Yet another dilemma to solve!

[MaddyC]

Heyyyy y'all :D
My "returning the favour" went marvously! Thanks for everyone who helped me out, i am totally and utterly grateful :)

Nowww onto another dilemma. I want to tell him I want to lose my virginity to him, but my friend had a bad experience with it so i am extremely cautious...

The friend (shall be known as A) told her ex-boyfriend (who is B) that she wanted to give her whole self to him. B told all of his friends that A was forcing him to have sex for some strange unknown reason and they broke up after A confronted B.

I dont want my boyfriend to do the same, and I dont want him to be all like "oh my godddddddd shes obsessed" or whatever. We havent ever talked about making love either!

I have been dating him for a year, and he is SUCH. A. NICE. GUY. Not even joking, he is amazing :)! We love eachother heaps and to this day we have never fought ... so I think he will take it alright...

BUT i need your opinions anyway :)
Should I tell him or should I keep it to myself??

[IAMWILL]

Good! Okay, this is a problem that comes down to the roots of love and relationships, trust.

Sex is something in life that you only experience with a few people, so the process of building up to sex must be taken slowly. Before you make this deciscion, take a day off to contemplAte if you really want to do this, is it worth it, and what may be the possible outcomes of doing it. I mean, sex can either make or break a relationship, as it seems you know, not to mention pregnancy, so this must be taken seriously.

If you decide to go ahead with this, make sure you have options. You don't want to go all or nothing, like your friend might have done (although the person that told all his friends is pretty much a complete jackass[sorry if that offends you]) that caused their relationship to die. Just maybe when you two are alone, and playing around kinda, just sit him down and tell him in a nice calm voice what you want to tell him. If he says he's not ready, then just say okay, and try to end the conversation with something nice of funny to avoid having it be awkward.

You really really really really really really really reallly really really really really (not being sarcastic) really need to trust each other here, this is a major turning point in your relationship. Hope all goes well though, keep us updated, -Will

[Tubbsyclone]

Ya make sure ur ready to do this first. then what I would do is when your a lone and things r getting passonate. ask him what he thinks about sex. I would get a condom if I were u just incase

[byee]

Well, if you want to have sex with him, I suppose you'll have to tell him, so I'm not sure I understand that last question.

As William the Great has accurately identified, sex is a very complicated thing (for highly evolved sorts, anyways), b/c it stirs a lot of intense emotions, and it can very likely change the relationship pretty significantly.

The first step is to talk about it. If you cannot do that, then what you're really saying is that you're not quite there yet, that the comfort and trust aren't there. If you can't talk about it, doing it will be much more complicated, and the feelings will be harder to cope with, b/c you don't have the experience of having talked thru it first. You'll basically be all alone with your reaction.

The second step is to think about (and then talk with him about) your expectations. Most people have a poor experience b/c the expectations they have aren't realistic, AND they haven't sorted them out with their partner first. But, before you do that, you have to identify within yourself what your own expectations are.

[Gumleaf]

well it seems that you have a wonderful relationship developing there. the question of sex and when/if you want or should do it is always a tricky one. but the key is to talk about it with your bf. communication is the key to any relationship. just sit down with him and just ask him how he feels about sex and stuff. if he is the nice guy you say he is, he should give you an honest answer. then you can tell him how you feel. this doesn't necessarily mean that if you both want to, that you need to go ahead and do it now, but it should open the door to talk about whether you are really ready and whether you are ready to accept the consequences that sex can bring. i'm sure i don't have to tell you, but sex is a huge step and something that shouldn't be taken lightly.