Paranoia

[Agent]

Does anyone here have paranoia? Because I have. I think that people around me talk about me, my friends really don´t like me, I´m adopted, someone of my relatives is spying my computer(I´m now getting off of this), and sometimes I even feel that my parent´s have set cameras in to my room to keep an eye on me(even thou I haven´t seen the cameras). My strongest paranoid episode was in school, when I started thinking that every person is the same person who just has supernatural powers so he can be in many plaves at the same time. And almost everytime my phone rings, I think the police is calling.

I can usually control my thoughts so it doesn´t really bother me much. It´s not scary anymore, only annoying.

[underageflyklub]

I do, quite severely. I too think my parents have put cameras in my room- any form of recording device. I always think my friends hate me, believe people are watching me, and am failing quite badly at school because I'm afraid people are watching me work and judging me. I get to the point where I can leave the house because I think people are watching me or talking about me.
I'm really paranoid of myself too- I swear to god there is something wrong with me (which there is I guess?), and I don't know if people are controlling my thoughts or trying to drug my food or drink, and I don't trust my judgement. At times, I'm not sure if I've imagined doing something or whether I've actually done it. (A bit off the point :l)

I sometimes have paranoid episodes where I think everything around me isn't real and that I'm part of my own imagination. That sounds weird, sorry.

Today, I was in isolation, and shitting myself the whole time because I thought the teachers behind me were talking about me. When they started to whisper, that made it even worse. Though, I just kinda stuck through it, I almost left but yano, that would have been hard to explain :/

How long have you felt this way?
Sorry if this sounds rude but- have you done any drugs? Stuff like weed doesn't help.

[Agent]

I have always been a little paranoid. I have always thought that people around me talk about me(even when I was little). My paranoia just got worse about an 1 month ago.

Anyway, about the drugs...
I have done alcohol, caffeine(I heard that big amount of caffeine can cause temporary paranoia) tobacco and some medicine that contained opium(I´m not talking about codeine, it was opium, but it´s removed from the drug stores these days).
But, have you done any drugs?

Do you ever think that you are just imagining your paranoia? Sometimes I feel like I have just made up this to get attention, but I just believe in my lies so much that they feel true. But I´m still pretty sure I´m not faking my paranoia.

[underageflyklub]

When I was a child, I used to think I was being watched by stuff. I also used to think there were cameras watching me. But then I kinda grew out of it?
Up till this past.. 12 months, it seems to have come back again.
I was always a bit paranoid too, anyway- around people, I didn't trust them and misjudged their intentions.

I've done alcohol, caffeine, tobacco,
And I have done weed a few times, but I haven't for a long long time because it made me far too paranoid the whole time and was a horrifying experience. That's all, though. Thankfully it didn't make things any worse (not that I noticed, anyway) I think because I didn't do it often and for such a short period of time.

I get scared I'm imagining it :/ I don't think I've made it up. I really, really hope I haven't. But whenever I think I have, that scares me because the aspect of me not being in control (which I'm not anyway I guess) and feelings of me being delusional kinda take over my brain.
I'm not sure if I'm faking it, I don't think I am, no I'm not.. I'm not the happiest person for a lot of other reasons too, it worries me because I don't know if I'm making them up or not.
I'm kinda worried I have made it up.. surely that's a problem in itself? Not knowing what's real.

Sometimes I don't know whether I'm being paranoid or things like people watching me is true. Now, I'm trying to be rational about the whole thing. But. Idk. It might be true :S

Sorry, this is a really long ramble.

[Agent]

I have to ask you. Do you have friends and are you happy when you spend time with them? In school I am always with my friends(even thou sometimes I start thinking that they don´t really like me). I´m always happy in school and everyone in school sees me as a positive person who is almost never feeling sad. In home I´m not so happy.

Right now I´m thinking that my mother might be sexually interested about me...
Arrgghhh...

[underageflyklub]

I do have mates, and I'm pretty happy most of the time with them. They keep me distracted from any paranoid thoughts. Unless it's awkward or quiet, or they aren't talking to me.. then I tend to get a little paranoid, thinking I've done something or they're trying to ditch me.
But I just think to myself - they haven't ditched me yet, right? What's gunna change? - and sometimes it works.

I'm quite positive around them.. It's when I'm by myself that's the problem. Sometimes when I'm with my mates I will be quite unhappy, but that's just a depressed spiral that I need to wait till it's over. Or in lessons it's difficult- if I feel paranoid and think other students are watching me.. do you ever get that?

I'm scared about leaving school? I'm going to college in September- it's meeting people that I'm so worried about, I don't know how paranoid I will be.. I'm really nervous about it :\

I'm sorry you feel so paranoid.
I think you can ensure yourself that your mother isn't sexually interested in you :) Can you distract yourself in anyway?

Don't worry about asking questions or anything.. it's quite nice having someone to talk too about it, as horrid as that sounds :)

[Agent]

Yep, I always feel that the teacher is keeping an eye on me in the class.

I just got over that "sexually interested" thing. But now I´m thinking that someone has been on my computer while I was in school(it´s impossible because my parents don´t know how to use a computer and my brother lives in his own house).

But I have to ask a one thing. Do you ever see things? I see things everyday. They are normally bugs, spiders, light flashes and a man who has black clothes. They last only about 1-3 seconds and I know they are not real. But yesterday I saw that man in black clothes and I thought it was real. Then I looked again and it was gone, so I knew it was only a hallucination.

I also have trouble from telling was something a dream or real. I remember that my techer was angy at me because of something, but I´m not sure did it really happen or was it just a dream. Do you think I might have schizophrenia?

[underageflyklub]

Ahh, I often think people are on my computer. That's annoying.

I don't want to scare you in any way, but there is no reason to rule out schizophrenia. But please remember- I'm no doctor.
However, it does sound like you're going through a tough time with this, schizophrenia or not :/

But seeing things is never easy, and could get you into a difficult situation. Also like knowing what's real and what's not real- I've gotton myself into awkward situations in the past, purely because I thought I was dreaming.

I sometimes see things. Like you, light flashes, or things out of the corner of my eye. I never see anything like people, though. At least, I don't think I do. I suppose I might? I can't really trust myself in this situation. Sometimes I think I see things but know I haven't. Does that count?

I'm thinking about speaking to a doctor, because my paranoia is really quite effecting me. I know they could give me a hand or at least a more professional view on this. Maybe you should too?

It is the symptoms of schizophrenia. The sooner it's found, the better.

You don't deserve to be going through this, either way. It's a pain in the ass.

[Agent]

At least I´m not going to tell my parents first about my symptoms, because I´m very sure they will blame the videogames and computer use(I use the computer alot).

I´m neither always sure do I really see things.

[underageflyklub]

I haven't told my parents either.. I know a lot of people say you should, but right now I'm coping. If the doctor does think it's something serious, then I will tell them.
But otherwise... well, they have enough on their plates right now.

I hope it all goes well. Keep me informed?
Good luck. :)

[Agent]

Do you have any thoughts that many people would see as evil? I have been thinking lately that people with developmental disabilities should be killed in a gas chamber. I even saw a dream about that and... I kinda enjoyed it.
This is a very strange thing. I don´t want to think like that, but I feel that something forces me to think so.

I heard it´s one symptom of schizophrenia. Maybe I really have it, even thou it´s very uncommon at this young age(13).

Now I´m afraid something bad is going to happen when I go to 7th grade. The 7th grade is at the different school and everyone in my class go there when the next school year starts. Some 9th graders put 7th graders heads in the toilet and then flush the toilet. I´m afraid they might do it to me(I´ve gotten threats about wetting my head in the toilet when I´m at 7th even since 3rd grade).

Does some specific sounds make you feel angry, sad or anything? I have this kind of a problem. The sound usually changes. Last week hearing my mother swallowing food/drink made me feel like I should run, scream and cry at the same time. This week I get a little sad/angry when I hear coughing. Not in the crowded places, but in home.

[Peter_]

im kinda weird... u know that film uh, truman. this is gonna sound stupid but i kinda thought that i was like the main character (but aware that everyone abd everything around me is a cruel hoax, or some bizarre experiment to see if i react under certain stimuli..) its kinda lyk the matrix as well.. as i said, im kinda weird.

[Agent]

Truman show? Yes, I know that film. But I´ve never had so strong paranoia episode, that I would think that my life is just a tv show that some guys watch somewhere.

[underageflyklub]

I've had some really bad paranoid episodes.
One in town were I genuinely believed, and could hear, voices talking about me and saying horrid things about me. Another in town where I thought my friends were going to rape me, and I had to get away and ugh. And then one at home where I became somewhere disattatched to myself, and thought that the world was a plot and none of it was actually real. They were all kinda scary.
They were so real.. it was horrid.

And yes, to earlier- I do have a lot of evil thoughts. Not so much at people with developmental disabilities, or anything like that, but against people around me usually, friends or people in my school.
And when i comes to torture, or gruesome things normal people don't like.. well, I don't have a problem with them. Even like it, sometimes. I sound so twisted :P

The slightest thing will make me angry or sad, often. My mother asks me a question and it will infuriate me. People walk in front of me and I just want to kill them.

I don't know.

[Agent]

I haven´t been very paranoid today. Today I only thought that people were whispering rumours about me. I also thought that teachers in my school really laugh at me.

But few days ago I saw a dream were I killed all my friends. When I woke up, I thought it was totally real. It took about 2 hours to realize it was just a dream. I was thinking how could I not get caught by police and etc.

I´m also afraid that I would lose control over myself. Like, yesterday I was on a one bridge with my friend. I was afraid that I would jump off the bridge. It felt kinda good idea to jump.

Few days ago I also heard someone vomiting in our toilet at night. I went to look and there was nothin´. I still heard the sound after looking for about 10 seconds.