Troubles

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

Here goes... Ive been deeply in love with my best friend for quite a while. I got the perfect opportunity to 'turn him' but i wussed out and couldn't do it. Now, I'm determined to do it but i don't know how. Ive thought about kissing him, or inviting him to a sleep over but im just so confused! I stress and stress and i just want to have him as my own :( Any suggestions?

[Requin]

Hi Layne! Nice to meet you finally.

To be honest, I think you need to take things one step at a time. Rushing into trying to kiss him maybe a bit forward and quick. Invite him over for a sleep over, don't do anything, just have fun. Enjoy yourselves!

Once you've become even closer than I guess you already are...if you honestly want to..then go for it.
You can do it any way you want to, you can come out to him if he doesn't already know...or whatever, I don't know what your options are as I don't know him.

But whatever happens, I hope this helped, and good luck. :)

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

Nice to meet you too :P

We've had a sleepover before, and I actually almost blew him(thats where i wussed out) He knows that i love him, as i say it every day. Yesterday he textd me saying that 'You can chase me till i fall for a girl'. But i have no idea how to do that:confused:

[Requin]

Hmmm, well I see the wise man Sam will reply in a mo..

I also have this kind of feeling towards my mate, even though he doesn't know it.
So, I have no idea how you could go about by doing that. So I'll just offer support and see what others say, as I'll be intrigued.

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

Its just so confusing, he says one thing one say and then is totally different the next. I just wish things were certain so i could know exactly what he wanted!

[Requin]

You could...just ask him. Get him in a good mood, the right place, the right moment, the right time for you and just ask him about his feelings.
It seems very direct I know...but how else will you know?

Do you want to keep going on not being sure?

[byee]

Layne! Always happy to help you out. Although my good friend Joe beat me to it.

I think you might want to seperate your emotional needs here from the physical ones.

I think you and he can have a very close, meaningful, satisfying emotional relationship (if you already don't) without the sexual piece. Enjoying that bond is easy even if you don't get to clearly identify it with some words or gestures. And, although it might not be as all encompassing, it's still important, perhaps moreso than the sexual piece. Work on being close with him, without necessarily looking for the physical part, or even needing to put words to it. let it grow and develop, and it will become clearer to you if you should take the risk of adding the sexual piece to it.

Right now, questioning how to add the sexual piece indicates that you're not quite there yet, that you and he don't have the kind of tight relationship where you'd just know that a gesture or convo will be accepted and get you the desired outcome. So, eventhough your heart might be telling (insisting?) you to do one thing, I think logic should prevail here, and just take it slow and let it develop a bit longer.

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

Sam, im afraid that without taking him sexually ill never get him emotionally. He said it himself 'if you just would have done it you could have had me'. So now im just trying to get that moment back, to do whatever it takes to be more than a friend to him. Even thinking about it makes me sick because I want this so badly! i dont feel as if i could do without :'(

[byee]

Layne, is he open to that? Is he gay? Was he referring specifically to sex with you??

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

He's straight but he was specifically referring to sex with me. He wants me to have him but he just cant say it. he wants to be dominated, but im not a dominant person!

[byee]

Layne, in the absence of a clear statement, what you have here is your own intense desire, and him merely flirting with you (if at all), or maybe his sensing your desire and acknowledging it, the comments are a way of responding to what he's sensing. People who want to be 'dominated' have a dominant, straightforward way of expressing that. I think he might be playing with you in a very close, nice way.

I think there's a risk in actually following thru here, b/c if he's not really into it, if his intent isn't so much to get you to 'dominate' him, then it could ruin the relationship. People who want to be sexual with eachother usually have a pretty direct way of saying that, at some point. You guys might not be there just yet. So, eventhough you WANT him, and he sometimes sends a message that can be interpreted as wanting you, b/c it's sorta ambigious and ambivalent, and inconsistent, it's really best to focus on the other parts of the friendship, and when you're both ready, you'll really know, and act accordingly. Until then, the risk seems to outweigh the gain, IMNSHO.

Not responding to this mixed messages he's sending doesn't make you a 'wuss', it makes you very smart. You see the risk and have assessed that it's not worth it at this time.

[tbboltz92]

Please becareful. You don't want to do anything that will crush your feelings or his for that mattter. Just take things very slow this is a sensitive matter evean more so at our age please just becareful:cool: