nachtspiegel
March 12th, 2009, 11:35 PM
Okay, so, I have a relationship dilemma. I have been single since July, and I haven't been in any kind of remotely serious affair since August of '07. I used to put so much of myself into pointless relationships, and I got tired of compromising my independence and my efforts to try to make something work that just wasn't going to. I have now developed into a hard to get, hard to hold onto, independent and headstrong kind of person.
Anyway, in August of '07, things fell apart between one of my exs and I. It was the third time we dated, and even though I had some strong feelings, that relationship was both off and on and very wish washy. I've known her since '02, but we didn't get involved for the first time until the summer of '06, when I was either thirteen or had just turned fourteen. I had just come out another emotional affair of sorts, and I came back into contact with her. We didn't get to spend much time together, which led to the off and on cycles, although the entire time (meaning that whole year and two or so months,) I had stronger feelings for someone else even though the prospects of a relationship with that person wouldn't have worked out.
In August of '07, we (meaning the ex I wrote about) and I broke up for the same reason as always: we could never see each other, and quite frankly, I was ready for it, because I was tired of the childish games. At the beginning of '08, she started trying to work her way back into my life, but I was falling for someone else, and I had already moved on. I told her that I loved her at one point, because I honestly thought I did, but I soon came to my senses when I realized that I was over the relationship just a day after the break up. Although I wasn't going to try to get with the person that I was falling for, I still devoted myself to them. (It was during that time period that I learned how bad it hurts to sleep next to someone every night knowing that you can't be with them the way you want to be.)
In April of '08, I met a new girl via MySpace. We live in the same neighborhood, and after talking on MySpace and through Yahoo for a while, we realized that we have a lot in common. In early to mid May, I was sent away for attempting suicide, and when I got out of the placement, things progressed as they had been. We met up in early June of '08 and we were in that in-between period of not being just friends, but not being on an offical relationship status, either. Unfortunately, I caught wind of some things that she didn't tell me, I took her holding back a little too personally, and we had a falling out. We didn't speak again for two months.
Now, let's rewind back to the ex from '07. I dated a girl briefly (for two days to be exact) in July of '08, and my ex found out, called my house, and spent 45 minutes screaming at me. For more than a year, she has been telling me how much she still "loves me" and wants to be with me. I have tried several times to get her to see that I am fine with being friends, but that I don't feel that we should be in a relationship again. I honestly regret dating her, because if I hadn't been holding myself back from other things in hopes of a real thing with her, I could've had better experiences, and I wouldn't be kicking myself in the ass right now for not doing certain things while I had the chance, but that's beside the point...
That same ex has a few of my family members convinced that I did her wrong. She doesn't think about the fact that she is the one that broke off the relationship, and while trying to criticize me for dating other people, she does it. I don't care, because, quite frankly, I'm ready for new experiences in my life. The few times that I've been frank with her about my thoughts and feelings, she's pulled threats of suicide to make me feel guilty. I'm not sure how to handle the situation, but some days, I feel like breaking all ties with her.
Lately, I've been getting more deeply involved with the girl that I was going to date last summer, but fell out with. We moved past that, and we're really good friends. We're both going through a lot in our lives, and we both confide in each other and are really good friends. We saw each other today for the first time in several months, and we ended up spending three hours walking around in the cold down by the river. Afterward, while talking on instant messenger, she admitted to me that while we were lounging around on a picnic table, she wanted to kiss me. I admitted to her that I still had feelings for her, and that the entire time we were walking down by the river, I was hoping her hand would slip out of her pocket so that I could take hold of it. She was up front about the fact that, while she does care about me and has feelings for me, she is still talking to one of her exs. I admitted to her that I value our friendship over all else, and that I'm still trying to get my life together. She also just got out of a relationship that was fairly serious... it lasted a few months, and ended with him cheating and her telling him to go on somewhere. Considering the circumstances, I don't want to rush out of the fear of being a rebound.
To add another twist to the story, my sister doesn't like this girl, at all. She never gave a reason why. She started dogging her after seeing a picture of her in short shorts on MySpace, which is one of the stupidest reasons I can think of. In all honesty, she finds ways to dog anyone that any of her friends or family members gets involved with, but she never really justifies the way she talks about people or reacts to things she isn't completely cool with. While I'm completely content with just being her friend, I know that if I have a second chance at dating her, I would want to take it. I fear two things: getting played to the left and getting involved and getting hurt. I've tried blocking myself off because I'm tired of getting hurt. To add another point, she is the same way now that I used to be, meaning that she gets bored with relationships easily. I do want to date her to see where this could go, but I'm not sure where to go from here.
In addition, I'm afraid that if my ex starts drama and my sister gets involved and causes problems, it could mess up both the relationship and the friendship. I don't care what my sister thinks, but I don't want to lose this girl over this. She's the first one that I've come across in a while that I feel would do me right. She's like a diamond in the rough and I really care for her. Frankly, I just need some advice, and, as always, this is where I come.
