I cant take it anymore

[Cloud]

Ive been gett ing bullied for aboutt he alst 5 years its been on and off becuase i told someone then it stopped for a wihle then either restarted or a nre person came along. but now its got worse than ever.

heres the problem my old bestmate now hates me he came on hoiday with me once and is spreading lies from them he doesnt know anything about what hes on about he just says it to about me so i get shit. hes spread stuff like i got drunk off water and people believe him he says i had a mental breakdown in the shower. he spreads all this shit about me and ive done nothing to him. and wahts more annoying is that he does it over xbox and if i confront him in school he doesnt have the fucking balls to face me. he'll join the chat with my friends and say the shit about me and i dont want him to know its getting to me so i just pass it off and dont bother fighting with ihm which is what he wants so hes stopped now but the stuff hes said is tearing me apart and i cant take it anymore i can NOT let him kno hes getting to me because he will just carry on. since he stoppped doing it online today he was saying this crap to a guy about me so he was being an arsehole. its really getting to me and i want it to stop how can i do this without him knowing it got to me. I SHOULD ALSO MENTION I HAVE TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT PREVIOUSLY BUT THAT MADE IT WORSE BECAUSE HE HAD MORE STUFF TO USE AGAISNT ME

PLEASE HELP

[Maverick]

What a jerk. How long has he been doing it to you? You are right that acting like its not bothering you can work but he seems to be persistent.

Do you have any friends that can help you? Sometimes if you have friends to back you up and confront him about it it may make him stop.

[Cloud]

last time i burst out crying in my lesson and my friends and my aqauintances all went and said something to him about it. BUT if i do that this time hell know its getting to me and if i tell my friends hell just say i cant fight my own battles and thats more stuff for him to use

[byee]

Hiya Calum!

Listen, there's a real art in telling someone that they need to stop doing something in a sort of authoritarian way that doesn't sound like *whatever* they're saying/doing is getting to you. It's like a reality check for them, you're making an observation about their behavior, and then you're setting a limit, you tell them what they need to do, then you inform them of the consequence for their continuing. The key is that you do it by NOT showing ANY emotion. It's very matter of fact, and it's usually very effective.

So, you might say to this cretin 'You've been saying xxx about me, which we both know isn't true, and you now need to stop. If you don't, I will tell them about the time you xxx on vacation with me', or 'I will call your mother up personally and tell her you are lying about me', or 'I will tell the people in school about this and they will make life very hard for you.' Then, you follow up with a very stern, 'Do you understand what I just told you?"

People say and do these things, Calum, b/c they are weak and insecure and feel the only way to ingratiate themselves with others is by putting people down. However, as you very perceptively noted, they're also cowards, and the best thing to do with a coward is to shine a bright light on their behavior. Nothing works better than a dose of reality especially when it naturally results in a bit of humiliation.

Do this, but remember to keep the feelings out of it.

[Maverick]

But you want it to stop, right? You say you can't take it anymore so you have to do something.

If you want it to stop, he's going to have to be confronted in some kind of fashion. Waiting for him to get bored and stop doesn't seem to be working.

When people are mean to you the best way to handle it is to try and put a stop to it. If you have friends that can help you, take advantage of it. If after the fact he says more, tell your friends again until he gets the picture.

It doesn't matter what this guy will think of you as a result. You have nothing to prove to him. It shouldn't affect you what he may think. There are a lot of idiots on this planet and worrying about what they may think is a waste of time. Because they are going to think whatever they want and there isn't anything you can do about it except not worry about it and move on with your life.

[Cloud]

okay thanks guys i think tomorrow ill get my bestfriend ive had since primary school to back me up cos that will hit somuch harder since nobheads mates weth him.
thanks for the hlep guys ill tell u how it turns out if i do that.

[byee]

Just remember to keep the emotion out of it, Calum. It will be most effective if you're brief, stern and to the point.

[AllThatIsLeft]

Goodluck :)

[Cloud]

sam thats kinda hard for me but ill try my best

[byee]

Change is hard sometimes Calum, but it's also sometimes worth it. Like now.

Good luck, you'll do fine.

[The Batman]

Calum if this keeps up I really think you need to go to someone about it. If someone is getting to you this much then something needs to happen to them. No one deserves this at all. If it persists then go to a teacher or your parents.

[Hyper]

I don't mean to be rude or a jerk, but I'm intruding in and asking this bluntly

Is the only kind of bullying your getting ''online''

[Cloud]

nope its in school to with him spreading rumours and saying stuff to people in school who then come up to me asking whether all these blatent lies are true

[Hyper]

Well unless your being physically hurt

I'm going to have to say

Man up and grow taller than his immaturities

( But that is just my opinion.. I hardly believe confrontation will work [ unless it involves a proper beating ] but people who pick on others with gossip and words love spreading rumors, changing peoples opinions, spreading misinformation and some of them above all else love confrontation from the victim, since the confrontation itself shows that you are somewhat affected )

[Oblivion]

Honestly, I think you should go to a teacher or parent.
It seems like the worst option, that they'll make it a huge deal, and everyone will bed mad at you for being a tattle tale.
But really, they can help.
Besides- anyone willing to stop being your friend because you told a teacher that someone was harassing you really isn't your friend.

