seeing older gay guy

[AussieBoy]

hey i'm 16 and have told my story when i first met this guy. i am now in a full blown relationship with a 50 yo guy who i think is awesome., he is good to me and the sex is mindblowing. i really like him but i am sort of worrying that sum of my other friends will find out and think i'm sick or sumfin? what should i do. i dont want to stop seeing this dude, but i dont want anyone to find out either. what should i do?

[Dragonite]

you put "50 yo guy", do you mean hes 50 years old? Because if he is 50 years old i think he can go to jail sence your 14 years old or 16 years old.

[DarkWingedAngel]

ok the first thing i would like to point out is
your 16
second hes 50
yes you may like him
but even if it's not against your will he can still go to jail for harassment(i think)
anyways
i think you should stop seeing him or something
because both of you are only gonna get hurt

[AussieBoy]

man what is it about ppl these days. 16 is the lkegal age of consent in victoria australia. i can have sex with who i want as long as they are over 16 dudes. it ISN'T ILLEGAL so stop telling me it is.....gee all i wanted was advice, not to get sppoked about jail and stuff. it's LEGAL dudes, so what should i do?????:mad:

[NeverTooLate]

u can't keep it a secret for long
u should just tell them

[Dragonite]

well i dont live in australia here its 18 years old i think, but anyways if you like him then you should keep on seeing him and if anyone finds out then you shouldnt care if you like him that much. dont listen to what other people say.

[theOperaGhost]

Dude, it's creepy...plus your profile says your 14. If it's not illegal, it should be.

[Atonement]

Just an idea, if you embarrassed to love someone, you don't love them. Be proud of those you love.

[confusedboy]

Be careful if it's what you really want. I'm 14, turning 15 in a few weeks... I was sneaking around and my parents found out. Most of my "incounters" were with older men and there going to jail.

If you have feelings for this guy maybe tell him to wait intill it's legal. You don't want him to go to jail. But on the other hand.... (I don't know anythin about him or what you know but...) If his a pedifile he should go to jail. Be careful he's not using you.

[Maverick]

You can't have it both ways. You're either going to have to risk people finding out, or you stop seeing the guy so they don't find out. I don't think its worth the risk being caught so I would stop seeing him. But if you're going to be stubborn on still seeing him, then you'll have to live with the decision if someone finds out.

[nick]

It wouldnt be illegal here (Uk) unless the guy was one of your teachers, or a scout leader or that sort of thing where the adult is regarded as in a "position of trust". If its not illegal and you're comfortable with it then its entirely up to you who you choose to have sex with. Things could still get very uncomfortable for the older guy though if you get found out. Other people wont understand and he could get attacked or even fire bombed or something like that. So take great care.

[Aηdy]

Fucking hell. 50 years old? Legal or not, that's fucking creepy.

[byee]

Regardless of the legality of this (and I'm pretty sure it's quite illegal for a 50 y/o to be sexually involved with a 16 y/o anywhere in the world), it's a simply terrible emotional thing. The needs of a 16 year old are light years away from the needs of a 50 year old. And b/c you are a young teenager and he's a middle aged adult, this isn't so much about a relationship with an 'older gay guy', as much as it is the definition of pedophilia. He is clearly taking advantage of your vulnerability for his own purile needs. So, regardless of what emotional needs this might meet for you, you are being abused. This relationship should stop immediately, it is extremely unhealthful, and you can only get hurt here. If you cannot end this on your own, tell someone who will, and get you the help you need to understand what was so appealing about getting sexually involved with someone old enough to be your father.

[clr9823]

If you were comfortable with it, you would be comfortable with your friends knowing it. Plus, I have to agree, 16(14)-50 is a bit creepy.

[charlie w]

ok first of all, your friends (if they find out) might think that what you are doing is a bit creepy so i wouldn't tell them unless you want to. then you may not want to split up with him but have you taken into account that this guy might just be a bit on the dodgy side-not many 50 year olds would have sex with 16/14 year olds. also, one more point-i don't think you would want to have long lasting relationship with him because when you are thirty-he will be like 80.

