BF hanging out with other girls... am I just territorial?

[Lady_Chaos]

This is a little long, sorry.

Okay, so my BF has a lot of friends that are girls, and before I started dating him he hung out with them a lot. The other day on the phone, he mentioned that he wanted to have one of his female friends over on Saturday. I had a feeling of unease at that. I don't like the thought of him having another girl over at his house or the thought of him being at another girl's house without me there. I know he wants to have time to be with his friends, and I try to be cool with that. I wouldn't mind if he went out with one of his female friends if they weren't hanging out at his house or her's, but I'd still be just a little uneasy. I am not allowed to have a guy over at my house unless my BF is there, nor am I allowed to go over to a guy's house unless my BF is there. I think I am biased toward this because of my Mother's POV on the matter.

What's yours?

This really doesn't go with what I am saying but I want to say it: I NEVER get to hang out with my BF it's always just going to the movies to have a "good time". When he says that he wants to have a friend over it makes me sad because he never wants to have me over. I don't just want to be his girlfriend. I want to be his friend... :( (and yes, I have told him this...)

[IAMWILL]

Well, this is where relationships get tricky....

So you like this boy, and you have been going out with him for a while, but now you're beginning to have your doubts...... It happens, just part of life.

Honestly, do what you think is right, (from your and only yours point of view) and don't worry about hurting anyones feelings. Right now, it seems like he doesn't deserve you. You care for him, you like him, but he's not returning the favor :( PROBLEM.

The way to deal with this is maybe spend some time away from each other, go somewhere private or secluded, and just think about this. Is it worth going out with him? Do I honestly like this relationship? Stuff like this should be taken care of, it's not something you should let slip. And it's totally normal that you feel uneasy when other girls are over at his house, you should. You are attracted to him, so you naturally "defend" him.

The final step though, if you honestly feel like it, is breaking up. And to be 100% sincere, it doesn't seem like he'll care much. (I know, it sucks!) He obviously just wants you so he can have a girlfriend (sorry to be a little harsh here) and I know this because it has happened to me before and he likes to hang out with other friends and you instead of just you.

Hope I helped, would be glad to help you out on this.

[byee]

Well, there's that Will guy again giving good advice!

I think there's a lot here, so there's some room for me and my $.02, or whatever your local currency is.

First, it's curious to me that you cannot have guys over unless your b/f is there, yet it's Ok for him. Where'd that come from, that particular 'rule'? And also while I'm pointing out inconsistencies, why does he have other girls over but not you? Did you both agree to that? Friends come in male and female varieties, having chicas as friends isn't such a big deal, gender doesn't mean 'sexual interest'. But why is he excluding you?

I think people have different ideas about dating and going out and relationships, and they're all fine, if both agree on it. In your case, it doesn't quite sound that way, that he's making the rules and you're supposed to accept them. That's the problem here, it's one of agreement. You guys need to sit sown and talk about it, and decide what's OK and not, and why, and come to some understanding and agreement.

[Lady_Chaos]

I think I'm just going to clarify on a few things you mentioned.

My mom doesn't let me have guys over because I have a bf.

He doesn't like to have me over cause we can't cuddle... His rents won't allow it.

Okay, I'm done.

[khaos14]

I think I see this from your bf's point of view. Most of my friends are girls. I have a small handful of male friends, I generally just like hanging out with girls more than guys. Except a few guy friends. I personaly see nothing wrong with him continuing to hang out with his female friends.You mentioned that he spent time with these girls before you started dating, so he is probably just really good friends with them and friendship is friendship no matter what the gender.

[byee]

I think I'm just going to clarify on a few things you mentioned.

My mom doesn't let me have guys over because I have a bf.

He doesn't like to have me over cause we can't cuddle... His rents won't allow it.

Okay, I'm done.


There are a lot of convos to be had here! First, i'm not sure why your mom wonlt allow you to have giys over because you have a b/f? Is there some trust issue between you and her?

And why wouldn't he want you over if you cannot cuddle? Surely there are other activities you can enjoy with eachother?

[Lady_Chaos]

My mom and I are the best of friends. She just doesn't think it's right. My mom had a shitty childhood, involving a hateful father, a crazy mother, a sister that threw her down the stairs constantly, sex, drugs, alcohol, and 4 brothers that were always trying to tell her how to live her life. (I could go on and on about her messed up childhood... she once went a full year living off nothing except potatoes...)

My bf is a cuddly bug. HE LOVES TO CUDDLE. There are other things we can do together and have fun... We once went to the Hana Cafe (with his father) and ate sushi. That was fun... But then we went back to his place and cuddled and made out... (that was before his parents told us we couldn't do that...) and we also went to a LAN party and played video games for several hours straight...

I think talking to him helped a lot. He went to lunch with me today and we hung out a lot in the book club room (We are both proud members =D) and we talked and it was nice. I just hope this continues... And I'm fairly certain that he is coming over on sat. to hang...

[BeautifulTragedy]

Well..is he flirting with these girls or are they just friends..?
Were these girls around before you guys started dating?