I ATE!! it's a good thing right?

[sienna.]

okay so things have been pretty hectic lately.
i moved hospital..
because they wouldn't let me see matt and all this, so now i am in a hospital that has an eating disorder section...
i know weight 35 kilos... ewww...

but today something happened and i really don't know what to think about it.
today i ate something for the first time in a long time (still have the tube in)
i ate half a cup of rice.
and while i really didn't want to.
it was like something had changed.
i havn't thrown it up and i didn't feel as bad eating it??

and i am a bit scared about these feelings.

is this a good thing??

[Sapphire]

Yes, it is a good thing. You have started to turn a corner where eating a tiny portion of food doesn't make you feel truly awful.
I can understand you being scared of these feelings, but that would probably be because they are so different to the ones that have been familiar to you for a long time.

[ShatteredWings]

YES! this is a great thing

eating is NEVER bad.. even when it feels that way...

[BuryYourFlame]

awesome work sienna, we're all so proud of you :D

this is a great step in the recovery process, keep up the good work :)

[Triceratops]

Yes, this is a very good thing. :)
Take it step by step, even eating the tiniest of portions doesn't seem that bad anymore and gradually you will be more keen on eating a bit more. You are on your way to doing extremely well.

At first you will feel scared as this is a big change for you and you're used to those *old* feelings. Continue to keep up the good work when you'll get used to these treatments, and you will no longer feel as scared, you'll begin to feel more content.

It'd be so nice to see things work out for you.

[Donkey]

That's great! Keep on going on that way, bit by bit. Don't rush yourself now that you've come this far, you still have to go gradually. :)

I'm very proud of you :) Keep us updated as always.

[AllThatIsLeft]

YAYYY SIENNA! that is great. =] i'm really happy for you. dont worry about it, it is absolutely fine. =]

[sienna.]

ohhh guys!!!!

i was so happy today. i woke up and i was kinda proud of myself for what i ate yesterday.
i wasn't as terrified about this feeling.
still scared, but not terrified.

then i got a visit from my girl best friend telling me that her and matt slept together...
and then other things happened....
(read my post in love section if you want to know the rest)

and now i am right back to the start!!
i have made myself throw up a few times so far today, havn't touched a thing!!

i have gone back down to hell!!! :(

i want to be where i was yesterday!!!
everyone was so proud of me and now... :(

[BuryYourFlame]

dont worry about it, this is normal, everyone has bad times when they are trying to recover, just try not to let this slip up get to you. and also, try and remember, we always love you, that is why we want you to recover :) (for the record, we are still proud of you, you made a great achievement, one slip up isn't going to take that away)

[Sapphire]

I am so sorry about your friend. That was a bitch of a thing for her to do.

Please don't beat yourself up too much. Everyone is going to slip-up when they start on the road of recovery. Try to look at today as a stepping stone. You proved to yourself that you can eat a little portion of food and keep it down without feeling awful. You can keep fighting this.
We are here for you.

[Truth]

ohhh guys!!!!

i was so happy today. i woke up and i was kinda proud of myself for what i ate yesterday.
i wasn't as terrified about this feeling.
still scared, but not terrified.

then i got a visit from my girl best friend telling me that her and matt slept together...
and then other things happened....
(read my post in love section if you want to know the rest)

and now i am right back to the start!!
i have made myself throw up a few times so far today, havn't touched a thing!!

i have gone back down to hell!!! :(

i want to be where i was yesterday!!!
everyone was so proud of me and now... :( Hey, don't let a guy who's abused you and cheated on you ruin your life. Or your just letting him win; your letting yourself become the loser. Why do you think were not proud? I know you hate me, but i'm glad you ate. You should try to again, without matt. You don't need him to get through this sienna..

[Donkey]

ohhh guys!!!!

i was so happy today. i woke up and i was kinda proud of myself for what i ate yesterday.
i wasn't as terrified about this feeling.
still scared, but not terrified.

then i got a visit from my girl best friend telling me that her and matt slept together...
and then other things happened....
(read my post in love section if you want to know the rest)

and now i am right back to the start!!
i have made myself throw up a few times so far today, havn't touched a thing!!

i have gone back down to hell!!! :(

i want to be where i was yesterday!!!
everyone was so proud of me and now... :(
:(

If she wants to go through all the things that he did to you, that's her problem. You should not be upset that she has gone for someone who abused you and is obviously not a good boyfriend. I think you should try your real best to get over Matt. He's scum, remember that. He's taken you to this hell, why do you care so much for him?

Please try to eat something. You were doing so well yesterday.. and it wasn't that hard, right? Remember this is good for you. Please hun <3

[sienna.]

i care for him, because i love him.
and i know that he loves me.
but sometimes he doesn't make the right choices.

i had a counsiling session before.
and he told me that i need to let go of all this guilt that i am carrying.
otherwise i am not going to get better.
and the reason that i ate the other day and felt good was because i has having a good day, and there was no drama.

but now all of this has happened, and i am just back to my worst.
i don't know how i am going to get rid of all this guilt.
i have done horrible things.

but i want to get better.
i want to go back to that day were i felt okay to eat the rice!!!
i really do!!