[ECGBUnni]

ok age of consent ranges between 15(scandinavian countries) to 21 in the western world. Apparently in the state of australia that he's in, the age of consent is 16, so if he is 16 it should be legal.

however, that doesn't make the "relationship" healthy. Those laws were put in place because many 16 y/os have relationships with 18 or 19 y/o, it's very uncommon for someone that young to be having sex with a 50 y/o man. So my concern lays with the possible issues pertaining to such a relationship

In the end however, if you feel this relationship is healthy, mutual, and loving, then you have to decide if that is worth your friends finding out. There is no "miracle solution" here. Unfortunately this is one of those "you can't have your cake and eat it too" situations.

good luck, and be safe.

[staying_alive]

Okay I would just like to point out that the law is most likely in place so that 16 year olds can have relations with people above legal age in most other countries, i.e. 18 years old. It's not there so that teenagers can go off having sex with 50 year olds. That's morally wrong and people do not approve of that.

Regarding your original question, I do not think that you should tell anyone. It's unnecessary and you'd be better off ceasing activities with this man.

[pontiacdriver]

You can't have it both ways. You're either going to have to risk people finding out, or you stop seeing the guy so they don't find out. I don't think its worth the risk being caught so I would stop seeing him. But if you're going to be stubborn on still seeing him, then you'll have to live with the decision if someone finds out.

This post has said it all, and you have to make a basic decision: either come clean about seeing this guy or dump him. The reality is that there is practically is going to be no one out there who is going to be supportive of a relationship you have with a man who is the same age as your Father. However, love is blind, and you have to learn for yourself what comes along with such a relationship. If you are looking for societal acceptance of your relationship with this guy, then I am sorry to say that is not going to happen especially from your family and friends. I am not doubting your love for this fellow, but the fact remains that it is highly unusual for a person who is only a couple of years away from early retirement to go out with a person who is barely legal. You need to ask yourself several factors:

1) Will your boyfriend and you be equally comfortable with each other's friends and family? Will your 50 year old boyfriend be comfortable and be able to your friends (who I am guessing are you age) as you will be equally comfortable with your boyfriend's friends who are probably in their 40s/50s?

2) Will the age gap and difference in life experiences put your boyfriend at an unfair advantage in the relationship?

3) Will the objections that your family and friends will surely have be able to be surmounted?

Well, far be it for me to impose my values upon you, and only you know at this point what is best for you. However, as a piece of personal advice, nothing good can ever come out of a relationship with such a huge age difference especially since you are a teen and this guy is old enough to be a grandfather in a couple of years. Your profile lists you as being 14, and if you are 14, then you seriously need to stop seeing this guy.

[Oblivion]

You can't have it both ways. You're either going to have to risk people finding out, or you stop seeing the guy so they don't find out. I don't think its worth the risk being caught so I would stop seeing him. But if you're going to be stubborn on still seeing him, then you'll have to live with the decision if someone finds out.

Ant is right.

You know the show Hannah Montana?
It's a show for a reason- it'd be impossible in real life to have the two separate identities. In real life, she chose to be a famous singer/actor, because she can't have both.

Same with you. You have to choose- either stay with the man, and be proud regardless of what your friends say, or realize you don't love him like you thought, and go back to normal life.

[artex]

Hmm if your 16 and its the age of consent ok.... to me tho if i loved him id do for that reason only thats how i feel...your right your friends wouldnt understand and prolly think you were brain washed or drugged or something
be discrete! ppl dont need to know your business
also talk to him about it he can help you and if your seen out be ready to explain hes a friend or w/e
good luck!

[nick]

Okay I would just like to point out that the law is most likely in place so that 16 year olds can have relations with people above legal age in most other countries, i.e. 18 years old. It's not there so that teenagers can go off having sex with 50 year olds. That's morally wrong and people do not approve of that.

