like a cake crumbling

[Gumleaf]

things aren't getting any better with me. i'm feeling so down and stuff and its not great at all. there are so many bad things around me that keep dragging me down and it puts so much pressure on the couple things in my life that can actually keep me from going down the depressive path. i feel like i'm in a hole where there is like no way out. i hate it, so much i hate it. just everything thats there. the first thing that has me depressed is my mum. i've posted about this before but as it gets closer i'm getting more and more scared and freaked out. she has surgery tomorrow afternoon so they can do biopsy's to look for cancer. people know i'm scared and freaked, but they don't know that i've gone to bed the last couple of nights crying, and not even at night, everytime i think abut it i feel like i want to cry and stuff. i feel so stupid, and this is just, idk, horrible and i hate it. then there is me being sick too. if i wasn't bad enough before getting sick, now i'm annoying everyone else because i keep getting down because i'm lonely and stuff. i hate this. everyone has to spend time alone sometimes. why can't i deal with it? why do i have to feel the love all the time? its just so stupid and i'm basically a nutter. i put pressure on my friends, well, the few i have and my girlfriend and sister in particular. i feel like i'm just more of a burden to everyone and that everyone would be better off without me. i hate all this, i really do, it just sucks so much. and now today's counselling session will be a total waste because i will probably talk about whats up with me and crying instead of figurng out how to fix me up. its so stupid and i hate everything, i really do. blahhhhhh

[theOperaGhost]

Stephen, first of all, do NOT be ashamed to cry or show your emotions to other people. The situation with your mom is scary and it is alright to worry and be emotional about that. Also, it is not a bad thing to want to be loved and to get lonely when you are not around people. SOME people like to be alone at times, but there are probably just as many people that can't stand being alone, it's not a bad thing.

Lastly, you are NOT useless. It seems a lot of 15 year olds feel like this. When you are 15 you are in a transition of being a kid to being an adult. You feel like you NEED to contribute to society, however you don't (to the extent 15 year olds seem to want to). You are limited to the things you can do to be useful in society. Fifteen is not a good age. You are no longer a kid with little to no responsibility, but you don't have the full responsibility and impact on the community as an adult. Be patient. Adulthood comes quickly. You are NOT useless.

[Zephyr]

No crumbling cake for you!

Crying is GOOD.
Don't you dare feel otherwise.
I cry all the time and it helps!

And the teen years are hell for everybody,
Guaranteed!
You CAN get through it, I know you can.

*huggles*

You know I'm always a text away hun.