I've broken someone feeling, suggestion?

[lesher]

Okay here's the story:

-Around September 2008, I decided to quit from being Christian and become an atheist. Before I quit, I was known well as a very faithful, devoted person, and become even a leader of a "cell" group (smaller group for.... Err, I don't know what and how to write it in english, since that idea came from my church in Indonesia. If some1 understand what I mean, please help me complete that).

-After I quit, I told several of my good friends that I decided to quit Christian and become an atheist. Of course, most of them are shocked, although strangely nobody comment on my decision at all.

-But this one girl (call her "A"), is different. At first, she's like everyone else, just keep silence about my decision until one day, she SMS me, says "You hurt my feeling...". After reading that SMS, I dropped my PS2 stick and my room condition become unpleasant...

-This is my chatlog with her (although it was actually on Indonesia, I try my best to translate it into english)

-Start of chatlog-
A: You hurt my feeling...
Me: ...What did I do wrong?
A: You know, after the day you left become an atheist, I always cried and prayed that you come back!
Me: .... I'm sure apologizing isn't going to solve anything, right?
A: I don't need you apologies, I just want your old self back
Me: Even though my old self back, I might do the same mistake again, I;m sure you're aware of that, hmm?
A: Even so, if your old self is back, I'll defend it so it won't do the same mistake again!
Me: ... Do you want to continue talking about this?
A: No... Please stop...
Me: If I hurt you feeling whenever you saw me, maybe you should just forget about me and never see me again, ever
-End of chatlog-

Quite a story, eh? After that my last SMS, everything going kinda awkward.. But I did it for her own sake. Do you think I did the right thing that moment?

PS : This is my longest post, ever

[Lady_Chaos]

I don't... hmm... I think that what you said was rather harsh, but I've had to say the same thing to my best friend before, so I can't say "NO NO BAD" to you. What exactly was your "mistake"? And how should she "protecting" you make it any different than it was before? And, I don't know if this is the correct view on this but, if she can't get over it its her own fault.

I understand why you'd tell your friend "If I hurt your feelings whenever you see me, maybe you should just forget about me and never see me again, ever" but I mean, looking back, don't you regret it? I definitely regret saying it to my best friend...

[byee]

I think it took a lot of courage on your part to break with tradition AND share that with your friend. She's having some difficulty accepting that and coming to terms with it.

You might want to remind her that your choice is a highly personal one, and that it really doesn't effect her or your relationship with her. That you are still who you've always been to her, and would like to continue the relationship.

[Gumleaf]

from a christian perspective i understand exactly how she feels. although its your choice to have faith in what ever you want, after you have had a faith and then suddenly stop believeing in it, it is quite extroadinary and i would question whether you really had true christian beliefs to start with because i don't think you can lose your faith, but thats something to discuss another time. i thought you were quite harsh to her, but just remember, she won't forget about you and would most likely be praying for you.

[lesher]

Umm... Let me add some info about my relationship with her:
1. I'm not her boyfriend
2. I'm not her best/good friend either. But yeah, we talked a lot before I take that decision (because I have to tutor her about computer lesson at school).

But why she kept her feeling for 7 months? I don't understand Christian, or girls....

[lesher]

@Lady Chaos : On one side, I regret saying that. Like everyone said, IT'S HARSH. But on the other side, I think I'd better say that, it's kinda worth it IMO
@IAMSAM : Yeah, I've tried to tell her that we shouldn't be awkward about this. We even decided that we should "reset" our relationship back to zero, just like the 1st time I met her (although IMO it's impossible, but I just play along...)
@Gumleaf : Really? Do you think that she won't ever get tired praying over a hard-headed person like me? (Oh yeah, I'm a hard-headed person and she knows that)

[lesher]

Yeah, Lady Chaos is right, I'm really regretting it now :(
But what should I say to fix this now? I'm so afraid that she'll get hurt again... (but again, I'm not her bf, or have crush on her whatsoever)

[INFERNO]

It's been said already but I agree, the last line of your chat thing probably wasn't the best of things to say and would be rather harsh for her. Why she kept it bottled up, I have no idea, perhaps she didn't quite know, perhaps she knew but was with someone else then got lonely and wanted you back, the possibilities are endless. The only way you'll know is to ask her for her reasoning.

Regardless if you are her boyfriend or have a crush on her, you seem to demonstrate a nice amount of empathy towards her despite the conflicting religious beliefs. So, the best bet would be to try and start fresh, try to explain you were angry that day and that you wish to put the conflicting beliefs aside and have a relationship, whether it be boyfriend-girlfriend or simply friends. The conflicting beliefs may return into the picture either right away or later on, but if they return right away, then explain that you care for her well-being, don't wish to hurt her, you wish to stay with her and put beliefs aside.

[Oblivion]

Religious choice doesn't determine who you are. Remind her of that.

[lesher]

Religious choice doesn't determine who you are. Remind her of that.
You are so right!

[byee]

There are a lot of different ways of handling this, and I think the opinions here reflect that. I think the issue isn't so much if you're defined by something personal and invisible as a religious belief, but rather her ability to recognize that choice as personal and tolerate something that is by and large irrelevant to her and your friendship.

I think you can continue a diaglogue with her and ask her why she is so intolerant of something that is irrelevant to your friendship, and how she thinks something as personal and invisible as religion effects that friendship.

If she is so inflexible that she cannot accept your choice, then your sense of loss aside, you should move on. And realize that there's risk with self disclosure and you should carefully assess the other person's ability to tolerate and accept *whatever* that disclosure is.