Burning memories

[Skuzzy]

Idk where this would go.

I remember what people said about me years after it happened. Cruel things said, not always directed at me but I could still hear. For years it's been cruel burned into my mind unable to get it out. Not always from kids, by from adults. I will not go into detail, no swears. Foryears the memories have tormented me causing me to cry, I hear laughter in my head, because of people who thought I couldn't hear and kids who were jerks. How do I release the beast...it's a time bomb...I feel like I'm going to explode.
Help me...

[Atonement]

This is the appropriate place. But if you want some help, hun, you need to open up a bit more. What's been happening? What happened that made them talk? Just let us know. Help us so we can help you :D Sounds cliche, but really, go for it. Please send me a PM if you don't want to say it on the thread. :daisy:

[Skuzzy]

Ok here's an example from about 3 years ago.
At a mlitary camp were in locker room when someone points at me and says look at that tiny dick!!! I've developed know but it still hurts...it's made me differant...in a worse way

[Atonement]

So can you identify the problem? Paranoia, depression, what? And give me more examplesif you would.

[Skuzzy]

There things that lower my self esteem and make me feel like a failure.
One from 2 years ago at a photoshoot I hear the cameraman looking at the computer and say he looks the same in all of them and in all of them he looks like he's 5. This one hurt me the most. Especcialy coming from an adult. It's making me cry just thinking about it. I don't know what It is but it makes me feel terrible and just...sad.

[Atonement]

From what I am finding, this is just low self esteem like you said. Both examples have been body image problems and I think you need to find ways to make yourself feel good.

This is going to sound crazy, but its a shot worth trying. Its called self lifting motivation. Thats what I heard its called at least. Everyday as you start your day, before or after you get out of your shower, lets say. Say in the mirror to yourself something positive and good about yourself. The trick is you have to believe it. No matter what the compliment is, it matters and should help raise your self esteem. Maybe start with little things about maybe how you like your hair, or how you think an outfit looks really good today, and work to bigger things like "I'm a good person, good friend, and faithful relationship." :D Hope all goes well.

[Skuzzy]

Thank you