If you've been bullied/abused...

[Sapphire]

When we are abused, we tend to know rationally that we have been victimised. It doesn't always feel that way though.

So my question to those of you who have been on the receiving end of any long term (a year or more) abuse is: do you necessarily feel like you were/are a victim?

[Cloud]

been on and off for like 5 years. and the way ive had it it just seems that everyone was against me. like it was pretty constant the stuff that was happening so i was constantly reminded of it and i felt like i was being victimised alot because of that.
well ye want to know anymore jsut ask hope that answered your question.

[theOperaGhost]

I didn't really feel victimized...but I'm not sure how I felt. I think I was more paranoid about anything anyone said than I was actually bullied or anything. I don't know if I was bullied, I think I just felt that everyone was out to get me and nobody liked me.

[-Silence]

I felt like I deserved it.
Like everything she dished out I was supposed to endure, because I wasn't good enough.

[The Batman]

I believed all the names and things they called me. I figured i was a bad person and I deserved it. I'm still like that sometimes too.

[Sapphire]

Heather & Thomas, did you feel victimised as well as feeling as if you deserved it?

[nachtspiegel]

I go back and forth between feeling like I was victimized and feeling like I deserved it.

[-Silence]

To me, no, I didn't feel like a victim.
Because to me, if I was a better person, I wouldn't have gotten the abuse.
I just never changed myself, so the abuse just kept coming and I deserved every bit of it.

[MaDeYoUlOoK]

Sometimes my dad is in one of those moods and he gets very angry and verbally abuses everyone. Its only sometimes though. It has been going on now for about 3 years. He can get angry or really angry and most of the time when this happens I go to my bedroom or just ignore him.

[sienna.]

my boyfriend hits me.
i have a broken nose (that's why it looks soo effed now.)
bruises, swollen face.
and broken ribs...
but i have deserved all of them... except maybe one.
soo i don't think i am a victim.. because i deserve it.

[The Batman]

It depends on who was doing it. At school i just took it and didn't feel like a victim i would go home crying some days about too. At home though whenever my dad and my siblings did it I felt like i deserved it some days and other days i felt victimized.

[ShatteredWings]

No, it is my fault.
it's my fault for not being strong enough to stop it, yes even though i was young.
it's my fault now for not sticking up for them now.
it's my fault for encouraging other people to pick on me and harass me.

the only people who are victims in this right now are my little brothers. they didn't ask for it, but i'm powerless to stop it, because it's "legal" (meaning, they're smart enough to not leave marks that the school will see)


edit: yes, this sounds a little irrational. does it matter? it's the truth, honestly

[Truth]

I never really cared when i was bullied verbally or physically. I ignored it. O.o

my boyfriend hits me.
i have a broken nose (that's why it looks soo effed now.)
bruises, swollen face.
and broken ribs...
but i have deserved all of them... except maybe one.
soo i don't think i am a victim.. because i deserve it. :( Man, you seriously need to dump that loser.

[chucknorrisrules]

I've never been really good with feelings... at all.

When my dad hit me, and people bullied me from 2-6 grade, I didn't really feel anything. I think that the abuse and bullying are the main reasons I can't cry anymore, nor can I really express how I feel because of the suppression. I wouldn't say I was victimized, because I don't really know how I felt.

[Sapphire]

Ok, let's get back on topic please - I don't want this thread to get completely ruined.

I never really cared when i was bullied verbally or physically. I ignored it. O.oI am surprised that ignoring them worked for you.
I often tried to ignore it but somehow they always managed to get to me.

I was bullied for the majority of the time I was at school (8 years) and sometimes were worse than others. I didn't so much feel like a victim for the first 5 years, but the last 3 were horrific for me and made me feel very much like a victim.

The abuse I've been through has been different though. I can see how it affected me by changes in my behaviour (dressing down for example) but to actually say that I felt like a victim would be inaccurate. I have phases where I feel immense amounts of responsibility for getting into those situations.

[The Batman]

Ok, let's get back on topic please - I don't want this thread to get completely ruined.
What she said.

[Atonement]

I have removed posts from this thread. If there is any more off topic nonsense, I will lock this and infract the violater. Now, if you have a discussion, take it to PM and do not post in off topic threads. You've been warned sufficiently.

[Hyper]

Hmm well... My history of ''abuse'' is long, colourful, painful and so on.

But I've never thought about it as such. If I think back on it, I'm just a little angry at myself for doing this or that, not fighting back and the like.

But there were times when I did fight back and so on.. So I don't feel like the victim.

[Project Delta]

i've been bullied by people since year 3 and im now in year 11 so for 8 years without much breaks until most recently.
I felt like such a victim and i slowly started to believe what people were saying but most recently it has stopped for the first time. so im exstatic

[lesher]

I don't even know what I did to him/her/them to make me deserve an abuse... The only thing strange I have is my low frequency voice (bassy), but what's wrong with that anyway?!

I really don't do bad things, but I still get abused, this isn't fair :(

What I do is just ignore hem, acting like a cold hearted person (putting on cruel face is optional, but it can helps)

[TigerLily]

I've been abused by my mother all my life, dont really wanna go into details (ive never really told anyone the whole story). I don't live with her anymore though, so things aren't so bad atm.

To answer your question, when I was very young (up to age 10 or so), I was unaware of how to feel. I dont remember feeling like I deserved it, just feeling alone, scared and unloved. During this time, I was very, very quiet (i would generally talk as little as possible, mostly only when spoken to). Now I feel kinda like a victim I guess, in the sense that I know I dont deserve anything thats happened to me.

[Project Delta]

See the ignoring thing failed for me, and that was my method for all the years and then i started cutting because of it, so if i were you i would try writing stuff down about how you feel and still ignore but dont bottle it up like i did.

[Truth]

I am surprised that ignoring them worked for you.
I often tried to ignore it but somehow they always managed to get to me. Well, what i meant by ignore was when they hurt me, i just walked away, when they called me fat, i'd just go sit alone. I'll have a bad backfor life because of one kid, funny thing is my mom bullied his mom as a kid, and it only took one call for that kid to move away.. haha. =] But i've still never been the same from the verbal abuse, i have no self esteem now, and think horribly of me and nicely of everyone else. =/

[Project Delta]

I feel the same to be honest, but the main reason i get bullie is cause i dont care what i look like, i have like the longest hair in my family (including sis and mum, and im a boy xD ) and i just go to school with it, looking really messy, my mums just like, "brush your hair!" and i'm just like, why? if i dont care how i look, why should others

[lesher]

I think I will trying to avoid bully as much as possible

Some of my ways to avoid bully:
- Make ppl who bully to "need you" very much. If possible, make them to beg for your help
- Avoid/ignore them, don't respond
- Get away as far as possible (this is different from my 2nd tip because in this case, you won't meet your bullier at all, but on my 2nd tips, you'll still see you bullier)

[INFERNO]

I was bullied both in school, ranging from being stripped half-naked, thrown in mud, getting beat up, and occasionally having some teachers just laugh right in my face. The few friends I had always turned on me, usually humiliating me in some way or simply allowed others to beat me up, do nothing about it then walk away with them laughing in my face.

At home, when my grandmother was alive (parents were going in and out on business-related trips or working late hours), I was being called a worthless piece of shit, a non-christian scum who will accomplish nothing, etc... . When my parents were home, it ranged from being called an idiot, a moron, an asshole (i.e. for opening the fridge door to get juice and pouring a glass while the door was open), to getting thrown out for a bit at around grade 6-8 (not sure when exactly), etc... .

One of my neighbours worked with the police, a great friend of my father who refused to believe me and sent me back home, calling me paranoid. To me, I am a victim of a shit society, a corrupt society where if you call out for help, you get mud thrown in your face as though you're vermin.

I got some revenge on my grandmother, making her life a living hell, had her sent to the doctor's several times, then at around 12-14 (not for long, less than a month), did some drinking, but parents took that away. And of course, this led to conduct disorder and probably some of the current diagnosis.

[lesher]

@INFERNO : Ouch, your life must pretty hard on those ages, huh?

[INFERNO]

@INFERNO : Ouch, your life must pretty hard on those ages, huh?

There were good times, it wasn't all bad times. I thank my parents for certain things. I blame them but also society, especially police because it apparently is so hard for them to put down their coffee and donought, and actually do something. I question at times what we pay them for, as many times they'd rather wait for some big event to happen, race to that scene like a pack of vultures and claim the "glory" or whatever they call it.

[Shattered Soul]

i've been bullied since age 4 until the present day, and abused for a period of time aswell. The bullying has ranged from name calling to being threatened with 'having (my) head blown off). The teachers encouraged it in there own little way, including calling an assembally for the whole of the junior school in which I was made to stand up and be yelled at by the head for something I would never do. It has really screwed me up, to the extent of it being one of the reasons i'm going to see a psychologist. I blame the teacher, I blame the other children, I blame the government and I blame my uncle and in some ways, my mum, for my uncle abusing me.
Yes, I am a victim, but if I pull through this, I'll be a surviver.

[TigerLily]

Yes, I am a victim, but if I pull through this, I'll be a surviver.

Wow, I love that quote, thats inspired me a lot this evening, just when I need it, so thankyou :)
I'm sure you will pull through this, and while you're going through the process, remember there are so many people here at vt willing to lend an ear :)

[Pirate]

I blamed myself for years and years afterwards and felt like I deserved it because I was shit basically.

I realised for the first time when I was 15, that it wasn't true. And that the feeling that I was shit came from what happened, like I was dirty, and not from me as a person. It wasn't a huge deal realising this, but it did feel like an amazing release.

[BenjiJoelCorrea]

i have been teased so much.one kid even pushed me down the stairs.im 14 and still gettin beat up

[deadpie]

I try to call myself a survivor, but if i'm living in the past, that's all bullshit. So yes, I am a victim.

[BenjiJoelCorrea]

i got egged on my way home from school

[songboy]

my dad hits me alot but my mom's geting a divorce

[The Batman]

Please don't bump old threads :locked: