my story on adderall addiction... help?

[Rise Against]

I was prescribed adderall xr about 2 years ago because i have ADD really bad. I would take 30mg in the morning and then 20mg after school. My grades improved instantly, straight A's. After about a year and a half i noticed that my personality was changing, i was turning into a zombie. I convinced my mom to let me stop taking my meds and she agreed. For about a week i felt depressed and craved it... but the withdraws went away and i felt like my happy old self again but my grades instantly plummeted, my math grade went from an A to a D. After about 7 weeks without adderall my mom forced me to start taking it again, so i did. I was really depressed (i would cry myself to sleep) and under so much stress and pressure (moving to a new school senior year, no friends to shy, grades, sports, college next year...) that i did the unthinkable and began self-medicating my depression and shyness with adderall. I did a lot of research on adderall and became very knowledgeable about its effects and was surprised to find out that Adderall very similar to meth and cocaine (adderall is just a brand name for amphetamine salts). Desperately seeking friends, I started by taking a double dose just to ease my shyness at a track meet. I was amazed at how good i felt, it was like a caffeine rush, times 100, and the best part... euphoria. I instantly fell in love with my adderall. It cured my depression and shyness, I actually made friends! I began double dosing a 2 to 3 times a week but i gradually felt the need to increase my dosage. I am currently taking about 150mg of adderall xr 3 days a week. The positives of adderall: im much more outgoing, not depressed, happy. The negatives: the hangover from adderall is almost unbearable, my resting heartbeat is usually around 150-160 beats per minute when i OD, i only sleep 4 nights a week, i only eat 4 days a week, and i crave it. To be honest, i dont want to stop taking my adderall (i went from having no friends and nearly suicidal, to having lots of friends and happy) but i feel that i need to quit before my addiction gets any worst. I havent told anyone of my adderall use because my family would probably disown me, as my parents are both teachers. I am actually very suprised that i started abusing adderall because i have never tried any drugs, not even cigarettes or alcohol. I guess that everyone is at risk for drugs, even athletic, straight A students...

Any comments, tips, suggestions are welcomed... i am so confused and lost right now, i dont know what to do.