Rolla7
April 24th, 2009, 08:58 PM
Hello, I'm 15, a Freshman in high school, and think I may have Bi-Polar Disorder. You see, I had my first major depressive episode in July, lasting partially into August. I came very close to suicide during that time, as in a trigger pull away. That was before I started actually looking at the symptoms of bipolar disorder and thinking I had, which is something I've only done since February.
Something I think I should mention is that I was diagnosed with ADD in May of last year. But it seems that might actually just be the symptoms of bipolar disorder manifesting itself as ADD. I think I could have inherited it from my mother, as while she has never been diagnosed bipolar, I have seen her talking to doctors about it and picking up pamphlets about it. As of right now, I've been confiding in a Sophomore friend of mine who went through a suicidal depression recently.
I've been having feelings of what I guess you could say are hopelessness and paranoia for a years, but I've kind of thought it was normal, as it would happen on and off every 3-4 weeks.
My last suicidal thought was about 3 weeks ago, when I considered stealing my Dad's .45 and offing myself in the music suite at school. But I've started having them again. My older friend has dismissed it as hormones, but I don't think it is. I haven't felt very hungry recently, and kind of feel like just laying around.
At the beginning of this semester, I weighed 130lbs. I now weigh 115lbs.
Even my friends say I've been acting differently. I have only told two people about the above, so they don't know. I've kind of been throwing up an act at school.
I've even lost a friend from this, another sophomore. She said she couldn't handle the stress of this, and now refuses to talk to me. Kind of makes me want to off myself even more, thinking how angry I got her at me.
Please, I just want some help, that's all. I haven't told my parents, but I don't think they'd react well. I've been thinking of seeing a shrink lately. Should I?
Something I think I should mention is that I was diagnosed with ADD in May of last year. But it seems that might actually just be the symptoms of bipolar disorder manifesting itself as ADD. I think I could have inherited it from my mother, as while she has never been diagnosed bipolar, I have seen her talking to doctors about it and picking up pamphlets about it. As of right now, I've been confiding in a Sophomore friend of mine who went through a suicidal depression recently.
I've been having feelings of what I guess you could say are hopelessness and paranoia for a years, but I've kind of thought it was normal, as it would happen on and off every 3-4 weeks.
My last suicidal thought was about 3 weeks ago, when I considered stealing my Dad's .45 and offing myself in the music suite at school. But I've started having them again. My older friend has dismissed it as hormones, but I don't think it is. I haven't felt very hungry recently, and kind of feel like just laying around.
At the beginning of this semester, I weighed 130lbs. I now weigh 115lbs.
Even my friends say I've been acting differently. I have only told two people about the above, so they don't know. I've kind of been throwing up an act at school.
I've even lost a friend from this, another sophomore. She said she couldn't handle the stress of this, and now refuses to talk to me. Kind of makes me want to off myself even more, thinking how angry I got her at me.
Please, I just want some help, that's all. I haven't told my parents, but I don't think they'd react well. I've been thinking of seeing a shrink lately. Should I?