[Cloud]

my plan is to go up to him with my mates behind me and tell him to stop saying the crap and warn him if he does it again then ill just tell the year head

[Antares]

Okay, he is not a friend. You need to show him that you wont stand for that shit. You need to take the initiative.
Confront him. Thats what I say. Show him that you are pissed off and youre not scared of him. He may be so scared of you at that point that he will stop.
Say, "If you keep talking about me im gonna beat your ass!" lmao
not literally that but that point.
Idk, thats what i think but it depends on the person and how he acts

[byee]

Calum, remember that the point in confrontation is to bring something to someone's attention and effect a change. It does not mean 'fight'. When you approach him, remember to be calm b/c your emotion will distract him form the message (which is that his behavior needs to stop), and to be calm and clear about the consequence if he doesn't (that you will personally call his mum, or *whatever*, although I think a call to his mum will get the point across). Then end the convo by looking into his eyes and calmly asking/telling him if he understands you. Then walk away. The whole thing should take maybe a minute. For added effect, get a little bit into his personal space, about 5 inches from him.

You are a good, strong perosn, you can do this.

If he's so foolish as to ignore your confrontation, do by all means call his mum, or tell the school people. But, do not lose your cool with him, b/c he will then know he's succeeded in getting to you.

[Beautiful Obsession]

Well maybee tell someone you trst? or maybe a teacher that u can trust? hes been doing this far to long and you shouldnt hav to put up wiv it u've got asmuch right to be happy as evreyone. Just ask him why he's doing it to you? usay u use to be best maytes?? say that to him.. ask wot u've done to make him turn like this. and if it carries on then just do exactly wot hes doin to you. Good luck :D

[Cloud]

okay i didnt do anything today in school but i did tell my mates what hes been done so i think that it will end up with me doing sams idea

[byee]

okay i didnt do anything today in school but i did tell my mates what hes been done so i think that it will end up with me doing sams idea

You are very wise, Calum. I have chosen you well, too.

[Requin]

Oh Calum I'm so sorry that I didn't reply!
I'm rather late now and I don't think that I can improve on Sam's suggestion as...well. :)

All I can offer really is support, he is a *enter rude word here* and you know it, he's not a friend either, which again you know.
So...it's all about courage, your a strong enough person. Don't back out dude! Your better than him and you can deal with this, I'm sure many many people here wish they were over there up in the north of england with you so we could smash this kids face in.

But sadly, that's morally wrong. But I'm sure even Ghandi would of thrown a punch. :) No seriousley, good luck, I and others know that you can do it.

And once again, I'm sorry that I didn't reply earlier.

[thiskidrocks]

Calum go on he is bein a ******* and you can stop it cos you can do lotsa things

[Cloud]

Okay i havew an update for you all.
Today i finally got the courage to go confront him i told him" im not afraid of you so theres no point in threatening me. and stp saying all this stupid shit about me. Now either stop it Now or we stop it there(pointed to school office). Your choice" and then i walked off. And i did it calmy and didnt lose my temper and i didnt end up getting hit in the face. BUT he did go off laughing so if he does it again im gonna show him i wasnt messing around. this may finally stop YAAAAAY

[The Batman]

Great job Calum things will stop as long as you stay strong.

[byee]

Good for you, Calum! His walking away laughing is sure sign it will stop. That's b/c the laughter was a nervous response to you confronting him in a way that he couldn't respond to, he was acknowledging that he has no choice now but to stop. Typically, when your approach doesn't work, the other person says something really condescending and rude.

*High five's calum* I'm really proud of you for doing this and not losing your cool, 'lil buddy.

[ECGBUnni]

great job there.

i had a similar situation going on back in middle school with some girls i thought were my friends. not fun at all. I lost most of my "group" and basically had go go from quite a few friends, to one very close friend that I had stood up for.

It's not easy, and I never had the courage to do what you did. So, from the bottom of my heart, congratulations, and I respect you for your work.

[Cloud]

Thankyou
but monday/next time im on xbox should be the decider whether he gtot he message or not. But if hes so stupid as to do that again then i will follow through with my threat.
now to sort out the people who he has against me but thats another story

[Beautiful Obsession]

Ok well Goodluck Babee:D

[emmaa]

my friend was like bullied , but i couldnt take any moore cus she had the whole school against her and she lied and lied and lied all the time and she becamed a person who no one liked. I was like an angel but one day i had enough and stopped be with her. Now people dont like me cus i couldn take any moore GOD i hate ths world;S

[DarkWingedAngel]

*hugs Calum*

Just stay strong buddy you can do it, just stay strong.

and remember you can always talk to me on msn

[Cloud]

Well that stopped for about a week

got pantsed on monday(disturbing i know) nad the boxers dropped to and cos dickhead saw and no one else did he can say whatever the fuck he wants and people will believe him becuase the only counterargument is from me. Hmm lets see how long it takes for em to get bored of pinnie. After easter if its not stopped they are ALL gonna get bollocked for it

[Requin]

Calum...just beating the crap into them won't help will it?
Uncle Sam will not be happy. Take the high ground...isn't it better to just ignore the fuckers and let it pass?

Is there another way you can resolve it?>

[Cloud]

bythem getting bollockedi dint mean fighting i meant year head. that woulod be worse cos shes fed up ofseeing me in her officecos of it so shed just stop it asap

[Requin]

Ah....that makes more sense. And would please the man from Uncle.

That's the best course to take.

[Beautiful Obsession]

gud luck x