I fake happiness...please help

[chelsay13]

I have ALWAYS been the talkitive, fun, happy girl in my grade. But For weeks I was so depressed and sad that I would worry my loved ones and class mates. I even had 3 sessions with my friends, teachers, and guidance councilor talking about how I need to stop cutting and be happier. So of course, I hate hurting people, I fake being happy. Everyday my teachers, parents, friends, and peers ask if I'm ok. I put a smile on and tell them I'm doing great. I know I lie...but I can't stand hurting anyone anymore. I can't stand seeing the worry in their eyes. I am getting sadder and more depressed when I push myself to be so happy. I've fooled EVERYONE. They all think i'm better, happier. But I'm not. I am worse, and I now think of Suicide. I don't know what to do. The more I fake the sadder I get. But I can't stand to hurt anyone anymore...what do I do?

Also, I can't stop thinking about Suicide, and I'm too scared to tell my therapist. She already thinks I have Dysthymia, a type of depression. I don't want to be on meds and my mom doesn't believe that I'm depressed. Even when I was sad all the time. My teacher told us about how he tried to commit suicide and had to go to a special hospital to get better, I don't wanna go to a hospital...What do i do about that?

[Viral Death]

Sounds like clinical but I would see a doctor and probaly be put on antidepressents. I think that you need to be yourself and when they sit down and talk with you, you need to tell them they dont understand and then explain to them. Also why are you depressed? Is it people, family, death of loved ones?

[chelsay13]

I'm not even sure. I feel low...and I don't feel like its worth living anymore.

[Viral Death]

Its ok I think you should see a doctor though it would be wise.

P.S. I am really depressed also because of people so you can talk to me when ever you need to

MSN: [email protected]
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[chelsay13]

I'm a bit afraid to tell her..

[byee]

Chelsea, you're thinking too much about all this. If you have a therapist, use her to the fullest by sharing in detail exactly what's on your mind and what you're feeling. Do not hesitate b/c of a fear of what she *might* do. She's a trained professional, and she has your best interests at heart. She will work with you to develop a plan that she believes is best for you based on science, that will make you feel better and at least make these awful urges more manageable, if not make them go away entirely. But, she can't do that, address what she doesn't know about, so it's your responsibility to tell her. Take control of your treatment here by telling her everything and discussing it fully with her.

[Viral Death]

Well is there a well trusted teacher at your school you should talk to him/her and just explain what is going on or just like IAMSAM said see a therapist