Effie
May 2nd, 2009, 11:49 PM
I have a girlfriend. I know for a fact I like girls. Nobody really cares in my town even though it's Indiana. In fact more people support me than not.
What I'm trying to decide is whether I'm bi or gay. I can't tell clearly if I'm in denial about being gay or being bi. Today I made out with 2 guys perposely to see how it felt. The guys were well aroused, but I... I couldn't tell. I very barely got turned on. I had an odd anxiety... I couldn't tell if I was feeling bad and sad or nervous and scared.
When I kissed them (both the boys) it wasn't as exciting as kissing a girl. The boys are attractive. We get along real well too. One of them was in fact the first person I had ever made out with... which should've made it even more arrousing. I guess it did but still not a massive effect.
Once upon a time I was obsessed with a boy named Taylor. I was obsessed with him. NOT HIS DICK. Not sure why. I still find myself obsessing over guys more than girls but usually not sexual. More of like admiration. See I got to date Taylor and he broke up with me for my BFF AShlynn (whom I had a total crush on and still am quite attracted to). Then when he realized he couldn't get Ashlynn he asked out like 20 other girls. He couldn't get his dick to fit into me... and I mean... it was like a horse penis... way... too... big. Awkwardly... bigger than my older brothers I think. Taylor has Marfan Syndrome which makes him over grow in his bones and appearently other places too. So my mom and others believe simply becaue I'm so devastated from his BS that I shun all men and penises.
Unless I literally go out and have sex there is no real way for me to tell. Though I've tried desperatly to find sex with a boy/man "hot" and "enjoyable" I just... can't? My parents won't believe I'm gay... or some others... I've taken a lot into consideration with the Taylor idea and what not and other things but... I'm a kind of lunatic that if I don't find answers to things I go into some sort of anti social mood and almost become schizophrenic to some degree and manic depressive. It's a natural pattern I have that is slightly impossible for me to divert with my personallity which is quite normal. It's like when you don't eat you get hungry and some people get grumpy, some people don't.
Question: What do you think and why. What should I do?
What I'm trying to decide is whether I'm bi or gay. I can't tell clearly if I'm in denial about being gay or being bi. Today I made out with 2 guys perposely to see how it felt. The guys were well aroused, but I... I couldn't tell. I very barely got turned on. I had an odd anxiety... I couldn't tell if I was feeling bad and sad or nervous and scared.
When I kissed them (both the boys) it wasn't as exciting as kissing a girl. The boys are attractive. We get along real well too. One of them was in fact the first person I had ever made out with... which should've made it even more arrousing. I guess it did but still not a massive effect.
Once upon a time I was obsessed with a boy named Taylor. I was obsessed with him. NOT HIS DICK. Not sure why. I still find myself obsessing over guys more than girls but usually not sexual. More of like admiration. See I got to date Taylor and he broke up with me for my BFF AShlynn (whom I had a total crush on and still am quite attracted to). Then when he realized he couldn't get Ashlynn he asked out like 20 other girls. He couldn't get his dick to fit into me... and I mean... it was like a horse penis... way... too... big. Awkwardly... bigger than my older brothers I think. Taylor has Marfan Syndrome which makes him over grow in his bones and appearently other places too. So my mom and others believe simply becaue I'm so devastated from his BS that I shun all men and penises.
Unless I literally go out and have sex there is no real way for me to tell. Though I've tried desperatly to find sex with a boy/man "hot" and "enjoyable" I just... can't? My parents won't believe I'm gay... or some others... I've taken a lot into consideration with the Taylor idea and what not and other things but... I'm a kind of lunatic that if I don't find answers to things I go into some sort of anti social mood and almost become schizophrenic to some degree and manic depressive. It's a natural pattern I have that is slightly impossible for me to divert with my personallity which is quite normal. It's like when you don't eat you get hungry and some people get grumpy, some people don't.
Question: What do you think and why. What should I do?