Parents Trust is Gone..

[SockzInABox]

okay this is really embaressing but i need help..
so i shoplifted one time cause my brother said it was "easy and fun"
so basically i got alot of makeup and stuck it in my makeup drawers at home
my mom asked where i got it and i told her a friend gave it to me and she didn't really
believe me but she just left me alone about it.. so yesturday i was in a store and i was sweating alot so i
went into the dressing rooms to take off some of my tank tops..my mom was really pissed
cause i didn't tell her where i was going and she thought i got kidnapped (cause i left my phone at home)
so on my way out while she was yelling at me..she noticed my bag was stuffed and i told
her it was my tank tops but she didn't believe me so she made me run into a diffrent store and pick up a chicken for dinner.
while i was in the store she looked in my bag and noticed some stuff she didn't know where
it came from so she thought i was shoplifting so we got home and she was questioning me about it and my dad was too...they believed my lie
but later on my dad and i went to get a movie and my mom was snooping
threw my room while i was gone and noticed that i was lieing..
well today she addressed me about and got really really pissed and made me get out everythingi had stolen so once i did that she took it away and told me i couldn't even wear any makeup for a month..i was pissed cause i have a shcool dance this month and my mom is a pushover so she made a couple of exceptions..i told her not to tell Dad because it takes FOREVER to gain his trust
and he punishes me pretty bad so she said she would keep it between us but she would not trust me for awhile and when we go in a store i have to staay by her side...i really need help figuring out how to get her trust back..any help?

[Donkey]

If we're being practical. A great way is to start helping her around the house, and doing jobs for her. This will build a stronger relationship between you both hopefully. And with a stronger relationship, comes more trust between individuals.

Also sit down and talk to her about it, tell her how you felt when you were doing it, that you regret it and that you understand it was wrong. Also avoid arguments, fallouts, or anything which could hurt the relationship between you both. If you do all this, hopefully she will see you as better than she thinks of you at the moment and will begin to trust you. Just remember, this can't happen immediately and don't talk to her about trying to get her trust back, that will only make her think you're putting a show on so that you can do something like this again and get away with it. To be honest, it may help a bit to bring your dad into this. He will be able to forgive you faster if you actually admit to it and think of you as a more honest person who understands when they've done wrong.

[byee]

Hi April,

First, it's really ironic that your mom is angry with you for essentially being dishonest, yet does the same thing by keeping your shoplifting from your dad. Lying is lying no matter who does it and for whatever the reason. Perhaps there's a bigger issue here in yoru family, and your shoplifting is just one symptom of it. The cure would be to sit down with both of them, and come clean. Talk about what you've done and why. And work together as a family to address your reasons for shoplifting (are you angry? are you depressed and needy? Don't you have any money?), as well as the *other* issues, notably the fear you guys have of your dad.

I think the real issue here is your lack of control and good judgement, not just 'trust'. In order to work on all three, you might need to do some things that right now seem awkward or downright scary, talking plainly with your folks about all this. If you cannot, or doing so doesn't result in a working plan to help you (not just 'punish' you), then you should get to a therapist. Before you get caught and have to face the Judge.

[SockzInABox]

i have talked to my mom but my dad would punish me beyond all beliefs and
yesturday he was hugging me saying how proud he was that i didn't shoplift..
it's really hard to trun around and say that i did
and it was only once that i did..this is not a regular thing for me
and i relize the bad in it and i promised my mom i would never do it again
its just my mom i have to deal with..every time i walk downstairs now she gives me
a look like "how could you" or "your not my daugter" and i feel like scum and now i'm trying
to avoid her so i don't have to deal with the faces she gives me
i know that i shouldn't but it makes me feel worse..
i helped her make dinner tonight but she's still the same..and she doesn' laugh at my jokes
anymore i want my mom back!! my mom that thought i was awesome and innocent!!
but i went and did something STUPID that i will probably never forgive myself for
this completely changed my life! and i don't know what to do..

[HPstoner]

i have talked to my mom but my dad would punish me beyond all beliefs and
yesturday he was hugging me saying how proud he was that i didn't shoplift..
it's really hard to trun around and say that i did
and it was only once that i did..this is not a regular thing for me
and i relize the bad in it and i promised my mom i would never do it again
its just my mom i have to deal with..every time i walk downstairs now she gives me
a look like "how could you" or "your not my daugter" and i feel like scum and now i'm trying
to avoid her so i don't have to deal with the faces she gives me
i know that i shouldn't but it makes me feel worse..
i helped her make dinner tonight but she's still the same..and she doesn' laugh at my jokes
anymore i want my mom back!! my mom that thought i was awesome and innocent!!
but i went and did something STUPID that i will probably never forgive myself for
this completely changed my life! and i don't know what to do..

It just takes a little bit for her to get over it. My mom always gets like that. It could be worse though like once I got caught cruising around in my moms car drunk. Got taken home by the cops and my mom was the exact same way for like a week to two. But eventually parents regain your trust. Just DON'T lie about anything for awhile.

[byee]

April, I think the real issue (your bad judgement) is being distracted by your mom taking this very personally, that somehow your shoplifting is reflecting poorly on her as a mom. It's not about her, it's about you. I think if this is the only time you've done this, you might want to help her see that one time makes a mistake, not a life long criminal, and that you need her to see this a bit more clearly, and not personalize it, and cut you some slack.

I suspect that she's like this with other things, too, and that this is perhaps the latest example of her reacting based on her own very personal response, how she thinks your behavior reflects on her, rather than what it actually means.

[Donkey]

i have talked to my mom but my dad would punish me beyond all beliefs and
yesturday he was hugging me saying how proud he was that i didn't shoplift..
it's really hard to trun around and say that i did
and it was only once that i did..this is not a regular thing for me
and i relize the bad in it and i promised my mom i would never do it again
its just my mom i have to deal with..every time i walk downstairs now she gives me
a look like "how could you" or "your not my daugter" and i feel like scum and now i'm trying
to avoid her so i don't have to deal with the faces she gives me
i know that i shouldn't but it makes me feel worse..
i helped her make dinner tonight but she's still the same..and she doesn' laugh at my jokes
anymore i want my mom back!! my mom that thought i was awesome and innocent!!
but i went and did something STUPID that i will probably never forgive myself for
this completely changed my life! and i don't know what to do..

Once again, agreed with Sam but I'd also like to add about building a relationship with her again. Helping her make tea once isn't gonna make a lot of difference. You have to keep on doing things for her to show her that you're sorry. While you're helping her, talk to her. As Sam said, tell her that it was just a mistake and that you have learnt your lesson.

[Beautiful Obsession]

well its going to be pretty hard to gain her trust back as you lied about stealing and then got caught anyway. Just tell your mum your really sorry for lyin and stealing and it wont happen again. Do stuff around the house to help her and soon things will be back to normal.. xxxx Hope i helped:) xxxx