Coming out? [Archive] - Virtual Teen Forums

pontiacdriver

April 26th, 2009, 11:26 PM

Everything depends upon the risks and benefits of your situation. You know your family, friends, and town best, and if coming out is something that will create living hell for you, then be very, very judicious to whom you come out. While sexuality is a very important part of all of us the fact remains that there are so many other parts of us, too, which we can share with others. To what I am getting here is that unless you really want to go out with someone of the same sex right now, then you are best laying low. The reality is that with your probably still being in puberty a lot of folks are just going to write off your feelings as a stage. However, I have no doubt that your feelings are very real which is why if and when you come out you need to make sure it is at the right time such as if you find a boyfriend.

If your Mum is really flexible about things like sexuality, then it would not hurt telling her how you feel with the clear understanding that she keeps that information from your Father. It is clear that this development is an important one to you, and you really should talk it out to those to whom you are close and who you know will understand such as your Mum.

I am guessing that your Father's approval is very important to you which is normal. After all, nearly all boys love their Daddies. If you know for a fact that your Father is uber conservative and would not be all right with your sexuality, then I would just not bring it up with him unless he is forcing you to go out with a girl. The reality is sexuality is a private thing as much how your parents don't discuss their sex life with you the same applies in the reverse. My view is that if you are really tight with your Father and are afraid about how he would view your bi-sexuality, then just don't bring it up. Do other things with him so that you both will be really close in other ways. The reality is that if you two are really close in every other way he would be really, really hard pressed to come down on you especially if you get good grades, stay out of trouble, are responsible with your body, and have a good relationship with your family. For some families they handle things like bi-sexuality as an open secret which is how they handle it. I cannot promise you that your Father will be happy about your sexuality, but he won't stop loving you. The reality is that every parent, even gay ones, dream of their kids having kids one day as it is really a special thing to have a child (that is not to say that gay families cannot have kids). If your Father does get upset, then chances are he is disappointed you might not have the same rush of feelings he had when he knew your Mum was pregnant with you and when you were born. As a result, have realistic expectations of your Father as much as you would want him to have of you.

In short, sexuality is a complex matter, and there is no rational answer to why we like what we do. With that being said sexuality is not what defines us, and just be yourself because even if you do come out you need to emphasize you are the same person you always were as you are not transforming into some different creature.