Complications

[Hobbes_inc]

Hey there, I just wanted to quickly join the forum to hopefully express my view and feelings/problems about my sexuality.

I personally am very happy with calling myself a bisexual male, I spent many years questioning and debating, researching, all that business, and am in the process of coming out! I enjoy the lifestyle, the freedom, and heck even the clothes!

But some things seem unusual along the lines of what comes under the 'checklist' of being a bisexual, hypothetically speaking of course. Many would agree that being bisexual is being physically and emotionally attracted to men and women, with degrees of intensity varying to different genders, which all vary upon the person.

Thing is, I'm physically and emotionally attracted to woman, but just emotionally attracted to men. Not to say I'm not happy with that, but I'm surprised upon browsing through the forums and others, that this doesn't seem common, so it's quite tricky to feel reassured with oneself when the definition of bisexuality is pushed forward as above.

I haven't acted on my sexuality yet (for both genders), so can't really compare to acts either. But then I think to myself, the point is not to compare but to appreciate is it not?

I'm just quite literally befuddled to why my body doesn't react in the same way as woman, as in I don't get as sexually excited or as lustful over men, but have fallen in love with them (many in fact). I want to partake in sex and relationships with men, but I guess I have to accept the complications of such, if that's just what I am.

Maybe it's problems and the feeling of not being accepted acting upon my subconscious. My brother came out about 7 years ago when he was 20 to our parents, and they didn't take it very well at all, my Dad completely rejecting my brother and not talking to him for the 7 years; also my mother is still being very subdued towards the whole case. So, not the greatest of starts for my mind.

This thread isn't necessarily a question of what my sexuality is, just more of a question of why I feel the way I do. (I feel embarrassed, a whole thread!)

Would it be wise to try and seek some professional help in trying to find out whether suppressed fears or consequences are restricting my feelings? If they were, I would've thought it would've been the other way around, that is me being physically attracted, but not emotionally.

Joys of the human body, we exist in ruddy annoying things. I mean, what's with our random hair placement eh?!

Joking aside, thanks for reading if you have. If you know someone (or are the person) that has had/having a similar situation, would be lovely to see how they are coping. Thankyou!

Hobbes

[nick]

I'd like to give you a helpful answer, I'm not sure if I can achieve that, but I'll give you what for me is an honest answer anyway.

I feel a lot of empathy for what you have described. My gut reaction is that there are some people who, unless they are just kidding themselves, are entirely straight or entirely gay. Maybe they're the lucky ones because, for the straights at least, that must make things very simple. For everyone else things are on more of a sliding scale and when we try to position ourselves as bi / curious / mainly str8 or whatever its a bit false because there should be no labels, we're all just people.

I think I'm bi too, but I don't really know. I have experience with girls, so I know I'm not entirely gay, but not with guys. I dream of guys, I fanatasize about guys, lust after them at times, but at the end of the day I'm not sure whether I could go through with a sexual act with another guy.

I cant face talking about this with my parents or with any of my friends in the real world. Thats why its so good to be able to say things honestly on here.

Sorry, I've probably just rambled on and not helped at all, but perhaps it shows, if you didnt already know it, that you're not the only one for whom things are not simple and a bit confused.

[Hobbes_inc]

Thankyou, what a wonderful community this is!

I know exactly what you mean, I prefer the label (if any) as 'sexual', nice and broad haha! A sexual act with a guy for me is completely comfortable with my mind, even wanton, but it's my body that is behind in the concept, just frustrating haha!

It did help, I guess sexuality will always stay true to the topic title! Thanks for the super quick reply!

[Hobbes_inc]

Does no-one else have any ideas?

[clr9823]

Does no-one else have any ideas?

Before I start, sorry I have to nag, but please don't double post, as it is against the rules.

Ok, I think that I am in exactly the same position as you in that you are emotionally attracted to guys only, not physically, even though being physical would be great. Confusing, eh?

Why? You probably developed deep emotional connections with guys. I.e. someone helped you get through a bad time etc. Also, you may have SLIGHT internalised homophobia (fear of oneself being gay), so although you are fine with 'relationships' and bonds with guys, sexual acts you may find off putting. I don't know, everyone is different. If you feel it would help, of course go and see help, but be aware that they may not hold the answers you look for.

How am I coping? Quite badly:D. I came out to my friend by telling him that I loved him:wub:, which I do. He rejected me:(, but we are still friends so I am glad for that and tried to make do. But now he has been getting ever more 'intimate' with me in school and I am not sure:eek: whether this is a sign, and dont want to chance it for fear of loosing my friendship with him.

My advice; be happy with who you are, and go with the flow. You may meet a guy that you fall in love with and become partners. Or you may meet a girl and become married? Who knows, it is in the future. Things normally work out and it isn't actually a problem so dont worry about it, be happy.:D Hope everything works out for you.

[Zazu]

Firstly, really interesting thread hobbes, don't see many of this type around these days.

I agree with what FullSwell and Conker have said; sexuality isn't a simple thing, it varies for different people and sometimes it can be hard to place yourself into one 'category'.

My sexuality has been something which has been all over the place in the last few years, I've been struggling to derive what my sexuality is exactly, but finally it seems to have settled down. It can take some time. The human body and psyche can be confusing things sometimes, with hormones and other external environmental effects coming into consideration, and I feel that it can really cloud your mind and decisions, which seems to be happening to you as it did to me.

I can sympathise with you of possibly having feelings of not being accepted if you did come out; I've only told one of my friends that I'm bi but I'm somewhat afraid of telling other people because I just don't know how they'd react. The only thing that can be done about this is just going for it and seeing what would happen imo, but obviously the results of coming out to people might not be what you want them to be.

My advice to you would be jus to give yourself a little more time; think things through and I'm sure your feelings and emotions will settle down eventually. I'm sure you'll finally be able define who you are inside. But if you really do feel in a while that your mind is still unsettled, professional help may be the answer, it could help you, or it may just be the case that you need time within yourself to make your mind up.

I hope that this in some way helps :)

[Furn_93]

I feel much the same.

I get heavily very emotionally attached to women and some men.

But physically i'm attracted to men.

Yet, I want to have a family with, and marry, a woman.


Confusing!