my mum told her friend

[DinoRAWR]

so my mum has known that I cut for a while, she never really mentions it and doesn't seem too bothered, which is really ok with me.
But today, my friend, whos mum is friends with my mum, came up to me and said
"my mum told me you've been cutting and wants to know why." turns out my mum told her.
Im SO annoyed, does she really think I would want ANYONE knowing this? and I cant say this to her because I just cannot do confontation. It always causes a fight and that just causes me to cut more.
So now my friend knows and is totally treating me differently. I dont know if she'll tell other people or not. I really dont want anyone knowing.

Just had to get this off my chest, sorry.

[cool person]

Well, unfortunately your friend already knows.

I think the best bet, is to talk to the friend, and tell her that you don't want others knowing and if it could be your little secret. Also, mabye ask your mom if she wouldn't mind not telling other people?

Having someone who knows, can be a good thing, once they get over the shock

[Tankgirlpookie]

heres a thought dismiss if you want

i think your mum told your friend to try and find out what was wrong with out pressuring you by here confrounting you about she did do it in a really awful way but i think she was just trying to connect with you on a personal level she wants to know whats wrong with her child! and how she can help
i think thats fair to say sorry if you take this wrong!

But im sure she loves you no stops and no hold back even when you SHing!

[DinoRAWR]

heres a thought dismiss if you want

i think your mum told your friend to try and find out what was wrong with out pressuring you by here confrounting you about she did do it in a really awful way but i think she was just trying to connect with you on a personal level she wants to know whats wrong with her child! and how she can help
i think thats fair to say sorry if you take this wrong!

But im sure she loves you no stops and no hold back even when you SHing!


Your probably absolutely right. I'm still peed off that she let people who I didnt want finding out to know though.
I just wish she would leave me to it. I know that sounds bad, and she couldn't do that and stuff. But she hasn't been at all interested or bothered with this in months and now she's telling my friends and stuff...its just not cool.

[DinoRAWR]

Well, unfortunately your friend already knows.

I think the best bet, is to talk to the friend, and tell her that you don't want others knowing and if it could be your little secret. Also, mabye ask your mom if she wouldn't mind not telling other people?

Having someone who knows, can be a good thing, once they get over the shock

I did say to her at the time but she was just like 'right' and walked away. I dont really wanna lose a friend over my mum. that would be uncalled for.
I still couldnt talk to her about it, I cant talk to anyone about thes kinna things.

[Tankgirlpookie]

Your probably absolutely right. I'm still peed off that she let people who I didnt want finding out to know though.
I just wish she would leave me to it. I know that sounds bad, and she couldn't do that and stuff. But she hasn't been at all interested or bothered with this in months and now she's telling my friends and stuff...its just not cool.

I know what you mean i told my mum and made a promise to stop she doesnt know anything of my cutting now! i feel so bad but i know i need to crawl out of this hole before going to her other wise she will only take this personally and blame herself and i cant deal with that i know this is really selfish of me but with my mum when ever we talk or try to she always make it about herself how SHE failed as a parent how SHE didnt protect me how SHE didnt see me doing this! i hate that fact that i have to make her feel better when we enter in to a conversation that i thought was suposed to be about me and my problems i feel awful for saying that because i love my mum and she does want to help me i think at least thats what i have to believe other wise i probably would kill myself! which is bleak but true!

Sorry i digress on you post! so you have to options one lie you better no problems isolation and resistence or ask for help now when there looking to reach out a hand! you may not like it but this situation will make you cutting worse though stress! be safe

Thanks X

[DinoRAWR]

I know what you mean i told my mum and made a promise to stop she doesnt know anything of my cutting now! i feel so bad but i know i need to crawl out of this hole before going to her other wise she will only take this personally and blame herself and i cant deal with that i know this is really selfish of me but with my mum when ever we talk or try to she always make it about herself how SHE failed as a parent how SHE didnt protect me how SHE didnt see me doing this! i hate that fact that i have to make her feel better when we enter in to a conversation that i thought was suposed to be about me and my problems i feel awful for saying that because i love my mum and she does want to help me i think at least thats what i have to believe other wise i probably would kill myself! which is bleak but true!

Sorry i digress on you post! so you have to options one lie you better no problems isolation and resistence or ask for help now when there looking to reach out a hand! you may not like it but this situation will make you cutting worse though stress! be safe

Thanks X
I know how you feel. The way my mum is, everything revolves around her. In her head, it's because of her Im doing it and everything just goes back to what she feels, she doesnt bother asking me, which is fine cos I cant talk about that.
And my friend said to me today that my mum feels like a failure, I felt kinda bad but again, its nothing to do with my mum.
I did tell her when she first found out that I would stop but I just cant right now, I dont actually WANT to and I dont think I could.
I just wish she would actually think about someone else, instead of believing Im doing this just to upset her or annoy her. And I know im probably being selfish doing it, I just dont think about these things really.

[Tankgirlpookie]

to me its a negitive spiral of
selfharm
shame
disapointment
selfharm
round round round
down down down
its not good that you feel like you dont want to stop but i do feel the same way!

[DinoRAWR]

to me its a negitive spiral of
selfharm
shame
disapointment
selfharm
round round round
down down down
its not good that you feel like you dont want to stop but i do feel the same way!

