hi. Just need to get this off my chest.

[Maizda]

Hello VT.

ok, so this feels really odd talking about this on here. But i dont know what else to do. :( So im 16. And started self harming about 6 months ago. And it has compleatly taken over my life. I started when my mum stared haveing her chemotherapy. I was so scared and stress, i thought i was going to loose her. When she was diagnosed i basically turned a rebel in school, didnt give a damn about life. And got really depressed.. infact i still and suffereing from depression.

I have only told 3 people about this. One being my boyfriend. Two being my friend Beth, and three being my counsellor. Now i havent seen my counsellor since i told her because of the easters (i only told her last week) Well by told i mean typed it out and handed her the paper.

Now i go through phases. Of not doing *it* for about a week, then I can be really bad and do it daily… sometimes twice daily. I didn’t manage to speak to anna (my counsellor) about the cutting, because I was pertified, I was sat there in silence on the verge of a panic attack!

I don’t even know why im writeing here, I guess its because ive been so bad lately, and I mean bad. All i can think off is finding something sharp and well.... yea. Im scared my mum will find out, and things aren’t very stable at home. She would probably kill me! She doesn’t know I see Anna because im so scared of her reaction and what she will say. And dad would get aggressive if he found out.. its easier if its just me that knows. :(

And everyone on here will listen right? I don’t mind if you don’t or you ignore me. But at least I got it off my chest right?

Love Maizda. x

[Donkey]

Hi Maizda.

Welcome to VT :)

We're always here to listen so if you ever need to get anything off your chest, we're here for you. Just type it up and we will listen and be understanding towards you. I don't think you have posted for advice, and sometimes a good old rant is what we need. It's good you have a counsellor. If you have any more problems, they're obviously always there to talk to you if you need it.

There are loads of people like you in the world, and here for you to talk to. Feel free to message anyone you like so that you can meet and talk to anyone else like yourself. Sometimes it's good to talk to people, and it makes you feel better - like I think it has done here.

Self harming is easy to get into, and hard to get out of. Just try. Think of how much you want to stop, and how ashamed of yourself you would be if you do it after not doing it for so long. Think about what you're doing to your body, and that everyone wants you to stop. Please, for everyone who loves you it is really best that you stop it because if they knew (which some of them do, I think?) they wouldn't be happy to see you like that. If you stopped, it will make you feel like a happier person and those who knew would also feel proud of you.

Just remember we're here for you :)

[NightFighter]

Hey :)
Remember that once you give into temptation it is so much harder to restrain yourself the next time you feel the need to cut. Please, try to be strong. The relief or relaxation that hurting yourself gives you is only temporary. You will need to do it more often and deeper each time. It isnt worth it. The scars will there forever.
Next time you feel the need to s.h try distraction/coping techniques e.g
snap an elastic band on your skin, rub ice on the area you wish to hurt, scream into a pillow, go for a walk...
There are many many more and if you want me to list some more ways then il be happy to :)
Take Care,
Im new here too so if you want to pm me then im here to talk :)

[Beautiful Obsession]

hey welcome to vt, i know its hard to talk to people about cutting bcuz you think there going to think less of you, which is why your so scared to talk to your councler, bt whateva you tell her is completely confidential and she wont think any less of you.

You can always to to people here on VT if you need to..
Pm any time bbe xx

[Maizda]

Thanks every one. My next appointment with the counsellor is this wednesday. Im so scared. :(

Thanks NightFIghter and Hollie.x. Ive tried to stop... ill stop for a couple of days, then cut really bad. I get so down and depressed, i dont know what else to do.

xx

[BuryYourFlame]

hey, dont be scared about goin to the coucellor, they are there to help you, the have a lot of experience in dealing with situations, and how best to help you :)

pm me if you wanna talk, or if you wanna know my msn :)

[Maizda]

thank you the-never-cycle.

xx

[Beautiful Obsession]

how did councling go babee?
and have you cut recently? xx

[Maizda]

how did councling go babee?
and have you cut recently? xx

It was ok i spose. She kept asking me all these questions... i answered them so thats good right? But i dont really like her.

Last time i cut was thursday. *sighs* x

[Beautiful Obsession]

yes its good that you told her:) well if you dont like her.. maybe see anuva one. but u will prob not lyk them either. its common not to like ur counclier.. but they help you:)

and well done.. keep it up bbe:) x xxxx

[bmanster]

hey i havent talked to u before and i read wat u said about u cutting and self harm
like others have said dont be scared to talk to a counciler(spealling is wrong sry)
anyway im here to talk if u want

[Maizda]

hey i havent talked to u before and i read wat u said about u cutting and self harm
like others have said dont be scared to talk to a counciler(spealling is wrong sry)
anyway im here to talk if u want

Thank you. x x

[katytruthteller]

heya maizda im kinda new on here but ive always been told im a great listener if u need anything just mail me and i will be there im here to help :)
also it sounds like u got some really bad issues atm but keep on wit the counsellor i hate mine but at least they try to get you to tell them whats rong so they can help i do hope it all works out 4 u nd ur family
kath x