This is getting absolutely ridiculous.

[TakenAway--x]

Sorry to be a bother, guys. At this point, I'm just really desperate for some advice in my current situation. The following article is long, but it is everything that you will need to know to understand what I am having issues with.

Right now, I am four months pregnant, and the baby's father- my boyfriend- lives in an entirely different state. I make an effort to call every day and to keep things together. He is 22 years old, and unfortunately, still lives with his mother due to the loss of his job. I have asked him to come with me, but he refuses on account that he believes his mother's diabetes- as she says her doctor put it- will cause her to be "blind by 50, and dead by 60." He says she needs his help and does not want to move here for the more important thing- his child.

I've had issues with his entire family for months. I don't like them, and I am finding it quite apparent that they do not like me. His sister and younger cousin are potheads, and his mother is away for most of the day doing her own thing. By the time she comes home, she finds him on the phone with me and goes completely apeshit.

Now, the reason I am not there with him is because they did not respect me enough to keep their weed or cigarettes away from me. I'd ask them to leave the vicinity, they would complain that it was "complete bullshit. It won't even hurt the baby!" Although they were yelled at multiple times about the issue and made to go outside to do their drugs and such, once the neighbors started complaining, they just had to do it around me again.

So I left to have a healthy baby. Due to the fact that they are dumb enough to believe that weed and cigarettes won't hurt any child, they still claim that I went up there just to have a baby, which I find completely redundant, as I did not know I was going to become pregnant in the first place.

Again, I make an effort to call every day, but now the excuse is that I tie up the phone line. Due to this problem, she buys him a $300 phone plan for his birthday and then proceeds to try to take it from him. I just know that if he gives into this and shares the other phone line with her, she will not answer my phone calls and will complain again that we are on the phone for "hours and hours"- which we are not, but he supports this claim.

What would it matter anyway? I feel if he wants me and he wants to be a part of this child's life, he should be putting in this effort too. It shouldn't matter how long we talk every day, and currently, that is really not as long as they make it out to be. Not to mention, she won't complain when anyone else is on the phone with him- just me.

I don't know what I should do now. Quit calling and let him make an effort? I don't want to just break things off because I'd like to see them work, but at the same time, I just see it going nowhere. I hate his entire family, I can't stand his friends, but I love him. I just don't see how I'm going to get to him with his mother in the way. I wish he could see that right now, I am the one who needs him, and I believe that his mother will be fine if he is not there to take care of her 24/7.

I know this is all jumbled, but is there anyone who can give me some advice on my situation? I really need help, and there's really no one else I can turn to at this point.

Thank you for any you can give.

[byee]

You say you cannot turn to anyone for advice, but what about your parents? Are they able to provide some support and advice thru this trying time? You shouldn't be alone.

I think it's sad, but there's a diff btw'n being a father and being a daddy. You've unfortunately got the former, the guy who provided the sperm, but now that you need the rest of him, he cannot provide it. And, to make matters worse, his family isn't at all supportive (or even aware!) of his responsibilities here. The outlook seems pretty grim, unless there's a real awakening there, and that doesn't sound like it's going to happen so soon.

I think you need to seperate what you'd like and need, however justified, from his ability to provide it. It would be beneficial if he could be a better daddy here, be responsible to you and your baby, but in the absence of that, you should take care of yourself, and maybe get some legal advice concerning paternal responsibilities (like child support), esp. since he's 22.

And make sure you're getting good prenatal care.

[IAMWILL]

Well..... now...... this is hard.

Okay....... ummm.... It seems as though you really like this boy, considering your pregnant with his son, and it doesn't seem like this was an accident. Dealing with family is a BITCH. I absolutely hate it, but there is only two things you can do: ignore and react.
You have perfectly good reasons to not like this family, and I totally agree with you, but this is part of life. Relationships get complicated, and in times like this, sometimes they get worse (considering he can't move out because he lost his job). If you honestly love him, you will not care about his family, only about him (for now). Maybe you could have a getaway for a day or just spend some time ASAP. Get this sorted out. I'll try to respond with better advice soon, give me time to think, this is just off the top of my head.

[TakenAway--x]

Thanks, guys. I appreciate the advice.

I'm having a little bit harder time with things now because it seems to be getting much harder. I'm starting to feel that he doesn't really love me anymore.

Today is his birthday, and I was upset because I won't get to spend but maybe ten minutes altogether talking to him because he will be out most of the day, and I didn't get much time speaking to him yesterday, and all he could say to me was, "Oh, you don't get to talk to me for like 2 days, woop-de-doo."

Not to mention, he was angry with me when I called him once today. He was home at the time I called and claimed that I should have waited for him to call me and let me know he was home. Childish considering it was just a phone call.

He shows no emotion to me anymore, and shows a lack of emotion when I tell him how I feel. Threatens to get a lawyer if I break up with him. I think I am done with it.

I don't know what else to do, and I think I am about ready to permanently separate to do what is best for myself and my baby.

[staying_alive]

Okay this is what i see in your situation: an irresponsible man who doesn't deserve your love. It's obvious that someone who loved you would put in some sort of effort to take care of HIS child. It's a shame that so many men these days are irresponsible jackasses.

Now, I think you should stop calling him. Give him some time to figure his shit out. Because obviously he's getting annoyed at you now, someone that no man who loved you would do. Concentrate on your baby, on your family, and on YOUR life. The last thing you need is the hope that he's going to be there and then be alone with a baby. You have to be ready to be independent, and if he comes around, well then there's an extra perk. But right now, you should become a person who can take care of a baby by herself, because that man is not a man worthy of your love, respect, and time.

EDIT: And about the lawyer...what the hell does he think he can do with a lawyer? The only thing he's got is that his sperm made a baby inside of you. But other than that, you're not legally bound. So he's gonna make himself look like a dumbass if he goes to a courtroom, especially because he's been so negligent with his child. I wouldn't worry about it. From the sounds of it anyway, his family can't really afford a lawyer.