yay for 8 breakdowns in 2 hours!

[eikookmi]

I don't know why i'm alive. Anything someone will use against me as a reason to live won't work. I'm not going to kill myself because i can't let myself, no matter how much i desperately want to. I really want to cut myself. But its more of a need. But i really don't know what to use right now and i dont feel like putting in the effort to go find something to use since my mom took a razor. My life is good. My life is fine. There's nothing tragic happening in my life. Why aren't i happy? Im never just going to change. If things got better, i'd still think the same. I have no one. I don't count anyone as friends anymore. People have given up on me because i made it that way. I don't put the effort to talk to them anymore because frankly i dont care and they obviously dont and dont contradict me because you can tell when a person cares or not.Im tired of talking to people whho honestly don't care. Tired of putting the effort when they don't put the effort back. So i've stopped. Recently i downloaded a game and been playing it whenever im home to stop thinking. When i stop playing my mind enters back to reality. I've been getting worse. I break down very easily now. Very frequent now. I've gone downhill again. I havn't looked at vt in quite some time.

I've never beeen a serious cutter. There's always that urge but most of the time i supress it. I hate my self control. Whenever i cut i only allow myself with minor cuts. I forgot why i made myself act that way. Why not just go crazy and slash at myself. Well i did do that once and blah. Parents saw and big emotional day. Thats an old post.

I just can't be happy. I'm fallling apart and breaking and i don't even ahve a reason for it.I dont know why i posted. Someone will say something optimistic. If i said other things or even now, some will say go get help. What else can one say? Talking to someone will not help me.

Im done.
Lifeless
go get me a razor

[Triceratops]

First thing first, well done for refusing to commit suicide! And for giving up on those who aren't worth it. That's a really good thing to do.

You aren't a serious cutter, so your urges won't be half as bad as anothers. To stop yourself from minor cutting will consist of some self-control here. You have more willpower than you think you do. Besides, many of us don't have reasons for our breakdowns. And we do have a lot of them. It's all part of being in our teens, which sucks.

Things will get better, eventually. You may not believe it but it's true. As you said there's nothing tragic happening in your life, this will fade away overtime. You'll see.

Good luck <3 :hug:

[fifi]

I think a little part of you likes feeling that way. Honestly this is going to sound seriously mean and possibly twisted but STOP COMPLAINING, about how bad you feel if you arent going to make any effort to make things better, it isnt going to just happen magically. You have to atleast try.
And you say you're tired of people pretending to care or not understanding but clearly you aren't giving them a chance, people who do not cut themselves aren't going to understand how you feel or why you would do that, if you let people in it might help. Anyway i'm sorry for sounding like a super bitch i'm not feeling too good. But for the optimistic side if you just try things will get better its not easy. Once again sorry for being a bitch.