School Violence ... Again

[Jman35]

Alright, there is a kid in our grade, who has had horrible reputation, but he isn't the nerdy kid that bullies pick on, he starts his own fights, and gets horribly wrecked...

This was long ago, but I finally decided to post something about it.

(This is one example of the things he does)

This kid, well call him A. Well A, started something with my friend, while my friend tried to avoid fighting. My friend is shorter, by about 7 inches, but he is much stronger and has been in previous fights. Well call my friend B.

Now A started problems with B over a weekend. While B tried to avoid fighting, A called him names like pussy, little bitch, wuss, etc. B just said, whatever nobody cares about what he says its not worth it.

Finally A gets to B, and B warns him to watch his back on the next day. (monday)

Monday comes around and A tries to hide, but before 1st class starts, B finds him (near my locker because he was talking to me). He confronts him and throws 4 punches and A dropped to the floor, where B continued.

The fight was horrible, he suffered a concussion and a broken nose, and there was blood everywhere.

Problem : This kid seriously gets beat up like 6 times a year, at the least. I want to feel bad for him, but he is the one that starts everything. He is not the victim of bullying. It's not like people just come up to him and start throwing punches, he starts the fight and escalates it.

I know him, what can I do? I don't want him being the kid that commits suicide next year, because he was picked on, but at the same time, he is the one that starts everything, it is completely his fault.

Can I help him? What do I say? Do I ignore it and hope? :eek:

[Mzor203]

Well this an interesting case.


Have you talked to this kid, A, about it before? Because it seems like maybe it's just not getting through to his head that he's the one who is starting all of these fights. Maybe he just isn't thinking before he does things and then it's too late by the time he realizes that he's messed up. In any case, someone has to do something to try to make him see that this is dangerous for him.

If nothing gets through to him, well, it might be wise to talk to an authority figure about this. Hopefully someone in a bit more of a position of power would be able to get things into his head better. And, if not, they can do what they can to stop anything from happening in the future, even though that might be hard.

If no one can make him see sense, then, well, there's a bit of a problem. I hate to say it this way, but maybe after a while he'll just learn that these fights aren't putting him ahead in the world.

[INFERNO]

Perhaps nobody has ever talked to him or he doesn't know any better. I don't exactly see a purpose in what he's doing, unless he's a) planning to manipulate them or already is in other ways , b) has done it elsewhere and it gave him some good results , c) he gets a rush out of it. You would only continue repeating such a behavior if it is beneficial somehow. It could be that some part of the fighting gives him excitment or a rush, so he wants to keep on doing it. However, the interesting part is that you said he ran away for a bit, indicating he was scared and didn't want it.

I could see many disorders causing this but there's far too little information to even think of selecting one of them.

If you are to talk to him, don't start off with telling him to stop (you can if it will make you happy or if he initiates or asks about it). Try to figure out why, what makes him do this. You have to treat it at the root. It's like a weed; pull off a few leaves and it grows, may even spread but pull the bugger by the roots and toss it away, and that weed is gone. There may be more than one cause, or a chain of causes, which can make it difficult. Also, if he doesn't know you or trust you that much, you may not get the truth or only one tiny bit of the truth.

It could be a more simpler explanation: he wants attention and at his home, he doesn't get attention. Perhaps he has siblings and they do a similar method or for some reason, this method works.

Regardless, I can suggest a variety of possible causes but ultimately, you're the one who would talk to him. Maybe it's not craving attention, maybe it's not because he likes it, maybe it's something different.

[Dale]

I just have to tell you that fights are getting more and more common in the school yards, I'm in year 10, haven't had 1 fight since i cleaned my act up in year 5 (except for that time someone stabbed my with a pen so i kicked him). Are you still friends with B? If so just remind him to keep calm, cool and relaxed next time someone calls him names and use words not fists.