Regarding your original question, I do not think that you should tell anyone. It's unnecessary and you'd be better off ceasing activities with this man.
Why is it morally wrong, as opposed to a bit wierd. I find it a bit wierd, but its not for me to judge other peoples feelings. If its legal and above the age of consent its up to them.

I find all of these age limit things arbitrary. Who decides. If you're 16 is it ok to have sex with someone whos 19? 21?, 25? where's the cut off.

[Narwhale343]

I honestly think this is a joke topic. 50 year old? Seriously? If it isn't then I would suggest that you DON'T even lead your friends on about your lover. They would think it's weird and possibly alert authorities.

[staying_alive]

Gerontius, I guess my intention could've been "a bit weird" but i figure morals that most of us have keep us from dating fifty year old men. I think that the laws are put in place so adults cannot touch children without being punished. But once you reach the age of consent, it seems that morals (or something in you for that matter) should take over and tell you if there is too much of a maturity/age difference. I like to consider myself a very understanding person, but this situation seems a bit too odd for me. I still urge the original poster to stop seeing this man, but what can I do? Nothing.

[BeautifulTragedy]

Well, the fact that you feel you need to hide this means you know its wrong and your not to proud of it.

And in a sense..it is SICK. Leave him the hell alone.

[SouthStreet Patrick]

If sounds like you really like this guy. Are you sure he is not using you to get some cheap thrill? If the feelings are true on best sides then be happy that you have someone who loves and wants you as much as you love and want him. I f I had someone who loved me then I wouldn't care what other people thought. Shout it from the roof tops I have a great guy.

[Ladysman]

wow big question

[AussieBoy]

dude it's not illegal here and if they guys you saw are going to jail then you must have reported them?

[Curthose93]

My suggestion is: if the guy seems mentally stable, just do whatever the hell you want. I couldn't imagine myself fucking a woman 3X my age, much less a man, but to each their own.

If perverted old men are what floats your boat, just pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that your parents, grandparents, friends, coworkers, strangers on the street, etc... don't find out about it. No one would look at you the same way ever again, because it is very, very, very weird.

EDIT: BTW, this is my 69th post. W00t

[nick]

Gerontius, I guess my intention could've been "a bit weird" but i figure morals that most of us have keep us from dating fifty year old men. I think that the laws are put in place so adults cannot touch children without being punished. But once you reach the age of consent, it seems that morals (or something in you for that matter) should take over and tell you if there is too much of a maturity/age difference. I like to consider myself a very understanding person, but this situation seems a bit too odd for me. I still urge the original poster to stop seeing this man, but what can I do? Nothing.
staying_alive, not sure if you think I was calling you a bit wierd, I wasn't, that referred to the original post. I agree the age difference makes it a bit wierd. I just don't understand at what point something becomes OK or not OK and think we should be very careful about trying to judge for other people.

Take the age of consent as an example. 16 here in the UK, gay or str8. Why is it OK to have sex on your 16th birthday but not the day before. Thats just stupid

[chris__robin]

hey man, why do you want to tell your friends about it anyway?
if you don't want them to find out about you and ur old man then just cover your tracks well and it will be sweet. i doubt any of your friends would ever suspect your doing shit with a 50 year old guy anyway.

as for the situation itself i think you need to consider what he is getting out of it and what you are getting from it and if you guys are on the same page. Because he's most likely only using you for sex and as a boy toy but if that's what you want then it's your prerogative

[itsJustme89]

I know most people will say its creepy but IMHO I think its' OK,as long as you guys both like each other and it's not an abusive relationship, which can be hard to tell sometimes

[gwmgwm]

You know it is funny. All these people babble about equal "rights" for themselves, and then when someone within their OWN GROUP deviates within that same group you are called "creepy". You are of legal age, and both of you are happy. You two are not hurting anyone else. As long as the morality police cannot storm your house and take you as a political prisoner I would follow my heart.

You have a good day.

Mark

[pkid]

daang! ok you just need to tell the 50yr old guy that you want to stop and that'll probably end it

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

Please don't bump old threads. The general rule is not posting after three to four weeks or more of inactivity. This one is about two months old.

:locked: