Has anyone told their parents?

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

Has anyone told their parents that they have thought about cutting or are cutting? If so how did they react and how did you tell them?

[Roxy_]

Well i dont cut myself but my
friend did and i was by her side
when she told her parents and
they said that she was going
to see a counselor and they
want to see the marks and thats all

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I don't think I could ever tell my parents what's going on...they just wouldn't understand. I tried to explain it to them when my ex-boyfriend was cutting but they did not get it.

[RaeNose]

They understand a lot more than you give them credit for. Even if they don't quite understand at first, it can still trigger a sort of preparation where once they actually comprehend what the eff is going on, they'll react a lot better.

Trust me, telling your parents is not only a great step towards recovery, it's also this huge weight lifted off your shoulders. How long are you going to call yourself "Atlas", and bear all of the troubles of your world?

Remember, His scars are beautiful; however, His scars were made so that we wouldn't have to make scars for ourselves. He bled so we wouldn't have to. He was beaten, scarred, broken, punished, and killed so that we wouldn't have to be any of those things. (I know you probably won't be offended by this, considering your name/ signature. If anyone else is, I'm sorry I offended you.)

[nachtspiegel]

My mom knows from when I was inpatient.
My dad doesn't really know anything.
When I was hospitalized, he didn't know.
When I was released, he didn't ask why.
He doesn't know about my diagnosis.
It works better that way.

My mom relatively understands.
Self harm is something that is hard to understand.
Especially if you don't do it.

[PrincessSarey]

My mum has known since I was a kid. I first started when I was 7, cutting began shortly after. I was taken to CAMHS and she never does know how to deal with it. She's an alcoholic and on a night when she was drunk, I was about 9ish, she asked me "How do you cut yourself, show me how to cut myself".

Yeah, she's abused me a lot. But she's "ok" when she's sober. Yet the alcohol has killed her brain cells, for sure.

I do not have a biological father. He abused, used, and abandoned me years ago.
I have a father though. He's amazing with me. Helps me and supports me a lot.

[BlackenedSilver]

My mum found out, She saw the cuts on my arm when I forgot about them and walked downstairs without a jacket on. :mad: She just asked why but I couldnt tell her I just sat in tears while she looked at me. I promised her that I had stopped, Which I had at the time.
But she found out again in december, My cuts had been bleeding while I was sleeping and she saw my bed cover. Then her and my Dad forced me to go to the doctor and get help, I was sure I didn't need it But I felt better once I had told someone, eventhough I did lie slightly because I knew if I told the truth I wouldn't have been able to go home.
Now it has been over 5 months since the doctor told me that CAMHS would ring me with an appointment time, they never did. I even rang them at one point and the receptionist just said "We will ring you when we have an available time"
But my parents actually think I'm going to the counselling, I never told them that, they just assumed.

[Truth]

Yelled at me, made me let her see my wrists, made me hide them, then i offered for me to go to counciling. Oh,wshe also was going to call social services..

[chucknorrisrules]

I told my mom when I first met my therapist for the first time. We were both in the room, and I told her that I've cut myself many times before and that when I was 12, I tried to stab myself in an artery with a mail opener, which I covered up for at the time I did it. It was really hard, but it was necessary for me to get the help I needed.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I don't think I can ever tell my parents...probably never will....

[Project Delta]

If you dont want to tell your parents maybe i can tell you a few ways you might be able to subtly tell them? maybe its that your just scared of the direct approach to it.
My parents found out by going through my text messages and to be honest, they were great about it, she ASKED to see my cuts and that if i wanted she would get me some long sleeve shirts for school, (which i had been asking for for ages, with no as an answer) and she offered to take me to counselling in a place i go because i have ADHD. But overall she has been really great about it. but i dont know if i could have told my parents directly.
Its strange now, you'd be surprised how people leave you alone when they know you've cut. About 30 odd people at my school who i'm around often know i have cut, (although stopped now) and they never mock me about it, although they are the reason i started (bullying) so if you have a good friend. try to confiide in them i guess is what i am trying to say. (Gotta go now. laptop battery is dead)

[-Silence]

My mom found out.

After that my mother made me see this therapist that told her to check my body every night, so she continued to find them.

My mother didn't take it to well, the abuse got worse.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I'm thinking about telling them...
my mom may know...I caught her reading my texts and I had some stuff about cutting on there....but she has not confronted me about it. The thing is, I have lost a lot of trust in her and I just don't think I can trust her with this. I am thinking about asking my mom if I could go to counseling because I think I may need professional help...but we'll see. I have never actually cut myself...I haven't been able to allow myself to do it...but I came pretty close sunday night. I can't keep allowing myself to get closer to doing this...because one of these times I am just going to break...and do it...

[Shattered Soul]

I told my mum about a month after i'd stopped (for the first time. Started again 2 months later). I was waiting to go into a really important entrance exam, 5 mins before said exam was due to start, i texted her and told her in a round about way - I had a feeling she couldn't be angry with me due to fear of upsetting me before my exam, we had also had a convo the night before where she told me I could tell her anything and she would never be angry at me for it, just angry at the situation. So i started the text with 'U know u said I could tell you anything and u wouldn't be angry...' and she replied that i'm not to do it again and that she loves me - first time i can ever remember her saying that (this was in February, i'm 18). Interestingly, this was the first time she'd never broken my trust and told my dad what i'd said/done.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

That's an amazing story...I don't think my mom would react that way though...

[RaeNose]

That is a very inspirational story. Parents tend to surprise when they give us an honest, caring response. We don't expect them to understand, or even to give an eff. I don't quite understand it, because they did have similar problems. Heck, they started a lot of the stupid high school tends that we go through now.
After all, they are the baby boomers. ;)

[SLABBS]

Yelled at me, made me let her see my wrists, made me hide them, then i offered for me to go to counciling. Oh,wshe also was going to call social services..

thats how i amagine my parents would reack. they over react to everything(which isnt a bad thing)

[SLABBS]

I told my mum about a month after i'd stopped (for the first time. Started again 2 months later). I was waiting to go into a really important entrance exam, 5 mins before said exam was due to start, i texted her and told her in a round about way - I had a feeling she couldn't be angry with me due to fear of upsetting me before my exam, we had also had a convo the night before where she told me I could tell her anything and she would never be angry at me for it, just angry at the situation. So i started the text with 'U know u said I could tell you anything and u wouldn't be angry...' and she replied that i'm not to do it again and that she loves me - first time i can ever remember her saying that (this was in February, i'm 18). Interestingly, this was the first time she'd never broken my trust and told my dad what i'd said/done.

thats book worthy

[SLABBS]

ilence;494895']My mom found out.

After that my mother made me see this therapist that told her to check my body every night, so she continued to find them.

My mother didn't take it to well, the abuse got worse.

i bet that helped you stop though

[RaeNose]

That a violation of privacy, though. Her mom shouldn't continue to check her body every night for cuts and then hurt her because she does find some more cuts. That's not right. It doesn't matter if it stopped her physical scarring, what about emotional scarring?

[SLABBS]

That a violation of privacy, though. Her mom shouldn't continue to check her body every night for cuts and then hurt her because she does find some more cuts. That's not right. It doesn't matter if it stopped her physical scarring, what about emotional scarring?

very good point. i misread it. i thought all her mom did was check her. appearently i missed the jist of the storry

[RaeNose]

it's alright, it's easy to misread stuff on here, and anywhere really.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

It may have helped to stop cutting but I still feel that is a real invasion of privacy...

[Char_x]

My mum knows because her best friend was the one who noticed a scar on my arm and she told my mum straight away. Im kinda glad she knows tho cos she was so nice about it. She hugged me and said she knows i cant just stop but anytime i feel like cutting, talk to her first. At first this rly helped and being able to talk to her when i was down stopped me from cutting quite a few times but now its a bit different and i dont really like going to her anymore. I jst deal with it myself cos all of a sudden my mum started gettin stressy about it and didnt seem to want to listen anymore, all she could do was go stroppy and be like "well i think you shud go to the doctors and get some help cos theres nothing i can do anymore". Its kinda upsetting cos at 1st i fort she rly understood but now im used to jst keepig things to myself again.