I'm sorry that this is so long, but I wanted to give all of the details.
This is the first time I've wanted to give up my independence and let someone in.
If you can find your way through this mess and add input, I'd greatly appreciate it.
Anyway, in August of '07, things fell apart between one of my exs and I. It was the third time we dated, and even though I had some strong feelings, that relationship was both off and on and very wish washy. I've known her since '02, but we didn't get involved for the first time until the summer of '06, when I was either thirteen or had just turned fourteen. I had just come out another emotional affair of sorts, and I came back into contact with her. We didn't get to spend much time together, which led to the off and on cycles, although the entire time (meaning that whole year and two or so months,) I had stronger feelings for someone else even though the prospects of a relationship with that person wouldn't have worked out.
In August of '07, we (meaning the ex I wrote about) and I broke up for the same reason as always: we could never see each other, and quite frankly, I was ready for it, because I was tired of the childish games. At the beginning of '08, she started trying to work her way back into my life, but I was falling for someone else, and I had already moved on. I told her that I loved her at one point, because I honestly thought I did, but I soon came to my senses when I realized that I was over the relationship just a day after the break up. Although I wasn't going to try to get with the person that I was falling for, I still devoted myself to them. (It was during that time period that I learned how bad it hurts to sleep next to someone every night knowing that you can't be with them the way you want to be.)
In April of '08, I met a new girl via MySpace. We live in the same neighborhood, and after talking on MySpace and through Yahoo for a while, we realized that we have a lot in common. In early to mid May, I was sent away for attempting suicide, and when I got out of the placement, things progressed as they had been. We met up in early June of '08 and we were in that in-between period of not being just friends, but not being on an offical relationship status, either. Unfortunately, I caught wind of some things that she didn't tell me, I took her holding back a little too personally, and we had a falling out. We didn't speak again for two months.
Now, let's rewind back to the ex from '07. I dated a girl briefly (for two days to be exact) in July of '08, and my ex found out, called my house, and spent 45 minutes screaming at me. For more than a year, she has been telling me how much she still "loves me" and wants to be with me. I have tried several times to get her to see that I am fine with being friends, but that I don't feel that we should be in a relationship again. I honestly regret dating her, because if I hadn't been holding myself back from other things in hopes of a real thing with her, I could've had better experiences, and I wouldn't be kicking myself in the ass right now for not doing certain things while I had the chance, but that's beside the point...
That same ex has a few of my family members convinced that I did her wrong. She doesn't think about the fact that she is the one that broke off the relationship, and while trying to criticize me for dating other people, she does it. I don't care, because, quite frankly, I'm ready for new experiences in my life. The few times that I've been frank with her about my thoughts and feelings, she's pulled threats of suicide to make me feel guilty. I'm not sure how to handle the situation, but some days, I feel like breaking all ties with her.
Lately, I've been getting more deeply involved with the girl that I was going to date last summer, but fell out with. We moved past that, and we're really good friends. We're both going through a lot in our lives, and we both confide in each other and are really good friends. We saw each other today for the first time in several months, and we ended up spending three hours walking around in the cold down by the river. Afterward, while talking on instant messenger, she admitted to me that while we were lounging around on a picnic table, she wanted to kiss me. I admitted to her that I still had feelings for her, and that the entire time we were walking down by the river, I was hoping her hand would slip out of her pocket so that I could take hold of it. She was up front about the fact that, while she does care about me and has feelings for me, she is still talking to one of her exs. I admitted to her that I value our friendship over all else, and that I'm still trying to get my life together. She also just got out of a relationship that was fairly serious... it lasted a few months, and ended with him cheating and her telling him to go on somewhere. Considering the circumstances, I don't want to rush out of the fear of being a rebound.
To add another twist to the story, my sister doesn't like this girl, at all. She never gave a reason why. She started dogging her after seeing a picture of her in short shorts on MySpace, which is one of the stupidest reasons I can think of. In all honesty, she finds ways to dog anyone that any of her friends or family members gets involved with, but she never really justifies the way she talks about people or reacts to things she isn't completely cool with. While I'm completely content with just being her friend, I know that if I have a second chance at dating her, I would want to take it. I fear two things: getting played to the left and getting involved and getting hurt. I've tried blocking myself off because I'm tired of getting hurt. To add another point, she is the same way now that I used to be, meaning that she gets bored with relationships easily. I do want to date her to see where this could go, but I'm not sure where to go from here.
In addition, I'm afraid that if my ex starts drama and my sister gets involved and causes problems, it could mess up both the relationship and the friendship. I don't care what my sister thinks, but I don't want to lose this girl over this. She's the first one that I've come across in a while that I feel would do me right. She's like a diamond in the rough and I really care for her. Frankly, I just need some advice, and, as always, this is where I come.
I'm sorry that this is so long, but I wanted to give all of the details.
This is the first time I've wanted to give up my independence and let someone in.
If you can find your way through this mess and add input, I'd greatly appreciate it.