self harm and anger!!

[markium]

About Me

well a little about me, i have verry bad anger isues and are still trying to find the best way of dealing with them.

It was when i was 14 it started getting bad, i would snap and loose my temper in seconds, have realy bad mood swings and was basicly uncontrolable.

i would just fly off the handle realy easy over something small but then spiral uncontrolably, doing danage to other people mentaly and phisicaly, property and comtents and mostly my self.

it got a lot worse as i was growing up, to the point where if someone looked at me funny i would just snap and kick off, dont get me wrong 60% of the time id come off worse as i didnt care who or how many of them there was.

after a while i started to enjoy getting beaten up and every now and then pick a fight i new i wouldnt win just to get the buzz of the pain and distruction on my body. eventualy it wasnt enough so i started hurting my self by headbutting walls, punching and kicking solid objects e.c.t. people then started to ask questions so i had to find another way of fealing the same pain without it been visable to other people, so i started cutting.

i have been seing coucilors, phcico therapists and anger management for 6 years but it took 4 to realise that i had to want to be helped for any of it to work. so after having a big shift in life, relocation, new friends and area. i dicided to sort things out.

Now i still cut but as punishment for all the things i have done in the past and to remind me of the pain i have caused to others, if i do anything wrong at the moment or eaven wake up in a bad i have to cut myself just to calm me down, if i dont every one i see and speak to will get the brunt of my anger and temper.



well thats me, please dont be afraid to introduce your self in the forums,



markium

[byee]

Hi Markium, I'm Sam.

Yours has been a long and difficult road, and it sounds like you've learned some things along the way, some of them good, some not so good. It might be wise to apply those good lessons to improve the stuff that's not so good.

You're right that for therapy to work, you have to 'want' it to work, b/c therapy is a collaboration, it's something that you have to participate in (with the doc) for it to work. But, it sounds like you now realize that, so maybe it's time to go back and do the work to feel better and shed those demons you seem to be carrying around. Sounds like they've done enough damage and had a free ride long enough.

In the meantime, recognize that *whatever* it is that's left you this unhappy is a relic of the past, and that you do not need to punish yourself. At 21, you're a different person, you're an adult now, and you can be whatever you want, you are no longer a prisoner of yuor childhood.

Good luck, and consider therapy, and treating yourself with the respect you deserve.