ShatteredWings
March 14th, 2009, 03:45 PM
Note. this might be a little graphic. Has not gone through any editing.
EDIT: It's very much so fiction.
She spent her days wondering “why”. “Why me? Why not them?” She spent hours, every day, waiting for death. Or at least a better life.Life is a lie for the girl, for she cannot be herself without being killed by herself. Others say she should’ve just been normal, but she knew it was impossiable to live a normal life when you have to hide in the shadows so they don’t get you. Her name was Sarah. Her story is short, but it begins now
~~~
Sarah was always a little odd. When average seven year old girls played mommie and popstar, she either played with the boys, or sat alone near the wall reading a book. The quiet little tonboy had a secrete. She heard voices. One was a nice person who always said that she should do the “right thing”. The other one was a mean voice. She thought it was the devil because it said mean things to her and it was the one who told her to say hurtful things to people. For many years she ignored the devil voice, and only listend to the good one. She named the good one Glenda, and decided to call the bad one Tony.
A few years later, when she was ten, ‘Tony’ became very real in Sarah’s life. He became overpowering to Glenda at times, and started to tell her to do worse things, like lie and he would say things like that she’s ugly, and her friends are horrible, and nobody can do anything right. He started saying that when Sarah did anything ‘wrong’, that he would hurt Glenda. Glenda was being tied up and gagged. Sarah honestly believed that this was happening. Tony also began to tell Sarah that she had to go to certain rooms, and talk to certain people, and do certain things every single day. Sarah was only ten. She didn’t know that all of this was wrong, because Tony and Glenda had been there all her memorable life.
Somehow, nobody noticed her one-sided arguments, and odd behavour. As she was a “loner”, people decided she was just being ‘odd’. In less than a year since Tony began threatening, Sarah turned to self-harm to keep some of her feelings under control. The blond-haired, blue-eyed, intelligent child had become someone that she no longer recognized.
~~~
No one knew of her struggle. She was good at hiding it. At first, she only bit her hands and wrists. Bitemarks never lasted on her for more than a few hours normally, and she most often bit at night so she could go to sleep more easily. For the occasional bite that didn’t fade, or if she did it in the morning, she had temporary tattoos which she would cover the bruses with.
Eventually, Tony’s threats became too realistic to her, and she felt the need to rid herself of Tony, even if it killed what was left of Glenda. Sarah ‘knew’ that Tony lived in her blood, so she thought that maybe she could “bleed” him out. In history, she was studying the Medieval time period, and knew that people used to be used to make people ‘well’ by cutting them and hoping that they were sick because they had too much blood. She forgot that it has been proven in modern times that bleeding someone made them sicker not better. Or maybe she ignored it. But however she thought of it, she started trying to get rid of Tony.
Bloodletting didn’t work. It killed Glenda more, but it made Tony stronger. At that point though, Sarah didn’t care. She was grieving the loss of her angel, and this made her feel a little better. Tony began to tell her things like “you should be dead.” and “only lil girls are ever afraid.” His taunts became louder and louder, until she couldn’t ignore them long enough to do any studying, or pretend to be OK, and her fasacade finally broke.
Sarah tried to kill herself. She was only thirteen.
She overdosed on everything she could find. Tony always told her that meds were bad, so she thought that maybe they would kill him – that maybe demons were weaker than they seemed. Sarah took all the tablets she could find that she knew wouldn’t make her throw up, and then drank a bottle of cold medicine. Before she fell asleep, she wrote a very short note that read “I’m sorry mom, the nice person i knew died, and the mean one took over. this is how i can kill him and i love you mom. sarah.”
~~~
When she woke up she thought she was in Heaven. She saw Glenda. The nurse in the room was exactly how Glenda was supposed to have looked. She was tall, thin, had long black curly hair, and very bright green eyes. The lady’s voice was even the same as how she remembered Glenda speaking. After Sarah noticed the IV in her arm, she realized what she had done the previous night, and started crying. She remembered everything. Tony, the drugs, her note. She cried for the first time in over two years.
The nurse, who’s name was Brenda, quickly became Sarah’s only lifeline. Sarah would only tell Brenda what was happening in her head, and what Tony did to her. Her new guardian and therapist was the only person who knew why Sarah did what she did. Maybe it was because she seemed like her childhood angel that let her open up. No matter why it worked, it extended her life another year.
Sadly, Brenda was not able to help rid Sarah of Tony. All the help she could humanly give, and all the medications that she could prescribe, didn’t do anything to make Tony disappear. He had been living in Sarah’s brain for at least eight years, so maybe it was simply a hopeless thought to think she could. Still, Sarah’s last year of her life was probably more tolerable until her very last days than it would have been if she was alone.
Since she was considered ‘unstable’, Sarah was not permitted to go to highschool with her peergroup. Instead, she was sent to an alternative program which had more mental health than it did education. Of course, Sarah more than excelled in her studies. Still, she often had days and weeks where she felt attacked. And, even with all the supervision, she was still cutting. Nothing had worked to help heal her mind.
***
Her very last day was a nightmare. Tony had taken control of her body as well as mind. He said she had no choice but to do what he said. He told her to take a kitchen knife and cut her neck open He said he was going to kill her and make it seem like a suicide. Sarah didn’t want to do this, and she tried to fight. But very soon she lost her final grip on her life. Brenda walked into the room as Sarah was doing the bidding of Tony. Brenda heard her very last words “I love you Glenda, but I’m sorry Tony took over my body and nothing will ever be able to stop this. I don’t want to die.”
Sarah died five minutes later
She turned 14 yesterday
Aurthor's Note
Sarah was a part of me as I was a part of Brenda. Tony and Glenda were as real as the text you’re reading. Sarah’s last wish, which she never had the chance to voice, was that she wanted her story to be recorded.
