nachtspiegel
April 23rd, 2009, 09:50 PM
I know that answers to questions like these are painfully obvious when you have to ask that, but I am at a loss.
There has been this girl, Brittany. We've known each other for about a year now, and we have come close to dating twice, but things got in the way. The first time, I found out some things about her that she didn't tell me that I instead found out from other people, and I took it defensively but soon got over it. More recently, I'm not at fault.
We stopped talking for a little while but we got close again about a month or two ago. She is the type of girl that doesn't like being alone, and will take a minute to consider most anyone that gives her that right kind of attention. We're in a difficult situation because I've made it clear that I don't intend to rush into anything. (I haven't seriously dated anyone in more than a year because I haven't found the right person and situation for a real relationship to last in.)
She knows this, and she spends a lot of her time telling me that she loves me (as a friend, we've established that,) and that she cares for me and would do anything for me. You know, the usual. For a while, I believed everything she told me. We had an initial connection that never went away, even as she was dating her ex-boyfriend and I was trying to get over someone else (that I am still not over.)
I know that she's quick to try to start something new if she isn't satisfied with where she is, but I had honestly thought that she was being honest with me when she told me that I was the only one. I've recently realized that that isn't the case. I firmly believe that being single is an element of freedom and independence, but regardless, I can't help but want to be able to believe that I'm not being two timed, especially when I am being told these certain things.
She has done this to me once before. We were talking about getting together right after we started getting close again. It was as if nothing ever happened. We talked about it one night, and I told her that I don't want to rush into it and risk loosing the friendship that we have (although I still wanted to be with her while talking it a little at a time, because I knew that that was what was best for me.) Honestly, I'd rather be her friend for life than her boyfriend for a month and nothing afterward.
The day after we talked about everything, she started dating a different ex, but that didn't last very long, for reasons that I still do not know and haven't pushed for.
I can't decide whether to believe the things she tells me or stay on a strictly friendly basis because of the other things that I know but do not want to confront her with. (She's been through a lot this past year and my sister is in deteriorating health. I honestly don't want to screw up good relations with her.)
Do you think that I should stay strictly friends with her? I need to figure this out soon. I really don't want to spend more time waiting to be chosen back if it isn't going to happen.
There has been this girl, Brittany. We've known each other for about a year now, and we have come close to dating twice, but things got in the way. The first time, I found out some things about her that she didn't tell me that I instead found out from other people, and I took it defensively but soon got over it. More recently, I'm not at fault.
We stopped talking for a little while but we got close again about a month or two ago. She is the type of girl that doesn't like being alone, and will take a minute to consider most anyone that gives her that right kind of attention. We're in a difficult situation because I've made it clear that I don't intend to rush into anything. (I haven't seriously dated anyone in more than a year because I haven't found the right person and situation for a real relationship to last in.)
She knows this, and she spends a lot of her time telling me that she loves me (as a friend, we've established that,) and that she cares for me and would do anything for me. You know, the usual. For a while, I believed everything she told me. We had an initial connection that never went away, even as she was dating her ex-boyfriend and I was trying to get over someone else (that I am still not over.)
I know that she's quick to try to start something new if she isn't satisfied with where she is, but I had honestly thought that she was being honest with me when she told me that I was the only one. I've recently realized that that isn't the case. I firmly believe that being single is an element of freedom and independence, but regardless, I can't help but want to be able to believe that I'm not being two timed, especially when I am being told these certain things.
She has done this to me once before. We were talking about getting together right after we started getting close again. It was as if nothing ever happened. We talked about it one night, and I told her that I don't want to rush into it and risk loosing the friendship that we have (although I still wanted to be with her while talking it a little at a time, because I knew that that was what was best for me.) Honestly, I'd rather be her friend for life than her boyfriend for a month and nothing afterward.
The day after we talked about everything, she started dating a different ex, but that didn't last very long, for reasons that I still do not know and haven't pushed for.
I can't decide whether to believe the things she tells me or stay on a strictly friendly basis because of the other things that I know but do not want to confront her with. (She's been through a lot this past year and my sister is in deteriorating health. I honestly don't want to screw up good relations with her.)
Do you think that I should stay strictly friends with her? I need to figure this out soon. I really don't want to spend more time waiting to be chosen back if it isn't going to happen.