Not sure what to do

[Citizen Erased]

First time posting here, so hello :D

Um...Where to start. (First of all, for the past 3 years and probably longer, I've noticed I've been attracted to girls possibly just as much as I am to guys. So I'm beginning to become quite sure I'm bisexual and definitely bi-curious :))

Well, I have a best friend, we're really close. We joke around all the time about dating, and things like that, and I am actually starting to believe she's bisexual. I mean, she jokes around (as do I) about being bisexual, so that's why I'm not completely sure, but I was talking to her on MSN and it was a three way conversation with me, her and my cousin. Randomly, she said 'I honestly think I might be bisexual' but then my cousin started talking about something else, so I couldn't talk about it and don't really want to bring it up in conversation now.

She jokes around all the time saying 'I love you' in Spanish, but I'm beginning to think it might be a joke with a hidden meaning. I don't know though. She also says she's bisexual a lot at school, but, again, I'm not sure if it's a joke, because we do joke around a lot.

I mean, I've never actually felt this strong an attraction anyone before, and I know, you might be thinking 'you're close friends, it's natural etc' well, I have 3 friends that are just as close, and don't feel attracted to them in any way.

I think what I'm trying to ask is

1) How can I find out whether she's bisexual?

2) Should I tell her I think I'm bisexual too? (I trust her with my life, so I wouldn't have a problem with it myself)

3) Has anyone else experienced anything like this? If so, what were the outcomes?

4) If I should tell her I think I'm bisexual, how should I go about it?

Also, what order? As in, tell her I think I'm bisexual, then ask her if she is, or the other way round?

My friend is also very pro gay, pro bi, everything like that, and is completely supportive of them. So telling her won't be much of a problem :)
Thanks :)

[Mzor203]

First of all, I have to commend you on your awesome username. I'm going to have to assume you're a Muse fan. ;)

Now, I'll answer the questions as you laid them out:

1) How can I find out whether she's bisexual?

The only way you can find out if she is bisexual for sure is to ask her, or if she tells you honestly one day. You can only make so good of a judgement based on what you can observe, and while it seems in this case that there is a good chance she is, there always is that chance as well that she's joking around.

2) Should I tell her I think I'm bisexual too? (I trust her with my life, so I wouldn't have a problem with it myself)

This was actually what I was thinking. If you come out to her as bisexual, that is paving the way for her to come out as bisexual as well, and would also be the perfect moment for her to do that. She would probably find it more comfortable after you came out about it, and if she's trustworthy and a good friend, there's no problems with you coming out about it in the first place. So my advice would be go for it, but don't do anything that might be uncomfortable.

3) Has anyone else experienced anything like this? If so, what were the outcomes?

I on't have any experience like this, so I can't unfortunately answer this question. If she is very pro-gay either way, it certainly won't have a bad outcome, so I don't think there's anything much to worry about here unless your school has a bad tolerance to gays.

4) If I should tell her I think I'm bisexual, how should I go about it?

Well, it's kind of hard to give a specific way in which you should do it, but you have two options. MSN, or real life. The advantage to MSN is that there aren't a ton of distractions for her if you two are in your own conversation with no one else, so the words will be right there, and she'll be constantly seeing them. Plus, you might be more comfortable. The downside is, your voice won't be there to express how much you mean it, and the fact that you said it on MSN instead of in real life might make her think that you're as incredibly confident about it as you are. Now, in real life, she could get distracted at any time, but if you take her somewhere quiet, and tell her that you are bisexual, and put meaning into your words, she'll see that you're serious, and if she seesthat, is more likely to come out at the same time as you. So it's really up to you, depending on your comfort level, etc.

5) Also, what order? As in, tell her I think I'm bisexual, then ask her if she is, or the other way round?

As I've said, I think you coming out first, if you're comfortable with that, is a good first step, because she may never come out to you otherwise, and if she's a good friend, nothing bad should come of it.

Hope I helped, and welcome to VT by the way. :)

[Citizen Erased]

4) If I should tell her I think I'm bisexual, how should I go about it?

Well, it's kind of hard to give a specific way in which you should do it, but you have two options. MSN, or real life. The advantage to MSN is that there aren't a ton of distractions for her if you two are in your own conversation with no one else, so the words will be right there, and she'll be constantly seeing them. Plus, you might be more comfortable. The downside is, your voice won't be there to express how much you mean it, and the fact that you said it on MSN instead of in real life might make her think that you're as incredibly confident about it as you are. Now, in real life, she could get distracted at any time, but if you take her somewhere quiet, and tell her that you are bisexual, and put meaning into your words, she'll see that you're serious, and if she seesthat, is more likely to come out at the same time as you. So it's really up to you, depending on your comfort level, etc.

5) Also, what order? As in, tell her I think I'm bisexual, then ask her if she is, or the other way round?

As I've said, I think you coming out first, if you're comfortable with that, is a good first step, because she may never come out to you otherwise, and if she's a good friend, nothing bad should come of it.

Hope I helped, and welcome to VT by the way. :)

Thank you, yes I am a Muse fan :D

Should I bring up what she said a on MSN a few days ago? The 'I honestly think I'm bisexual'? Because I think if I mentioned that, she'd see what made me consider telling her.

Would something along the lines of 'Hey, you know you said on MSN you thought you were bisexual? Were you being serious? Because I think I may be too' be a good way to go about it?

[Mzor203]

That is a way to go about it, and certainly not a bad way in any case. The only concern I would have about that is the fact that, by asking her that directly, she'll feel forced to answer the question, and if she isn't totally sure about her sexuality, and isn't as ready to tell people as she thought, she might say something different than otherwise. The idea here is to give her an environment where she feels comfortable coming out, but doesn't feel as if she is being pushed to. However, she has said it before, so chances are she will come out given that push.

The other way to go about it would be to tell her that you're bi first, in which case she'll probably have a thing or two to say about that. If she doesn't say that she is, then you could bring up the thing on MSN. Kind of gives you a 'last resort'.

Overall, just make sure you're not too pushy about it. Again, good luck to you. :)

[Citizen Erased]

That is a way to go about it, and certainly not a bad way in any case. The only concern I would have about that is the fact that, by asking her that directly, she'll feel forced to answer the question, and if she isn't totally sure about her sexuality, and isn't as ready to tell people as she thought, she might say something different than otherwise. The idea here is to give her an environment where she feels comfortable coming out, but doesn't feel as if she is being pushed to. However, she has said it before, so chances are she will come out given that push.

The other way to go about it would be to tell her that you're bi first, in which case she'll probably have a thing or two to say about that. If she doesn't say that she is, then you could bring up the thing on MSN. Kind of gives you a 'last resort'.

Overall, just make sure you're not too pushy about it. Again, good luck to you. :)

Thanks :D

I just thought, because she brought it up first on MSN (this is what has prompted me to want to come out to her) she might not know why I'm coming out to her after she said something about it to me first on MSN. Is there anyway to mention the thing she said on MSN so she'll know what made me consider telling her?

[Mzor203]

It's kind of hard to mention the thing on MSN without making her feel like she explains it, so I still think just coming out to her first without mentioning that, and then mentioning the MSN thing after is a good idea. Then, even if she does tell you she's bi without you mentioning MSN, you could just say, "Yeah, I got thinking the other day when you mentioned you thought you were bi on MSN."

There isn't exactly an urgent need to mention MSN, really, as long as things work out.

[Citizen Erased]

Alright, thanks :D You've helped loads (:

[Ladysman]

I'm not sure if I'm bi but def bicourios so I would just ask her if she is and then if you trust her that much just tell her it can't hurt ya know ;)