

David, I have to ask what the point of that letter is? You're saying that you don't want to antagonize or provoke her, but that letter really might accomplish both.

If your point is to try to make life more comfortable for yourself for the time you're remaining at home, you might try something a bit more concilatory. People are more likely to respond to something respectful and pleasant (even if the underlying message about your feelings isnlt), then soemthing that's demanding, however justified you might be. The goal is to get something from the other person, not vent your frustration or feelings in general. And in order to get the former, you have to control the latter and keep it out of the way. You can do business with people who infuriate you if you keep your expectations clear and reasonable. Getting something is a probability, changing her isn't.

So, how about: "Mom, I'd like to talk with you about some of the things that are going on at home that are bothering me and interferring with my well being. Do you think we might come to some agreement about TV watching at night? I usually like to turn in about 'x' PM, and the TV being on in the same room interferes with that. Maybe we could find some time to talk about this (and some of my other concerns) soon, i'd really appreciate that time. Thanks, David"

[nachtspiegel]

I've done that and it hasn't worked. It turns into "fine, I'll just sit in the fucking dark if that's what you really want."
I won't be bothered to be nice about something when I know that I won't get a decent reaction - why should I? I'm not a door mat.
The only reason I even felt the need to tell her is because I'm going to have to get a bank account and start putting money in it, and from what I gather, if you're under eighteen, you have to have a parent involved when you go to set up a savings account.

[byee]

Well, I tried. Do what you need to survive. Frankly, it sounds like the people in your family don't play by the basic rules that govern most human interaction, so it's an 'everyman for himself' attitude. In that case, your response to mom's answer ('Fine, I'll sit in the dark') might be,
"thank you, I appreciate your understanding. let's start tonite."

[nachtspiegel]

One time, she came off with that and I was like "well, take a flashlight so you can see where you're going if you have to move."
I'm just tired of walking on eggshells every time I talk to her.