I have another memory--Girls Only

[the_hope_house]

The nightmares. Signs of sexual abuse can be told within nightmares... I had a ton of them. I remember dreaming that my father was the devil- he was chasing me down the hallway and the only light was on was the one in the bathroom. That's where he did it to me. And I remember when I was awake of being on the top of my bunk bed and seein gmy twin sister Alannah cry because he did something to her. Everything happend in the middle of the night. That's why we always went to the bathroom together. We knew. It's all coming back. I'm remembering.

[DouggyO.o]

yea, i know im not a girl, but have u ever talked about thi to anybody?

[dying lullaby]

oh hunny, i have been through a similar experiance, and i know how it can haunt you. please tell someone, it seems like it makes it worse in the begining but after that it feels great to have it out of your system and off your chest.

i'm going to move this to the depression forum

[the_hope_house]

Im just happy because now I actually know it happend, because in the past Iw as told it was a nightmare, that I did it to myself, etc. and that I should just "forget about it." I think I should know where I came from if I'm trying to get ahead. Thank you SO MUCH for listening.

[Dr. Salvador]

Maybe you should get a dna test or something because if your dad did something like that to you....it can really haunt your life ya know.

[dying lullaby]

wht would a DNA test do?

[the_hope_house]

no idea. it is haunting my life. my mom says I should move on, but its not about moving on. its about getting help.
thanks you guys :)

[diStURbEd]

I would seek professional help for this. Sexual abuse is never somthing you can really get by on your own. Talk to your mother about and ask to get some help, you can even go to a school counseler they are trained in this kind of stuff!

Don't worry I believe that you can get through this!


(P.S. - I am guy so sorry about coming to this forum :/)

[the_hope_house]

the problem is my mom refuses to pay for it because we're broke and she sees it as unnessesary because its in the past

[Lilly_420_2003]

Sorry your having nightmares.

My old councelor used to tell me, that nightmares and flashbacks were me telling myself I am strong enough and ready to remember, and then heal. I use to think it was bs and she didn't know what she was talking about. It is hard, it drains you and confuses you but with help of others, things start coming together bit by bit. It becomes not so difficult to talk about, the nightmares come fewer and farther between, and thinking about it only comes every great once in a while. I use to think about it all day and thought I was going crazy, but now I rarely think about it, maybe once every few or more months. Things don't come up unless a name or something is said, but it only lasts for a minute. People saying "get over it" doesn't understand, or else they do, but aren't strong enough or ready to talk about it. Everyone is in different stages of healing. Maybe it hurts your family to think that their little girl/brother/sister etc could have that happen, so instead they don't even want to mention it. Denial seems like a good road to travel (I did for years) but it only supresses things until it comes bursting out and is almost unbarable. Here, we have a victim/witness and a womens refuge, that help out with things like counceling. Also, there is councelors/ therapists that go by a persons income. If you make tons of money, it is like 70 dollars per session, but almost nobody does, for us it was about $5 per session, but for the first 4 years of counceling it was free, paid by victim witness. Maybe it will take some searching around, but you might be able to find something on a sliding scale that could help out with money issues. Don't leave it up to your mom to find it, or you might never get in the door.

Hope everything turns out o.k. for you, if my above post didn't make sence, sorry bout that :-p.