I don't want to stop

[The Enigma]

I hadn't cut since two months ago but today I broke down when my dad was drinking.

I hate when he drinks.

He's not like normal people, he gets really bad when he's drunk...especially at my mum.

My family is pretty disfunct..we have some financial troubles and they blame me

I cut everytime my dad drank alcohol because I just knew how it would get and cutting was the only way to make it better.

Today I cut myself many times, not very deep but enough to bleed, after confronting him about it.

And, the thing is, I don't want to stop because there is nothing else to make it better :(

I don't know what to do.

[Miss Punk]

Hey, remember cutting doesn't make it better, it only makes it worse because then you have more scars that take ages to heal and well you know about it really so you know that it only helps while you're in the moment. That's why it's so hard to stop, I am the same as you, I don't want to stop either even though I know that I have to, I do it every day and it gets harder and harder. So you've done really really well not cutting since two months ago! If you can go two months, you can go even longer. Don't let yourself get back into doing it so much that stopping again is going to be even more difficult. I'm sorry I don't really know what to suggest with your dad drinking and your family. Take care xx *hugs*

[byee]

I don't think it's that you don't want to stop cutting, but because the cutting somehow makes you feel better, you donlt want to stop the 'feeling better' part. that's understandable, but it;s important to remember that there are other ways of feeling better without necessarily cutting yourself, or your dad quitting the drink. Or of your family not being dysfunctional anymore. Those things would be great of they could happen, if the problems that cause the feelings for you went away, but in the absence of that, you have to find other ways of dealing with and tolerating the craziness around you, without resorting to your own.

I think you might try to tell your folks how all that *stuff* afects you, and show them your arms. maybe it will shock them into the awareness of exactly how dysfunctional their lifestyle is, and focus on your needs. Maybe they'll take you to therapy, where a professional can help you learn how to manage your feelingd better, and even onvolve your folks in family therapy to address that *stuff*.

In either even, it might be good to seperate your sense of well being from them getting better. You can feel better and do well without them changing. It might take some emotional seperation from them, but you can do that of you fill your time with people and things that are truly positive.