As for my dad, he doesnt have a clue. I kinda wish he knew cos then he might just realise how little attention he's paid me and my sister since he and my mum split up but in a way im glad he doesnt know cos i get a feeling of like well he never bothers with us so he doesnt have a right to know. Dno if that makes sense.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I almost told my dad this weekend but I could not bring myself to do it.

[InControl]

My brother found out first, then he kept hinting at it round my mum, i think he eventually told her straight out because i got called downstairs and she asked if it was true and asked to see them. She told me not to do it on the bottom of my wrists, but to do it on the top side instead. Nothing more has been said about it. Havent been told to go to the doctors about it or anything so yeah i guess i just figured it was fine and carried on.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

wow it sounds like your mom is okay with it...that is weird. Most moms freak out.

[InControl]

she used to do it herself when she was my age, so really she cant say anything but im not sure encouraging it is a good thing?

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

oh I see. That makes a little more sense then I guess. At least she understands kind of what your going through.

[cool person]

Sometime I wish I would tell my mom. She isn't abusive or anything, she would probably make me go to therapy etc. I'm just, well she seems to think im basically her "little angle" still...(though I'm 16). I'd hate to burst her bubble, plus since I've never been in any sort of trouble, I have qute alot of freedom for my age, and I'd hate to lose all that over a silly little thing like a few scars on my wrist.

[-Silence]

i bet that helped you stop though

No, not at all, if anything it made it worse.
That's when I was about 14, I started at thirteen, and I am 21 now and haven't cut since September I think.

If anything all it did was raise more fights for us, I would be standing in front of her in my bra and panties and she would look at me most night and be like, "Heather, you are getting a little pudge in your belly" or "Heather, look at your thighs, you need to start running or something."

So everything just spiraled worse.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I am kind of surprised that she doesn't realize that it only hurts you more to have to do that everyday....

[RaeNose]

At least she doesn't have to live with her anymore. That's always a benefit.

[-Silence]

I am kind of surprised that she doesn't realize that it only hurts you more to have to do that everyday....

She never realized what she did.
To this day she doesn't admit some of the stuff she's done.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I know my parents don't admit their wrong either half the time...

[FurtureMA]

My parents found out and just yelled at me and told me i was an idiot and to get over it, really helpful of them. XxMx

[cool person]

My parents found out and just yelled at me and told me i was an idiot and to get over it, really helpful of them. XxMx

I think a big problem with perantal reaction is that it is only recantly that cutting has become something people are aware of. It was really around the same amount when our perants were growing up...So they don't really uderstand it at all. It doesn't mean they don't care, they just don't understand why their kid would ever do something as "wierd" or "immiture" as cut themselves. Also, the media doesn't really help. It portrays cutting as basically something people do to fi ito a social group etc, and not as a coping mechanism etc....

And I love how "helpfull" perants are...I tried telling my perants that I was upset ( not that I was cutting), and I basically got called selfish...Woo Hoo

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I don't think it matters how many times I try and explain things to my parents they're never going to understand. Most people do not understand unless they have been through a similar experience themselves.

[Sapphire]

It was never ever my choice to let my parents know. I was caught at school by a teacher and it all spiraled from there.
Doctors, counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and even an education welfare officer.
Arguments, emotional blackmail and humiliation ensued.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I got an email from one of my teachers today saying that she was worried about me and she wants me to go talk to this counselor at school

[Sapphire]

Are you considering it?

[cool person]

I got an email from one of my teachers today saying that she was worried about me and she wants me to go talk to this counselor at school

I really suggest that you go. It is an easy opportunity to talk to someone w/o having to admit the full extent of your problems, or even that you have any. Good luck!

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I think I may try it...Who knows maybe this is the help that I need. My teacher is worried about me...and she's not even my teacher right now...she's one of my old english teachers that I chat with every now and again...and she can really tell that I have really been struggling a lot lately...even though I only see her/talk to her once a week or so...so if she can pick up on that in that short amount of time maybe it's time to try and get some help. She says there is this new counselor that comes on tuesdays...I do occasionally talk to one of the counselors at my school but he doesn't seem to help too much...however this new counselor sounds like she may be more of what I need. So I think it's worth a try :)

[cool person]

Yay! Though I have yet to have a chance to really get to know you, you seem like a very nice and kind person. I'm thrilled that you have decided to get help. I support you 100% and I wish you the best of luck :)

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

Thanks! I think it's time that I try and get some more help...try something new. Because what I'm trying now isn't working. we'll see how it goes. I guess we will know by next tuesday whether this is a good idea or not

[cool person]

:)

Keep us posted :).
My advice is try to be as honest (as possible) with yourself and the counseller. It always pays off in the end. And as to our discussion on another thread, G!d wil be pleased to see that you are trying to get help :)

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I will let you know how things go. I have to set up a time yet though to meet the counselor...but I am willing to give things a try...what's it going to hurt right?

