i need some help in my life.

[sienna.]

hey.
names sienna.
and i am sorry if this is long.
i just really need some help.
i am 17 and i have had anorexia since i was like 14.
and the doctors say that it is quite bad. last year i had i guess you could say a small heart attack. (but i'm fine now)
i have never been close with my mum. she honestly doesn't care about me at all!
i don't live at home. i live with my 20 year old boyfriend.
and pretty much my life is getting worse and worse.
and i know it is all my fault. i make horrible decisions!!

last year i got kicked out of school.
i then went through a bit of a drug stage (like ice, speed, ecstasy)
i was pregnant at one stage (i miscarried)
i was in an inpatient treatment center for a while, but then i left because my boyfriend told said i should and because i felt it wasn't doing anything.
while i was in the inpatient treatment center i kinda got my period back and then i slept with my boyfriend and by some mirical i got pregnat.
about 1 week ago i lost the baby.
and i know it is all my fault.

i didn't start eating properaly. the most calories i eat a day is about 175.
i didn't stop forcing myself to throw up. i do that like 2 times a day. the most i have done it is 12 times in a day.

i know that i am not the healithiest person.
i cough up blood a lot. (but i don't think it is a big deal)
i am tired a lot.
i get the shakes.
i am fainted a few times.

i love my boyfriend to death!! i really do.
but some times i get scared of him.
he gets angry sometimes.
he has given me black eyes and bloody lips and stuff.
but last time i told him about the miscarriage i ended up against a wall then with broken ribs.
so i don't know how i am going to tell him about losing the baby again. i am kinda scared.

I KNOW MY LIFE IS SCREWED UP!!!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!

it is times like these where i wish a had a mum who loved me, who could help me. tell me what to do. but i don't so i guess i must get over it.

can someone please help me!!
tell me what to do about my life!!
it is so screwed up!!!
and trust me.. i have made it sound so much better then what it actually is!!

PLEASE HELP ME!!!:(

[Atonement]

If all of this is happening. Do three things.

A. Lose the boyfriend. He is a bad influence. If he's not 100% support and 100% behind you all the time, he's not good for you. You need support and help to motivate you to get healthy no matter what.

B. Get in a hospital/inpatient treatment where they can help you get on a regular basis for eating and metabolism because health is first, then the disorder.

C. Get in therapy.

To start all this, talk to your friends for support, and see a physician. They will be able to lead you to the right help that you need.

[Triceratops]

Hey hun, don't worry about it being long. :)

I apologize if this is no help, but I seriously do believe you need to get rid of this boyfriend. He sounds nasty, violent and abusive. You need someone you can trust and someone who will love and support you, and he is NOT doing this. He's utterly bad.

I also think you are in need of a therapist for your eating disorder and seeking medical treatment for your health.

Take care. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. <3

[Victoria]

No the problem is not her boy friend ! The problem is that she is confused 17 year old girl. She need to be loved, if he don't exist she will be badly!

So Girl sad with yourself,and think about what do you want ! And looking for somebody older to talk about !

[Truth]

No the problem is not her boy friend ! The problem is that she is confused 17 year old girl. She need to be loved, if he don't exist she will be badly!

So Girl sad with yourself,and think about what do you want ! And looking for somebody older to talk about ! Your so wrong, that boyfreind is a total loser. He should be putting her in a medical institute, when it's obvious there's an eating disorder.. It's obvious he does not care. So as vinication said, lose the boyfreind. And make yourself start eating, and go back to the doctors for help. Your not the 'not so healthiest person'.. It's very un healthy what your doing =(. I myself am going to try to see a councilor, and you should to sienna o: It will probably help!