Should I go?

[TigerLily]

So my mother and I really, really don't get on. It's not like typical teenager-parent "I don't like her because she won't let me stay out late" kind of thing, I have really good reasons why I have no intention of having a relationship with her. I'm not sure I really want to go into them now, but basically she has treated me, my sister, my father and my grandparents terribly for years and I don't think I've properly spoken to her in around 2 years of anything other than polite small talk (because I have to) or full-blown arguments. I should mention that my family decided to ask her to leave the house around a 9months - a year ago, a decision I am fully in support of and my life has been considerably better since.
So now the problem. Tomorrow I'm meant to be going over to my nana's house (where she lives). Usually I can manage these things, but atm I'm really not sure if I can deal with it (I dont get on with my nana either). Only I'm not sure whether I can just not go, bc of my sister who I don't want to leave alone there (she gets on with her better than I do, but still not much at all). Plus, its Mothers Day in the UK which makes the whole situation more awkward and I really don't know what to do. I really don't want to go, but I'm not sure if I'm kinda 'obliged' to go (bc of my sister, the fact I have to see her every so often anyways), if that makes sense.
I would probably have to speak to her a little, tho I would probably use my most favourite 'bring a load of h/w, act busy, and only speak when spoken to using short, one word answers' coping technique.
Plus, I'm feeling pretty angry atm, and if I get into another argument with her its just going to make everything worse. I've already been crying because of her this week, I'm really pissed off, and if I had it my way I wouldn't be seeing her at all bc I know going will make me feel worse.
I'm trying to stay positive - once I'm 18 I'll have left home and there is no way she is going to get my address, I'm pretty sure I can cut her out of my life completely then.
Sorry for the long post, I'm not sure it even makes sense... but anyways, I think just ranting about it helped, even if nobody gets it...

[The Joker]

Really, if neither you or your sister get along with them, then you shouldn't go.

It's Mother's day, but Mother's Day should be to celebrate good mothers. If they feel bad about you not coming, then they should have been better mothers.

[TigerLily]

I know, the point is that if we don't go to see her at all, ever, then she'll say "I have a right to see my children" and might start getting all legal about it, go for custody (something we really want to avoid because of the whole 'mothers always win custody' thing)

[Mzor203]

How long are you going to have to be at her house for? If it's not very long, the best thing to do is to go, get it over with, and then move on. Do bring homework, and be busy,as it sounds like that helps. But a custody battle is something you really want to avoid. I've had experience there. And a while the whole 'mothers always win custody' thing may not be 100% true, I can tell you that, it stands its ground most of the time.

[TigerLily]

Hmm, I think I'd probably be like 3-4 hrs, though if it started getting really awkward I could probably get my dad to pick me up earlier.
About the custody thing I know its not 100% true, but it's really not something we want to go through...
Thanks for the help Rex :)

[Skeln]

Yeah, just go and get it over with. Just try to do otherthings instead. I've been in a similar situation, and their was a custody dispute and my mother won. So yeah, I think it wont work out for the best if you don't go.

[byee]

Rachel, whatever is going on with your mum and nana must be pretty severe if your family has basically disowned and abandoned her.........and she went along with it.

So, without those details, I think you can look at it two ways: Either you address the situation in your family that led to these rather extreme terms, or you just put on the best face you can and deal with it (and all those feelings) privately and not show anything.

If you want things to get better, you might need to address this. If you don't, or aren't willing to go thru it, or are afraid of the risks involved, then your expectations should be wound down, including any hope that these visits will be more than obligatory events meant to maintain the (lousy yet acceptable) status quo. In which case, do whatver you need to in order to get thru it as safely and comfortably as possible, under the circumstances.

[TigerLily]

So I went, it was pretty awful, but anyways thanks for all the help :)
Btw, Sam things have been so much better now since its been like this, it might sound crazy but this new lousy status quo was a major improvement than before when I had to live with her. There's really no hope of anything getting sorted out, and I've accepted that, I know I won't have any relationship with her when I'm older (nor do I want to) . Its hard to explain without going into detail, but trust me adressing it would go nowhere, and, relative to before, things aren't so bad now.
Thanks VT :)

[nick]

Not all mum's are good ones. My mum sounds like yours, she cheated on my dad in a really bad way. Its not nice hearing your dad crying in the night when your mum hasnt come home. She walked out a couple of years ago choosing a shit of a man over her own kids and her husband. Other bloke had young kids too. Know how you feel. I wouldnt have gone. All the best.