Shock to My System

[Blue63]

I always thought of my friend Jeff as always someone who I could relate, to, this group of 5 us are pretty much best friends. Jeff usually get's a lot of shit because of his ex girlfriend, his only ex, who he is still rather close to and pretty much still likes. Well today he was telling me he was going to have lunch with her on Saturday, just him her and another couple. I said "Have fun" and I guess it came off a little sarcastic even though it wasn't intended that way. Anyway life went on and I didn't have any classes with him that day, however my friend Jordan told me that he said "I don't think that Matt has even ever liked a girl" He told me that and it just really pissed me off, to say that behind my back I mean if he would have said it to my face it would have really been not as a big of a deal. I don't know if he's implying that I'm gay or just calling me a loser because I've never had a girlfriend but either way I'm just pissed. I don't think he really cared he came up to me later and I just kind of gave him the cold shoulder, not really engaging in conversation. Well as things went own it was pretty clear that I was pissed, or at least I hope he picked up on it.

My question really is what I should do about, it just kind of got me questioning everything, am I that kid in the group of friends everyone just hangs around to make fun of and make themselves feel good. Does this go on like all the time? Part of me really wants to confront him and give him a little piece of my mind, telling him that just because I'm docile and don't pick fights it's okay to treat me like scum. I'm also kind of thinking I should just let it roll off my back and let things simmer down tomorrow, not do anything about it. See the thing about Jeff is that when there is a girl in his sights he focuses only on her and her friends, I'm not that close to his ex, although I know her, so I am sort of being left out of the loop, it's happened before and it was just a phase but now I'm thinking I'm just there when he wants me to be there, I can't be a "full time friend"

So what should I do, confront him or let it die? Has anything like this ever happened to you, what did you do? I just feel like I've been back stabbed and betrayed and I don't know what to do.

[Viral Death]

Just tell him to stop it and and just talk to him and explain that your not gay and the reason why you dont have a girlfriend. Good luck!

[byee]

Matt, as I understand this, you've got some second hand *junk* that is completely unsubstantiated, putting it in the 'gossip' category. And we know what to do with gossip, right?

Two things: First, you might feel better talking nicely (not confrontationally!) to Jeff, and ask him if he said this, why, and what he meant. Try to get info from him to first verify the comment, and then to clarify it's intent. The purpose is to give you the info directly so you can respond, and secondly, by talking with him about it, putting him on notice that you don't appreciate being spoken about behind your back, and in a negative way, too.

Then, you might consider talking with Jordan about his role in this, too. Friends do more than just stand by and allow others to slam them behind their back. They either defend them, or at the very least, encourage *whoever* to approach that person (you) directly with their concerns or comments. Otherwise, not only are you oblivious to the other people's concerns, but also, those other people become accomplices in degrading you, which compounds the betrayal.

[Blue63]

Thanks guys this helped a lot.

I sort of let it blow over, but I did talk to Jordan about the whole thing and it seemed Jordan sort of just pinned us against each other for fun, but he did seem remorseful. Apparently Jordan told Jeff that I said some crack about Ashton and then Jeff responded with that quote which Jordan told me and really pissed me off. So I decided not to go into deep with Jeff, I just told him that I didn't say that he said he figured Jordan was just making things up.

I think Jordan likes to but in peoples lives because he's never had a girlfriend either, he's done things like this before and he said he would cool it down, so hopefully things like this will stop or else I don't know what could happen. Anyway thank you very much all, you guys helped a ton!