Doc.
April 7th, 2009, 09:32 PM
So, it's been a year since I've last visited and what a year it has been. Sparing all the details, I'll state the ones relevant to this thread. Before I joined this site in early 2008, I had a bad problem will pill abuse among other drugs but pills were indeed quite the worse.
Just some background:
Vicodin, Soma and Xanax mostly, however I would take just about any pill that could prompt a high. It started out when I was on my freshmen year when I went to the local free clinic for help with panic attacks and anxiety.
Enter Xanax.
One night I became terribly depressed after a fight with my best and only friend at the time. Remembering a health video on teen suicide at my school, I tried killing myself by over dosing on Xanax. Instead of succeeding, or messing up resulting in me going into a coma or some such nonsense, I took too little to kill myself but enough to induce a high.
I really felt great and progressively began taking more and more over the corse of the year. I met some new friends who shared (what I thought was a) habit, they introduced me to different pills as well as new drugs. By that summer, I was stealing Vics and Soma from my father. When school started back up that Autumn, I would use before, during and after school.
It eventually had gotten so bad that I would pass out during classes, I would always have an excuse however.
January came and I hit a new low that would lead me down a path of violence and lawlessness. I had broken into my friends house in order to steal pills. They went away that winter, knowing his dad also took pills, I waited 'till nightfall and kicked in their A/C unit during a snowstorm to ensure I wouldn't be seen.
I had went in, fixed the A/C, grabbed a pill bottle, unlocked the back door and exited, remembering to lock it on my way out. I had thought I got away completely free, apparently though, a man was out snowplowing and seen a suspicious figure lurking by the house that night. Picking out the most likely target, the cops came to my house.
Too high to know what was going on, I confessed. Served two weeks in a juvenile detention facility and forty hours of community service. No drug charge was filed since they couldn't prove I had taken anything. Things only got worse from there though.
In February of 2008, I messed up bad though. My friends Kevin, Jean and Frankie went out on the lake (Lake Huron, Michigan, United States) blitzed on pills since it was right outside my house and began drinking a fifth of whiskey Frankie stole from a local grocery store earlier that day, I brought a twelve pack of Busch.
After finishing the fifth, we threw it at a passing Snowmobiler but he continued on as if nothing had happened. However, he had called the police and six Tribals (as in Indian cops, since I live adjacent to a reservation) were dispatched to arrest us.
I had seen four of them coming up from behind and tried to warn my friend but they assumed I was smashed, and in all honesty, I had no clue even where I was or whom I was with. I eventually got them to get moving out of my own paranoia and soon enough, we were intercepted by the other two. I had forgotten to ditch the baggy of pills I had on me.
I was arrested on several charges, all of which I cannot remember at the moment but can get from my court documents easily, and after a night in jail I had found out Kevin had gone to the hospital and had to get his stomach pumped. I didn't care though, my only thoughts was how am I going to get those pills back and when will be the next time I get more.
I voided the right for a jury trial as well as representation by an attorney in order for a lesser sentence. I ended up with 120 days in county jail, 150 hours of community service and the enrollment into a rehabilitation program. That was, by far, the worse. That is, excluding the withdraws I suffered through in county.
More to the actual point:
It did work and am still enrolled in the program, as well as on probation. However, I still feel the urge to do pills everyday. While my dad has locked up his, I can still get them any time I like and it's extremely tempting and stressful. I know I would see myself thrown back in jail the instant they came back on the toxic screen I'm forced to get bimonthly but I just don't know how long I can keep this up.
The therapy doesn't work. I've told the counselors this but they just keep saying the same things over and over, which is no help at all. I've told my probie this and all he does is threaten me with jail time if I do.
Have any advice guys?
Just some background:
Vicodin, Soma and Xanax mostly, however I would take just about any pill that could prompt a high. It started out when I was on my freshmen year when I went to the local free clinic for help with panic attacks and anxiety.
Enter Xanax.
One night I became terribly depressed after a fight with my best and only friend at the time. Remembering a health video on teen suicide at my school, I tried killing myself by over dosing on Xanax. Instead of succeeding, or messing up resulting in me going into a coma or some such nonsense, I took too little to kill myself but enough to induce a high.
I really felt great and progressively began taking more and more over the corse of the year. I met some new friends who shared (what I thought was a) habit, they introduced me to different pills as well as new drugs. By that summer, I was stealing Vics and Soma from my father. When school started back up that Autumn, I would use before, during and after school.
It eventually had gotten so bad that I would pass out during classes, I would always have an excuse however.
January came and I hit a new low that would lead me down a path of violence and lawlessness. I had broken into my friends house in order to steal pills. They went away that winter, knowing his dad also took pills, I waited 'till nightfall and kicked in their A/C unit during a snowstorm to ensure I wouldn't be seen.
I had went in, fixed the A/C, grabbed a pill bottle, unlocked the back door and exited, remembering to lock it on my way out. I had thought I got away completely free, apparently though, a man was out snowplowing and seen a suspicious figure lurking by the house that night. Picking out the most likely target, the cops came to my house.
Too high to know what was going on, I confessed. Served two weeks in a juvenile detention facility and forty hours of community service. No drug charge was filed since they couldn't prove I had taken anything. Things only got worse from there though.
In February of 2008, I messed up bad though. My friends Kevin, Jean and Frankie went out on the lake (Lake Huron, Michigan, United States) blitzed on pills since it was right outside my house and began drinking a fifth of whiskey Frankie stole from a local grocery store earlier that day, I brought a twelve pack of Busch.
After finishing the fifth, we threw it at a passing Snowmobiler but he continued on as if nothing had happened. However, he had called the police and six Tribals (as in Indian cops, since I live adjacent to a reservation) were dispatched to arrest us.
I had seen four of them coming up from behind and tried to warn my friend but they assumed I was smashed, and in all honesty, I had no clue even where I was or whom I was with. I eventually got them to get moving out of my own paranoia and soon enough, we were intercepted by the other two. I had forgotten to ditch the baggy of pills I had on me.
I was arrested on several charges, all of which I cannot remember at the moment but can get from my court documents easily, and after a night in jail I had found out Kevin had gone to the hospital and had to get his stomach pumped. I didn't care though, my only thoughts was how am I going to get those pills back and when will be the next time I get more.
I voided the right for a jury trial as well as representation by an attorney in order for a lesser sentence. I ended up with 120 days in county jail, 150 hours of community service and the enrollment into a rehabilitation program. That was, by far, the worse. That is, excluding the withdraws I suffered through in county.
More to the actual point:
It did work and am still enrolled in the program, as well as on probation. However, I still feel the urge to do pills everyday. While my dad has locked up his, I can still get them any time I like and it's extremely tempting and stressful. I know I would see myself thrown back in jail the instant they came back on the toxic screen I'm forced to get bimonthly but I just don't know how long I can keep this up.
The therapy doesn't work. I've told the counselors this but they just keep saying the same things over and over, which is no help at all. I've told my probie this and all he does is threaten me with jail time if I do.
Have any advice guys?