I'm gay and scared

[Skuzzy]

First off let me say I'm new here and I hope I can get good advice.
Ok I'm gay. I've had anal sex, oral sex, the whole shi-bang. I'm proud,but terrified.. My school has a strong hate for gays. With some exceptions, Luckily there's a club called the gay straight alliance. Unfortunatly anyone in the club is deemed gay and ridiculed for the rest of the school year. Of course I stick up for them then the comments come shooting at me. I should say I have come out to NO ONE. I want to join the club I want to come out but I'm scared of the results. I don't want my freshman year to be the worst time of my life. (ironic?) what should I do? How do you other gays and lesbians deal with the issue of school?

[Mzor203]

In this kind of situation, what really might be the best is to just hold off telling anyone. If the people in your school hate gays, well, sometimes there just isn't a ton you can do about it. You might just have to tough it out and make it through the rest of high school as best you can.

I think you'll find that once you get to college things become a lot easier, and the people there are more mature and accepting of different people. So at least you have that to look forward to.

The other option is coming out, and showing your proudness and support for gays. If you really dedicated yourself to the gay-straight alliance, and tried to help people see that there's nothing wrong with being gay, maybe you could make a difference. Maybe you could be the factor in your high school that changes this hatefor gays that pollutes it so much.

So, it's all up to what you want to do. Do you want to keep things normal for yourself but hide your feelings? Or do you want to stand up for gays and possibly make a difference?

[byee]

I'm glad you found us.

One of the things I've noticed here is that while everyone can get something of value being at VT, it's the gay population that seems to get the most, for all the reasons you've vividly shared here. I suppose on some level I knew gays face much more intensity for being who they are, but until I got here, I guess i never really appreciated the extent of it. It really has been an eye opening experience for me to hear about it first hand and to see the benefit of acceptance at online places like VT. :)

I think what you're needing here is some support, the type that comes from being with people like yourself, who can provide the acceptance and reassurance you (and everyone) really needs. I think schools, in their recognition of this, offer clubs, but they also fail to take into consideration the prevailing adolescent culture which really derides difference from the mainstream. Why this club isn't more discreet is beyond me, maybe you could talk with your guidance counselor about it. People shouldn't be targets for getting what they need, nor for who they are, and the authorities should recognize that and provide a way of addressing both your need for support AND privacy.

I think there are a lot of ways to get support for who you are without necessarily putting either your privacy or well being at risk. Eventhough your sexuality is a major part of who you are, I think it might be very good to also realize you are not defined by it. Regardless of how big an issue it appears, it is still just one part of who you are, there's a lot else that makes you who you are. I'd suggest focusing on those parts, and getting the support and acknowledgement for being a good athlete or artist or musician or *whatever* else it is that helps define you.

Support and acknowledgement come from many different sources, and eventhough it might not be from that particular source that you might need the most right now, it still feels pretty good and really does give you what you need. There's time later on for acknowledgement and supoport for being gay, and as it is for everyone else, we sometimes have to make choices based more on pragmatics rather than the ideal.

Focus on getting what you need by focusing on those other parts of yourself.

[Skeln]

Well...if you want I suggest joining the club. Just ignore all of the negative coments, don't look sad and mopey and don't make a big deal out of them. Just pretend that none said them. That's what I do and they leave me alone for whatevwer reason they're taunting. People taunt to get either a sad or angry reaction which, in some sick way, gives them pleasure and ,makes them feel secure about themself. Just ignore them and pay no attention to them. (Sorry for all the mistakes, I'm typing fast and doing the best I can but I've got alot of things to do in such little time...so why am I still typing)?

[Gabriel Y.]

My suggestion, dont come out yet. Already done all that? Well I have to say I am quite jealous :P Honestly though, you have all the time in the world. I dont play on coming out until I have a reason to (such as a boyfriend). Though I honestly dont care if people find out, buy im in a different situation. My school is quite accepting of gays so... yea. You can always go with the cliche! Come out when your a senior ;) Course who and when you come out is up to you. Im a freshmen in high school, 14, and right now Im dealin with school and hopefully soon with a boyfriend so good luck whatever you choose to do.

[Maxeditout]

We go to same school i think lol but have not joined the club but ppl in the club know about me im also a jr and still an undercover gay

[confusedboy]

I'm in the same position: freashmen, gay, had all the sex, wanna come out but am scared. What I'm gonna do is wait as long as I can. I do wanna come out my junior year though.

[Maxeditout]

Its not im not ready to come out or anything but if anyone says anything ill end up gettin in a fight