After 11 months, I just cut again. :(

[dstnyisurs]

Well, after nearly eleven months, last night I cut again. I had been wanting to more then usual... and I just did it. I did it with the little hook on the nailclippers, because it's a tiny bit sharp on mine... but I almost sliced with my knife instead and that would have been real blood right there...
But it felt good. It fucking felt good. I was so... accomplised and at the same time I felt so shameful because I had been going so long not doing it, and my friends were counting on me not to... and I knew it was proof I was relapsing and it could be bad.. and I was frantic. My mind was racing and I was like, who can I tell??? Because I recently lost like the only friend that truly KNEW. She knew, she had seen me when I was like wanting to cut, she's had to talk me down from being so ... antsy that I had to do something. And I didn't know who to talk to...
So I told my best friend Jared... because he knows... and one of my friends Cailey becuase I need to tell people that I'm relapsing so that I don't keep it in.. and these people I trust.... I just needed to tell those two people. But they are the only ones who know... and I don't know what to do. I can't relapse. I can't. I can't let myself. But I want to so bad. I just want to fall into the pit....
I feel like such a fuckup.

[Miss Punk]

You're not a fuck up. If you are, I am one too. Relapses can happen to anyone. I've been having them over and over again for four years. 11 months is an amazing amount of time not to cut, you've already shown yourself that you don't need to cut. You can make yourself feel good other ways. Try not to fall back into old patterns, they are so much harder to get out of and so easy to get into. Please take care of yourself xx

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I know you can beat this! I know you are strong enough to fight off this temptation! I believe you can do it! I know it's hard but you can do it! I know you can! 11 months is so good! I'm proud of you!

[Fiending_the_freedom]

you know you can quit for 11 months, you can do it again, try to go longer this time if you can! every one makes mistakes its human nature, have confidence in yourself, we all know you can do it.

[dstnyisurs]

Mhm... thank you. Just... idk needed to rant. I tend to blame myself for everything so thus.. yeah

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I blame myself for a lot of things too...and that just pushes me towards cutting more...

[ErykaInspire.]

I've relapsed 7times after 2 years of cutting/chronic depression.
It IS hard, I know. Expecially being addicted to it.
It does feel good, but you have to remember the concequences.
Your friend seems like she really understands you, go talk to her. I'm sure she can help.
Even if you just vent to her, it helps to get it all out.
Write a note, post a blog, cut up paper. They all help me.
If you need anything, PM me.

[Triceratops]

Over such a long period of time, it's natural to go back to your old ways at one point in your journey to recovery. Just take a step back, and start over. If you could do this for 11 months it's more than possible that you'll go longer without cutting next time.

It sounds like you have some good friends there, so hang on to them. They can support you and help you fight the temptations that may occur sooner or later again.

If you are ever stressed, hurt or simply don't think you can cope, please feel free to PM me whenever you need help or want to talk.
Stay strong, we all know you can do it. <3