AutumnDae
April 14th, 2009, 11:21 PM
2 years ago today was the first time that Nick and I talked. He said "Hey" at the Rec Field and started calling me Crunch. And he made me laugh. And smile. And he even laughed at something I said. Nick. Now, Nick was one of those totally friendly, no one dislikes, athletic, and honestly pretty cute kids. I had caught myself glancing his way during study hall a few times before, but we had never talked really before. But that one day we did. We became instant friends. And we connected about everything. I opened up to him, and he kept my secrets. I formed the biggest crush on him, but he never felt the same. He laughed at me when I fell off the swing, and I threw water at him when he did. We had a lot of fun together. He was such a good friend. Amazing. He always called me "My Crunch."
I will never forget, as long as I live, one day. We were hanging out in a huge group at the Rec, like almost every day during the summer. That's the 'place' in my town. Someone had a basketball with them, and we ended up sitting in the grass rolling it around, all of us. Nick was sitting next to me, and Chloe on the other side. Mikey threw the ball at me, but I turned away as he did it, looking at something. The ball hit me square in the head, and it hurt, really bad. I tried to make it look like no big deal, not wanting to make a fool of myself, but Nick, being the nice guy that he was, could tell that it hurt. And he made me walk away with him and I laid down in the grass and he kept telling me stories about when he got hurt. And they were disgusting. Being a good athlete, he had some bloody stories. Yuck. But I kept laughing. And I felt better.
Then. It all changed. August 6th. I come home from shopping with my mom. The phone rings. I didn't answer it, Mom did. I caught the last bit of her conversation. "Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. Okay, I'll let her know." And immediately I knew something was up. What happened? What was going on. I ran downstairs and saw the look on my mom's face. She choked out 4 words. "There's been an accident." What? What kind of accident. "Nick....your friend Nick. He's been hit by a car." I thought I was going to pass out. He's going to be fine. He's got to be. Nothing can hurt him. He's like superman. He's going to be okay. "Mom, what happened? What's going on? Is he okay?" She silently looked away and began crying. I couldn't talk. I couldn't breathe. I had to go somewhere. I had to leave. It's too much.
I went outside to our swingset. Where Nick, Lindsey, Mikey, and I had spent summer days sipping Cokes and telling jokes. Sitting in the sun, laughing. I sat and tried to breathe. It shouldn't be this hard to breathe. I though I was going to pass out. I sat on the ground and sobbed. I had to walk. Do something. I walked near our fence and vomitted. Why?
The only word I could say was why. Why him? Why now? Why? Why? Why? I started shouting. And sobbing uncontrollably. This couldn't be happening. It's a dream. This can't be happening. Who's cruel idea is this?
Mom came outside and sat down until I could breathe. She told me the story.
Nick was riding his bike with Mikey. They went around a corner, racing. Nick didn't stop. A car came down the hill, around the corner and hit him. Head on. Nick wasn't wearing a helmet. He was airlifted to the hospital. Mikey was fine, physically. He wasn't talking to anyone and had a look like he would never forget the scene.
I choked out a few words. "How....is....Nick?" I got a look from my mother and a quiet "Not so well Honey." I started sobbing again. No. No. No.
I sat by the phone, waiting, praying, that he would come through. Waiting for a phone call saying he would be alright.
The next morning, a call came. Not the call I was hoping though. Nick was now on life support. His mom and stepdad were waiting until his older brother could get there until they took him off. It would be sometime later that day. I screamed so loud my throat hurt. NO. NO. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. I PRAYED MOM, WHY ISN'T HE GETTING BETTER. WHY? WHY? WHY?
And that day....I lost my Nick.
And now, it's 2 years after the first time we really talked. And some days, it seems like yesterday. I can still see his smile, still hear his laugh. And I can still feel his punch. He always greeted me with a light punch on the shoulder, along with his award winning smile.
My Nick. He's not here anymore, but he will always be mine.
Hey Nick? I had the biggest crush on you. But I never told you. I'm hoping that you aren't too upset. You always told me to leap without looking. Looking was for scared people. You told me never to be afraid of the future. Be afraid of not doing things. Sorry I was afraid to tell you.
------And that's the story of how I gained. And lost. My Nick.
I will never forget, as long as I live, one day. We were hanging out in a huge group at the Rec, like almost every day during the summer. That's the 'place' in my town. Someone had a basketball with them, and we ended up sitting in the grass rolling it around, all of us. Nick was sitting next to me, and Chloe on the other side. Mikey threw the ball at me, but I turned away as he did it, looking at something. The ball hit me square in the head, and it hurt, really bad. I tried to make it look like no big deal, not wanting to make a fool of myself, but Nick, being the nice guy that he was, could tell that it hurt. And he made me walk away with him and I laid down in the grass and he kept telling me stories about when he got hurt. And they were disgusting. Being a good athlete, he had some bloody stories. Yuck. But I kept laughing. And I felt better.
Then. It all changed. August 6th. I come home from shopping with my mom. The phone rings. I didn't answer it, Mom did. I caught the last bit of her conversation. "Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. Okay, I'll let her know." And immediately I knew something was up. What happened? What was going on. I ran downstairs and saw the look on my mom's face. She choked out 4 words. "There's been an accident." What? What kind of accident. "Nick....your friend Nick. He's been hit by a car." I thought I was going to pass out. He's going to be fine. He's got to be. Nothing can hurt him. He's like superman. He's going to be okay. "Mom, what happened? What's going on? Is he okay?" She silently looked away and began crying. I couldn't talk. I couldn't breathe. I had to go somewhere. I had to leave. It's too much.
I went outside to our swingset. Where Nick, Lindsey, Mikey, and I had spent summer days sipping Cokes and telling jokes. Sitting in the sun, laughing. I sat and tried to breathe. It shouldn't be this hard to breathe. I though I was going to pass out. I sat on the ground and sobbed. I had to walk. Do something. I walked near our fence and vomitted. Why?
The only word I could say was why. Why him? Why now? Why? Why? Why? I started shouting. And sobbing uncontrollably. This couldn't be happening. It's a dream. This can't be happening. Who's cruel idea is this?
Mom came outside and sat down until I could breathe. She told me the story.
Nick was riding his bike with Mikey. They went around a corner, racing. Nick didn't stop. A car came down the hill, around the corner and hit him. Head on. Nick wasn't wearing a helmet. He was airlifted to the hospital. Mikey was fine, physically. He wasn't talking to anyone and had a look like he would never forget the scene.
I choked out a few words. "How....is....Nick?" I got a look from my mother and a quiet "Not so well Honey." I started sobbing again. No. No. No.
I sat by the phone, waiting, praying, that he would come through. Waiting for a phone call saying he would be alright.
The next morning, a call came. Not the call I was hoping though. Nick was now on life support. His mom and stepdad were waiting until his older brother could get there until they took him off. It would be sometime later that day. I screamed so loud my throat hurt. NO. NO. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. I PRAYED MOM, WHY ISN'T HE GETTING BETTER. WHY? WHY? WHY?
And that day....I lost my Nick.
And now, it's 2 years after the first time we really talked. And some days, it seems like yesterday. I can still see his smile, still hear his laugh. And I can still feel his punch. He always greeted me with a light punch on the shoulder, along with his award winning smile.
My Nick. He's not here anymore, but he will always be mine.
Hey Nick? I had the biggest crush on you. But I never told you. I'm hoping that you aren't too upset. You always told me to leap without looking. Looking was for scared people. You told me never to be afraid of the future. Be afraid of not doing things. Sorry I was afraid to tell you.
------And that's the story of how I gained. And lost. My Nick.