[cool person]

Nothing, It can only make things better :)

Ha, i wish I had such a great opportunity to talk to someone without having to confess that I'm in trouble

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

Well the counselor already sort of knows what is going on with me or she knows that I am at least having trouble. My teacher gave her a heads up...

[cool person]

Yeah. But (not to belittle what you are going through) there is a difference between someone knowing you are in trouble and telling someone you are cutting yourself with a razor. I just can't bare the though of ruining my parents opinion of me. Nor, the loss of freedom and trust that would come with such a confession.
I think what I sorta meant to say earlier, is I kinda wish someone else would, recognize I'm in trouble, without me having to tell them.
Did that make any sense? I can really rammble and conduse myself sometimes...Sorry If it didn't

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

oh I get what your saying. For awhile no one really recognized that I was in trouble either..because I hid it so well...but now I just can not hold it back...I can't hide it as well as I used to because it has really worn me down and things are getting worse and it shows in my eyes... the way I walk...I am always tired....because I often can not sleep at night because of everything. I don't think I could ever face my parents though. They just don't understand anything I am going through..and I know lots of teenagers say that but it's true...they don't understand...because times change....my school work is twice as hard as what they did...the situations I face are twice as hard as what they went through. If I told my parents what I have thinking about...what I have been doing...they would probably kill me...

[cool person]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel they wouldn't understand, they would probably say it was hormones or a fase or something like that. Part of it is I really don't have any real reason to be down. I have never been really abused ( my dad did once grab me around the scruff of the next, when I was like 10, but I deserved that I said "F you" to him) and my perants fight alot....but not physically except for my dad breaking/throwing stuff....I do Great in school( well, i fail at focusing, but I get good grades). I am popular ( or so people tell me).

Well, actually one person...sorta knows. A friend of my saw one of my cuts. She took in fairly well...actually she more or less laughed at me. She recantly spent a month in a spych ward for anarexia among other things. I guess since she is the only person I can talk to, I give her a whole lot of shit and end up acting really wierd and insecure around her. I guess b/c its the only time I can talk about it at all.
I then get really mad at myself for acting that way because She doesn't deserve it, she has enough to deal with hersself. I really like her (as a friend) and I feel like i can't imagen that she will stick around and put up with me much longer. I always end up sending her wierd really long emails apologizing for being wierd as asking if we are still friends....
I then end of feeling really mad at myself for being stupid, which, occasionally ends up with me cutting....


Wow I know that was really long and off topic etc. I just needed to get it off my chest. Sorrry! ahhh

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I have no trust in my parents anymore, my mom ruined that. So I just don't tell them anything anymore. I just tell them that things are all fine.

As for my friends I can't see any of mine sticking around too much longer either because I have really been isolating myself from them...So by the time next year comes around I probably won't have any friends really.

[cool person]

Firstly, Good Morning :)

Yeah I just say "good" etc when they ask me how I am. Even though I think my mom might be slightly suspictious, she has been asking me how I am ALOT. I spend most of my time either, out or in my room...

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

Yeah my parents were getting a little suspicious when I kept to myself a lot at home...so I have been trying to not be in my room all night when I get home... I do homework upstairs for a few hours and then I finish it downstairs...in my room...

[cool person]

That is a good idea, I'll try that.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

It works for at home...but I haven't figured out what to do about school yet. I have isolated myself a lot at school...to the point where I really don't even see the friends I still do have. I have skipped going to lunch because I just can't face them...even the classes I have with them I don't really talk to them that much anymore. Not like I used to. Things are just kind of tense between my friends.

As for things with my parents things are still pretty tense between us too...but I am starting to form a better relationship with my dad....I feel a little more comfortable around him now. As for my mom I still don't trust her.

