Bottling it all up inside..

[Never_Forget]

For the past.. maybe a year now, I've been bottling everything up inside me..
When people I call "friends" tease me, I put on a smile and laugh along.
But like a pressurised bottle, it's all trying to find a way out, but I don't want it to be there anymore...
I keep having thoughts that I can't stop, thoughts that aren't my own, thoughts that I don't want there.
And the hate is all there again... The hate for everything... the hate for everyone... the hate for myself... the hate that I can do nothing...
I don't want to feel any more...
I don't want to face the next day..
I don't want to be here but at the same time I do..

I don't want these emotions anymore, I don't want them any more than I want herpes...

I don't want to die..
But I don't want to live this waking nighmare..

I want to slip away, into the star spangled sky of my perfect reality,
Where all the pain and sorrow can just disappear,
Where I can smile a smile that isn't empty,
Where the glass is half full, and not half empty.
Where the :( smiley is nonexistent.

The shell isn't strong as it used to be,
it's all building up inside,
a time bomb,
and when it goes off I don't know what I'll do..

Just let them all die..
Let them all feel what I do..
Let me see them break..



Please.. I don't know what to do... ;_;

Edit.....
Attached...
How I feel right now....

[Mzor203]

Where to start....

First of all, you need to deal with your friends. You can do this either by talking to them, or getting new friends. Have you ever expressed to them before that you don't appreciate the teasing? That it hurts you? Because that can sometimes be more effective than you think. If they won't listen, well, they aren't really friends, are they? There are always more fish in the sea, you just need to find them.

Secondly, do you have anyone to go to to talk about what you're feeling? How is your relationship with your parents? Sometimes, just having someone who you can just let it out to, and talk to can be a huge help. Sometimes a life-saver. You need to find someone to help you through this and toreassure you that things are going to be okay. That's important.

I don't know about your situation, but do you have any type of mental illnesses, disorders, etc. that you currently know about or are getting treated for? Because there feelings of hate, sadness, etc. could be stemming from a different source than you think they are.

I just want a little more information on what you think the problem is here, and I might be able to help out a bit more. I'm just kind of confused at the moment because I don't know your situation.

[lamboman43]

I know kind of how you feel. All those "friends" you thought were friends until they start being assholes. I know that feeling of "exploding". But thats why you come here. We always try to be nice to everyone on VT. Thats why I like it here. You can talk about this and not get critizied on here.
Here's hoping you have better days to come!!!:D:D:D:D Smily faces always make me feel better so maybe it will work on you too.:D:D:D:D:D:)

[Never_Forget]

Pseudonym: I've always had a problem with talking.. I just can't talk about how I feel or anything... To talk to them would probably upset me more than I am now..
As far as I'm aware, I have no mental disorders.. although you could say I'm slightly addled...

Iamboman43: Yeah that's exactly whats happening.......
Also, your smiley faces did make me smile, thank-you :)

[Mzor203]

You say talking would make you feel worse, yet you're afraid of what happens when the emotions get bottled up too much and explode out of you. That's a touch predicament, because there's not many other options.

What you need to do is to find some way to release your emotions. Go find something to punch if you have to, or if that isn't your thing, do something that calms you down. Whatever you can to get rid of the emotions. The problem is, that's only a short term fix, you'll still need to find thhe bigger solution at some point.

Is it only your friends that are bothering you? Or is there other stuff going on? Because as I said last post, you can fix your problems with your friends if you want to badly enough.

[Never_Forget]

Just... everything in my life seems to be so messed up... I just want to scream, and just destroy everything around me, because I hate it all so much, I want everything gone, so I can finally sleep with a smile on my face..

And thank-you for taking the time to reply.. It makes me feel a lot better to know somebody out there cares.

[Mzor203]

There are people who care out there, even if it isn't apparent to you at first.

I'm not too sure what can be done, exactly. Obviously you have a lot of bottled up anger, and somehow you've got to get rid of that. Something you might want to think about is seeing a psychiatrist, as this is the type of thing that they are trained to deal with. Not saying that there is anything wrong with you, exactly, but you may find that therapy helps you a lot. It's really the best option if you can't see another way right now.

[lamboman43]

I kind of go to a psychiatrist. They are better than they seem to be. You can always talk to them and they always listen. And there really are always people who care, like me. I dont want people to be sad and angry all the time. So here's some more smilies.:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[Never_Forget]

Ugh... I don't even know where I'd look for a psychiatrist...

[Mzor203]

A good place to start would be going to a doctor. If you could get someone to take you, they could definitely refer you to someone.

[OnlyByTheNight.]

If you are one of those people who dont talk about their feelings you could write it all down. You should feel alot better after and you can just tear it up after. It helps, trust me!

[Wayvrn]

Nice song...hehe jokes but its kinda layed out like lyrics :P

Anyways, I know how You feel, My Friends usually 'tease' Me from time to time but My true Friends back Me up and also, if Their Your Friends,
1. Ask them to not do it like "Could You not do that please?"
2. If they dont, join in groups of People that tease them at every chance You get that seems right and not to obvious.

It works! It puts them back into Their box!