I know. It's like, I know I should want to stop, I just dont. Sometimes I feel really amazing afterwards and others I just feel like a complete failure. It's weird, I think I would actualy go insane if I stopped.

[Tankgirlpookie]

i know what you mean its empty bliss is how i discribe it! you feel came and bliss full but it empty beacause you dont feel happy or really anything!

[DinoRAWR]

i know what you mean its empty bliss is how i discribe it! you feel came and bliss full but it empty beacause you dont feel happy or really anything!

I know, while Im doing it, it totally calms me down and makes me feel...better if anything. But after that, Im still not happy and just want to do it again to get the same feeling back.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I was talking to my Bible study leader one day and she said to me...why do you want to cut when you know that it's not going to solve anything...it's not going to take away the emotional pain your feeling..it's only going to make things worse. It was a hard thing to explain to her because she has never been to that point...but even though she does not understand it all..I still feel like she is there for me and that she is willing to help talk me through things. But I know that things could never be that great between me and my parents...I can talk to anybody but my parents really. My mom is aware of some of my problems...but not the cutting thing...or at least I don't think she is...what makes me mad though is that my mom goes and tells all her friends too, even though I straight out said I wanted to keep this between me and her...so that's why I have not told her about the cutting thing because I am afaid that she will just tell everyone and I don't want everyone to know.

[Char_x]

I know. It's like, I know I should want to stop, I just dont. Sometimes I feel really amazing afterwards and others I just feel like a complete failure. It's weird, I think I would actualy go insane if I stopped.
I know what you mean. I sometimes feel its odd that i dont want to stop but im just not ready to. When i've done it i feel better cos i feel like no one understands me and by cutting, for that short time of doing it i kinda feel free from problems and its the one thing thats in my control, no one elses unlike other situations in my life. Dno if that makes sense lol.

[DinoRAWR]

I know what you mean. I sometimes feel its odd that i dont want to stop but im just not ready to. When i've done it i feel better cos i feel like no one understands me and by cutting, for that short time of doing it i kinda feel free from problems and its the one thing thats in my control, no one elses unlike other situations in my life. Dno if that makes sense lol.

I know. It's something about myself and my body I can control without someone telling me to do it in a certain way or whatever. I do feel better afterwards but it goes away quickly like an adrenaline rush and then I feel like a failure.

[Char_x]

Most of the time i dont feel like a failure for doing it, its only when i've gone a while without doing it that when i do do it thats when i feel like a failure. But them phases where i can go a couple of weeks without doing it, its not bcos i planned to quit i just didnt feel the urge to cut but yeah when i do eventually do it again thats when i feel like a failure. Its kind of like a vicious circle cos feeling like a failure makes u want to do it again.

[DinoRAWR]

Most of the time i dont feel like a failure for doing it, its only when i've gone a while without doing it that when i do do it thats when i feel like a failure. But them phases where i can go a couple of weeks without doing it, its not bcos i planned to quit i just didnt feel the urge to cut but yeah when i do eventually do it again thats when i feel like a failure. Its kind of like a vicious circle cos feeling like a failure makes u want to do it again.


I know what you mean. Thats ONE of the reasons I dont wanna quit, cos im pretty sure ill fail and just feel like more of a failure, making me want to do it more. It better if I just except, at the moment, that im doing it and cant stop yet.

[Char_x]

I know what you mean. Thats ONE of the reasons I dont wanna quit, cos im pretty sure ill fail and just feel like more of a failure, making me want to do it more. It better if I just except, at the moment, that im doing it and cant stop yet.
Yeah i know what you mean, its a hard thing to get out of unfortunatly.
When i feel completly happy i think thats when i'l be able to stop but right now i dont feel like i can cos i arnt exactly happy and people dont understand when i talk to them so i resort to cutting.

[cool person]

I know. It's something about myself and my body I can control without someone telling me to do it in a certain way or whatever. I do feel better afterwards but it goes away quickly like an adrenaline rush and then I feel like a failure.


Yes! this is exactly what I feel. A short relief, then shame. I have even cut myself, to punish myself for cutting. Very logical, I know

[DinoRAWR]

Yes! this is exactly what I feel. A short relief, then shame. I have even cut myself, to punish myself for cutting. Very logical, I know

I do that, I cut myself because Im ashamed of scars or what ive been doing, which then makes me more ashamed, making me do it more. Its a vicious circle sadly.

[cool person]

Yes it is. I find it almost funny when I can manage to step back for a moment...

[DinoRAWR]

IK know, if you think about it, alot of the time I cut because I cut.
Its quite funny I guess.

[cool person]

Being ableto luagh at oneself is a good thing. When I feel tempted to do that, try to think about how funny and elogical that realy is...sometimes it helps

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

That's why I am trying so hard not to get into cutting because I know that once I start I won't be able to stop and the cycle will just continue on until who knows when....

[cool person]

well so far great job!

If you feel tempted to cut, you should talk to someone.... whether it is the VT forums or just a few people online or people from real life. Talking to someone in a moment of crisis really helps

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

man your good..how did you know I was totally going to breakdown tonight..and have a crisis...now your reading my mind aren't you? lol

[cool person]

Haha, I've been accused of hacking peoples emails on occaison because of my accuracy at guessing. :)

We all have break down from time to time, go check your new thread specifically on the breakdown...I won't bother repeating myself here.