[cool person]

Isolating yourself is never good. By nature, humans are social animals. We do alot better when we relate to others. I know it can be hard, but try to stop avoiding lunch etc. Even if it seems a little forced or akward at first, it will only get better.

As for your perants, I obvviously haven't the slightest knowledge of your history...How ever I have found talking about it, especially to a nonjudgemental crowed, like us here on VT, can help make things clearer....I'm not trying to pressure you or anything, but when you feel ready, I really suggest talking about it to someone

[Tom214]

I havn't told my parents but my friend who cuts mum found out and all she did was tell her its stupid and took away anything sharp from her room.
But i think my friend might know as he's always asking how im feeling loads.

I think if you want to tell your parents but cant strate out try hinting or hiding them less to see if they spot them.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I know isolating myself isn't good. In fact sometimes it makes things worse...and I'm really trying to get out of it, but it isn't easy. If my best friend hadn't moved I can tell you right now that some of this stuff would not be happening. She would never let me skip lunch no matter how much I wanted to. But the fact is she is gone...and I know none of this is her fault. I just wish that some of my other friends would step in and help. I told my friend that if I don't go to lunch, come and get me. Make me come to lunch. She knows where I am when I skip lunch. For a week or so I went back to lunch. Then I started isolating myself again because it didn't seem like anyone cared. Guess what...no one stopped me. The very friend that I told to make me come to lunch...didn't. So I really don't see the point in going to lunch anymore...when my friends don't care anyways...

As for my parents....well all that STARTED about 5-7 years ago. My aunt and uncle became very sick and my parents pretty much just abandoned me and my siblings...so they could take care of my aunt and uncle. Sometimes neither one of them would even come home at night...they would sleep at my aunt and uncles...that left me to do all the cooking, the cleaning, taking care of the kids stuff...my siblings were still pretty little at the time... So I would have to make them dinner, make sure they do their homework, make sure that they get to bed on time...and then I would have to wake them up and get them off to school in the morning. So basically I became the parent...at the young age of 13....on top of my schoolwork..I was doing the work of a parent...and that's no easy job..especially as a teenager. To be honest with you I don't even know how I kept it all together then. The only thing that made things okay for me was still knowing and getting to see my aunt and uncle. Without them now, my life feels empty...and things are just not right. Well what happened between me and my parents is...when they were finally albe to be at home after my aunt and uncle died...it made things awkward because when my aunt and uncle were sick and they were always gone I didn't talk to them much...I have become so independent over the years...I just can't seem to talk to them anymore... no matter how hard I try and I tried telling my mom some things this year and even though I told her I wanted to keep things between me and her she went behind my back and told all her friends... So things are kind of tense between me and my parents...

[RaeNose]

How do you skip lunch? Sorry, I haven't been on in a while. The concept of skipping lunch is... foreign to me. (If you've seen old star trek, that's what I sound like saying that out loud. lol.)

Anyway, I understand about the whole independence thing. My parents forced me to be able to stand on my own. It's now a goal for my entire family to find me a job and get me a car (maybe 17th b-day? Idk.) It's incredibly hard to be the oldest, because as the oldest you're required to be the organized second parent almost. It's true that you get all the benefits that the younger siblings don't get, but you have to break parents down to get them. And sometimes, it doesn't even matter about the benefits, because there's so much expected of you that you can't give up. You must be the strong one that always finds a way, because you're the hope-bringer to the family. The whole thing kills me sometimes, because being one of the younger children would be so much easier with so much more attention. I know no one's going to cry when I go to college, because I won't be. I have to work to pay for college, because my parents never saved for mine. So, I'll be going to JC until I can get more scholarships than I have right now. I may not even go considering the way everything is working out. I don't know what's going to happen. I just have to keep working, as I have done my entire life.

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

Skipping lunch is a way I cope. I isolate myself...and I get away from everyone because to be honest I think they don't care. They don't understand what I'm feeling and they don't want to. Nobody wants to understand becuase I hurt.

Independence- My parents expect too much out of me...and nothing from my siblings..yet my siblings get more attention...and treated better. they are there for my siblings...not for me. and ever since I was 12 I have been that second parent...