I was her Guardian, and I never died.
GLENDA
EDIT: It's very much so fiction.
She spent her days wondering “why”. “Why me? Why not them?” She spent hours, every day, waiting for death. Or at least a better life.Life is a lie for the girl, for she cannot be herself without being killed by herself. Others say she should’ve just been normal, but she knew it was impossiable to live a normal life when you have to hide in the shadows so they don’t get you. Her name was Sarah. Her story is short, but it begins now
~~~
Sarah was always a little odd. When average seven year old girls played mommie and popstar, she either played with the boys, or sat alone near the wall reading a book. The quiet little tonboy had a secrete. She heard voices. One was a nice person who always said that she should do the “right thing”. The other one was a mean voice. She thought it was the devil because it said mean things to her and it was the one who told her to say hurtful things to people. For many years she ignored the devil voice, and only listend to the good one. She named the good one Glenda, and decided to call the bad one Tony.
A few years later, when she was ten, ‘Tony’ became very real in Sarah’s life. He became overpowering to Glenda at times, and started to tell her to do worse things, like lie and he would say things like that she’s ugly, and her friends are horrible, and nobody can do anything right. He started saying that when Sarah did anything ‘wrong’, that he would hurt Glenda. Glenda was being tied up and gagged. Sarah honestly believed that this was happening. Tony also began to tell Sarah that she had to go to certain rooms, and talk to certain people, and do certain things every single day. Sarah was only ten. She didn’t know that all of this was wrong, because Tony and Glenda had been there all her memorable life.
Somehow, nobody noticed her one-sided arguments, and odd behavour. As she was a “loner”, people decided she was just being ‘odd’. In less than a year since Tony began threatening, Sarah turned to self-harm to keep some of her feelings under control. The blond-haired, blue-eyed, intelligent child had become someone that she no longer recognized.
~~~
No one knew of her struggle. She was good at hiding it. At first, she only bit her hands and wrists. Bitemarks never lasted on her for more than a few hours normally, and she most often bit at night so she could go to sleep more easily. For the occasional bite that didn’t fade, or if she did it in the morning, she had temporary tattoos which she would cover the bruses with.
Eventually, Tony’s threats became too realistic to her, and she felt the need to rid herself of Tony, even if it killed what was left of Glenda. Sarah ‘knew’ that Tony lived in her blood, so she thought that maybe she could “bleed” him out. In history, she was studying the Medieval time period, and knew that people used to be used to make people ‘well’ by cutting them and hoping that they were sick because they had too much blood. She forgot that it has been proven in modern times that bleeding someone made them sicker not better. Or maybe she ignored it. But however she thought of it, she started trying to get rid of Tony.
Bloodletting didn’t work. It killed Glenda more, but it made Tony stronger. At that point though, Sarah didn’t care. She was grieving the loss of her angel, and this made her feel a little better. Tony began to tell her things like “you should be dead.” and “only lil girls are ever afraid.” His taunts became louder and louder, until she couldn’t ignore them long enough to do any studying, or pretend to be OK, and her fasacade finally broke.
Sarah tried to kill herself. She was only thirteen.
She overdosed on everything she could find. Tony always told her that meds were bad, so she thought that maybe they would kill him – that maybe demons were weaker than they seemed. Sarah took all the tablets she could find that she knew wouldn’t make her throw up, and then drank a bottle of cold medicine. Before she fell asleep, she wrote a very short note that read “I’m sorry mom, the nice person i knew died, and the mean one took over. this is how i can kill him and i love you mom. sarah.”
~~~
When she woke up she thought she was in Heaven. She saw Glenda. The nurse in the room was exactly how Glenda was supposed to have looked. She was tall, thin, had long black curly hair, and very bright green eyes. The lady’s voice was even the same as how she remembered Glenda speaking. After Sarah noticed the IV in her arm, she realized what she had done the previous night, and started crying. She remembered everything. Tony, the drugs, her note. She cried for the first time in over two years.
The nurse, who’s name was Brenda, quickly became Sarah’s only lifeline. Sarah would only tell Brenda what was happening in her head, and what Tony did to her. Her new guardian and therapist was the only person who knew why Sarah did what she did. Maybe it was because she seemed like her childhood angel that let her open up. No matter why it worked, it extended her life another year.
Sadly, Brenda was not able to help rid Sarah of Tony. All the help she could humanly give, and all the medications that she could prescribe, didn’t do anything to make Tony disappear. He had been living in Sarah’s brain for at least eight years, so maybe it was simply a hopeless thought to think she could. Still, Sarah’s last year of her life was probably more tolerable until her very last days than it would have been if she was alone.
Since she was considered ‘unstable’, Sarah was not permitted to go to highschool with her peergroup. Instead, she was sent to an alternative program which had more mental health than it did education. Of course, Sarah more than excelled in her studies. Still, she often had days and weeks where she felt attacked. And, even with all the supervision, she was still cutting. Nothing had worked to help heal her mind.
***
Her very last day was a nightmare. Tony had taken control of her body as well as mind. He said she had no choice but to do what he said. He told her to take a kitchen knife and cut her neck open He said he was going to kill her and make it seem like a suicide. Sarah didn’t want to do this, and she tried to fight. But very soon she lost her final grip on her life. Brenda walked into the room as Sarah was doing the bidding of Tony. Brenda heard her very last words “I love you Glenda, but I’m sorry Tony took over my body and nothing will ever be able to stop this. I don’t want to die.”
Sarah died five minutes later
She turned 14 yesterday
Aurthor's Note
Sarah was a part of me as I was a part of Brenda. Tony and Glenda were as real as the text you’re reading. Sarah’s last wish, which she never had the chance to voice, was that she wanted her story to be recorded.
I was her Guardian, and I never died.
GLENDA