[Truth]

i had a counsiling session before.
and he told me that i need to let go of all this guilt that i am carrying.
otherwise i am not going to get better.
and the reason that i ate the other day and felt good was because i has having a good day, and there was no drama.

but now all of this has happened, and i am just back to my worst.
i don't know how i am going to get rid of all this guilt.
i have done horrible things.

but i want to get better.
i want to go back to that day were i felt okay to eat the rice!!!
i really do!!

i care for him, because i love him.
and i know that he loves me.
but sometimes he doesn't make the right choices. Forget about matt sienna. He's holding you back. If he loved you AT ALL he wouldnt be. Stop telling yourself he does, and you'll have that nice day again very soon.

[sienna.]

letting matt go is not that simple!!!
it's not as easy as what you think alright!
we have been through a lot.
and we love eachother.
so...
i am not ready to let him go just yet.
i want to see what he has to say first.

[Donkey]

Sienna. I think at the moment, you seriously need to focus on getting better rather than Matt. He's holding you back from you helping yourself. What you have is serious, and it needs to be treated. Although you may love Matt, just try to focus on getting better. Worrying so much will do you no good.

[Shattered Soul]

Heya, Jon's right, I know from personal experiences that letting someone who's hurt you carry on hurting you by making you feel like this wont help you recover from an eating disorder.
I can tell you really love this guy, and I know it'll be difficult to be away from him but you really need to concentrate on getting better. It will be very difficult to succeed if you let him hold you back. I was psychologically and emotionally abused by a guy at college, after 2 months of him doing this, I developed an eating disorder and wasn't able to recover from it until I stopped being his friend. I'm sure you'll be able to recover too if you let this guy go.

xxCathyxx

[Specter]

This is great news! I hope you’re able to keep on the right track! Try not to let your emotions interferer with your eating habits.

Keep up the good work!

[sienna.]

today is going to be a good day!!!
i can tell.
matt had a sleep over at the hospital last night.
it was soo goood.

and then for breakfast i have half a small apple.
and the doctor said if i can show them that i can start to eat then they will take my feeding tube out.
i got weighed today..
they didn't tell me how much a weigh.. and it's killing me.
but i am trying not to think about it.

today is going to be a good day.
:)

[Triceratops]

today is going to be a good day!!!
i can tell.
matt had a sleep over at the hospital last night.
it was soo goood.

and then for breakfast i have half a small apple.
and the doctor said if i can show them that i can start to eat then they will take my feeding tube out.
i got weighed today..
they didn't tell me how much a weigh.. and it's killing me.
but i am trying not to think about it.

today is going to be a good day.
:)

This is a great attitude to have.
Keep this up! :)

Continue to do what you're doing and you'll succeed, no doubt about it.

[Sapphire]

Well done, Sienna. You are doing well! :)

[sienna.]

ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

it's not fair!!!!!!!!!
they told me that they would take the feeding tube out this week, because i was starting to eat!!

but today they told me that they arn't going to take it out for a while longer,
because even though i have started eating, i am not eating enough.

i have started eating about 500 calories a day (which is like 300 more than usual)
but they said that i ahve to eat at least 1700 calories a day, for them to take it out!!!


ARHHH!!! :(

[ShatteredWings]

Wow

WHile that is a lot more than you're used to [hell..thats' more than i'm used to to be honest], and probably a little harsh, iit's probably really best for you.

you know you've gotten too thin. but you CAN do this. really u can. :)

[BuryYourFlame]

i know it seems like a lot hon...but it will help you...please try and trust the doctors...they know what is best

[EverlostPoet]

Keep it up, soon you could be recovered! but yea as everyone else said, anything eating is a Good Thing.

[Sapphire]

You can do it, Sienna! We all believe in you!

[Beautiful Obsession]

stay strong babee.. we all believe in you:) x

[PrincessSarey]

Bare in mind your body needs the food, so keep going, you're doing well. Don't let this disease/disorder beat you down, keep battling, and we're here for you if you need/want any support.

[Death]

1700 calories may seem a lot but you can be sure that it is in fact below average (that being 2000 for a woman) so if you think about it, you would be eating a very sensible amount so trust me, the doctors know what they're doing. We all believe that you can do this!

[Pirate]

Well done for eating what you did, that's really, really good.

I think the best way for you to do this, is to take it in baby steps. And don't think too far forward, or about how you'll tackle your meals tomorrow. Just concentrate on today, and think "Do I want to eat this?" and if you don't, don't force yourself. Otherwise, you'll regret it. Try a bite, see how you feel. If you do manage it then well done. And don't look back and think that you failed by not managing, or by managing and then suddenly not wanting to eat again. It's not like that.

I hope that helps. xx

[CaptainToast]

Don't force yourself to eat it. That's a one-way ticket back to square 1. You don't want to go back to the way you were do you?

I have a disease that makes me not eat much too (Crohns Disease). It's not an eating disorder, but it's bad anyway. The trick is to build up how much you eat day by day, until you reach that magic 1700 calorie mark. I know you can do it! :D

[Lumo]

You can do it Sienna, I beleive in you:)

[The Freed]

okay so things have been pretty hectic lately.
i moved hospital..
because they wouldn't let me see matt and all this, so now i am in a hospital that has an eating disorder section...
i know weight 35 kilos... ewww...

but today something happened and i really don't know what to think about it.
today i ate something for the first time in a long time (still have the tube in)
i ate half a cup of rice.
and while i really didn't want to.
it was like something had changed.
i havn't thrown it up and i didn't feel as bad eating it??

and i am a bit scared about these feelings.

is this a good thing??

I hope your not Trolling.
My advise, go out for some fine cuisine, to remember
the joys of eating fabulous tasting food.
But as always in moderation.
:yes: