Messed up, help?

[Miss Punk]

Yesterday I was on the point of breaking down and I cut myself really badly, because I wanted to hurt myself so much. I ended up calling a friend who had no idea about my self-harm, because I didn't know what else to do I just needed help. She took me to her bf's house who cleaned me up and called a paramedic even though I asked him not to, and they came to A&E with me, where my cuts were cleaned and redressed. I even regretted not doing even more damage, the urge to hurt myself was still there.

Now I don't know what to do, I feel so messed up. I feel so terrible that my friend had to find out like that, and that she had to see me when I was like that. Going to her stopped me breaking down completely but now I feel like that again and I just can't describe how much I hate myself right now. Everything hurts so much. I don't know what to do. I'm desperate, please help.

[Clawhammer]

Just sit it out and wait for the urge to cut yourself passes. Think about the better things in life, I'm sure that there are some.

[Miss Punk]

It's not that simple. This isn't an urge to cut. I can't explain.

[Donkey]

Put a rubber band on your wrist, and ping it lots when you feel like cutting. It helps people lots.

[byee]

Call the hospital you went to and ask to speak to a therapist (or however that works in the UK). If you want the pain to go away, you need to find a professional to work this all out with and help make it go away.

Don't focus so much on this last episode, but re learn from it that your friends are there to help you and that reaching out to them is a good thing. Cutters often 'forget' that, that others are there to help and take better care of them then they can of themselves sometimes. Find some *others* (like a therapist) to do that with you, so you can finally move beyond all this.

[INFERNO]

I've heard of this method via other forums, so perhaps it may work for you, I have no personal experience with it so I cannot say. But, without further ado, the method is as follows: wherever you cut, draw a butterfly (if you're a horrible artist like myself, give an attempt at a butterfly or some other drawing). You make a vow to yourself not to cut because not only will you then cut yourself but you'd also break the vow you made with the creature you drew.

Your friends seem to be very good friends as they informed the proper authorities. It may be a hard way to let your friends know but the past is the past. They know, they seemed to have dealt with it properly so it seems fitting to be able to discuss with them if you wish.

I don't know if you're already getting treatment but if not, then seek help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor or if you don't wish for a mental health professional yet, then a clergy or a confidant(s).

[Miss Punk]

Thanks
I am waiting to get some professional help at the moment. It seems to be the general opinion that I need to get some.
I have tried various distractions but I'm not really trying to quit right now, I need it too much. I'm going to break completely otherwise. I would try, but I don't really have the motivation to do it and it's such a big thing to give up that without really wanting to it's impossible.