The Bystander

[ShatteredGlass]

I see ppl like every day who get picked on, i guess bullied. Not like that whole shove u into lockers, through you down the stairs thing but like verbally acting like someone has some sort of infectious disease and i say stuff (most the time, tho when i dont i feel guilty) about it, like stop, it's rude, it's unneccesary. But you know i'm not the norm. In fact i havent seen ne one else in my school besides me try and do something about, ppl just sit there and stare and watch it happen or do nothing. Why? What do you do? What kind of bystander are you? i guess would be my question. Passive, passive aggressive, assertive, aggressive, violent?

Because when you do nothing you're really no better than the bully.

[Sapphire]

I was bullied for near enough my whole time in school and no one would ever say anything. It made me feel like shit. Like I was truly alone.

I am a bit of a cowardly thing when it comes to this type of thing because of my history but I do try to speak up for their victims.

[adam dockery]

well i used to bullt ppl, well i bullied the ppl who bullied other ppl, if that makes since. People who dont deserve to be picked on shouldnt be. So find a flaw that the bully has, anything that he doesnt like about hinself and just attack it, i mean constantly, if hes picking on a kid, just but in and say "well at least he isnt fat like u" or somthin like that. With those type off ppl u have to fight fire with fire, beleive me

[Atonement]

I am an assertive bystander. AKA, I don't stand by, if I see something that is not right and should not be happening, I speak up when it isn't any of my business.

For future reference, try not to use colour modification in your posts very often because its hard to read on some skins. On vBulletin style, its virtually impossible to see. So, if unnecessary, leave it out.

[byee]

I'm with you, hun. I have a big mouth which is firmly attached to a quick mind, so when I see an injustice, It's not a very pretty site, esp. for the person on the receiving end.

As people of conscience, we all have an obligation to stand up against injustice.

[lamboman43]

Geez, I wish there were people like you guys at my school. I try to be assertive for the victims. I think thats part of the reason i'm bullied. When ever I stand up for the victim the bully just turns to me and runs his mouth.

[Destiny&Desire]

Omg I'm just like you on that!

I used to get bullied by this one group of girls (and sort of still do, but whatever), and then they stopped bullying me and now they're having a go at this other girl. I recognise what they're doing because it's exactly what they used to do to me (not physical, but emotional/psychological bullying).

I can't stand up to them though because I had enough sh** with them previously and don't want to cause more fuss.

It just annoys me when I see it, though, because I talk to this girl on her own, and she tells me that what they do bothers her, but she denies that it is bullying. And that's what really gets to me - she won't accept that she's being bullied and they're not being fair with what they're doing to her.

But I guess you can't force people to accept some things...

[Sapphire]

There is no way I could stand up to the ones who bullied me!
I can only stand up for people noticably younger than me and who are being bullied in a non-physical way.

Maybe those of us who have been bullied are like extra wary...

[adam dockery]

i wouldnt stand up to a girl either, they can get vicious

[Ladysman]

I try to help but then im short so i then get picked on lolz

[charlie w]

wow, i wish i went to some of your schools, in my 6th year at junior school i was beaten up in front of a teacher. he just looked at us and asked if we were having fun (not so cool). i try to help now if other people are being bullied but like ladysman said above-being small does not help matters.

[Truth]

wow, i wish i went to some of your schools, in my 6th year at junior school i was beaten up in front of a teacher. he just looked at us and asked if we were having fun (not so cool). i try to help now if other people are being bullied but like ladysman said above-being small does not help matters. Being small has nothing to do with it. I've been the biggest, strongest kid in my grade since kindergarten (Now in seven), i've been bullied until grade 7, whether emotionally or physically. I now have very bad back probs cause of elementary.. But, if i saw some one actuallly trying to hurt some one i'd break it up, unless they were joking (Which most people do, in my school). Me, the strongest kid in my grade got bullied. So i don't see why you can't help if your small.

[ShatteredGlass]

i wouldnt stand up to a girl either, they can get vicious

See, when they get "vicious" I laugh, I have about 2 friends and I'm okay w/ that because they are true friends. They've spread rumors about me, one that still circulates is that I'm bisexual, I'm not, but I'm not gonna make-out with some random dude to prove it, I dont have to, I know I'm not and guess what, my boy friend knows I'm not to. Other random inappropiate rumors, that I know arent true and my friends know arent true but other people don't.

My philosphy, if you can't say it to my face it's really none of my buisness.

[NightFighter]

I wish i could stand up to the buliies. If im with my friends we will start laughing at the bully, try to make them feel small, worthless.
It depends really on my mood that day. If im angry or in a bad mood il stand up for myself and others. My big mouth has something to do with it. "Fuck off" and "Jerk ass" just seem to roll of my tongue whenever i see someone bullied lol Atleast it takes off the attention off the victim for a little while. When i next see the victim around school i try to always smile at them. Just so they know they arent alone, that not everyone is like that, to give them hope. Hopefully it works. I used to be bullied. I hate how teachers and peers dont do something about it! That really angers me.

[japanman]

If you have seen bleach then you should know me.

"I ain't such a saint that I can promise to risk my life for strangers. Neither am I scum enough to sit quietly by while people are getting hurt before my eyes." Ichigo Kurisaki

I think its wrong to just say to someone who does nothing that they are no better than a bully because think about this.
How far can you run? How far can you go? Can you make it across the street in time to help the old lady or can you not?

I cant explain it, i just cant. But basically i think its the actions somone does and not the actions they dont do that make a person a monster (bully)
"It's not the face that makes someone a monster. It's the choices they make with their life!" - Naruto Uzumaki

Thats why i think that if you hurt someonelse you can be called a bully but you might not be a bully, To others they might think your a bully cause you hurt somone, but the truth is why did you hurt someone.

I think this subject is too advance for any human, animal or anything to comprehend because of our emotions, We all have that little critic inside just waiting to judge something. So ya..

im just gonna stop there, i cant even understand what i think let alone explain what bystander i am, so i leave it at this.

BTW i was not reffering to anyone on this site, or anyone in real life, and i wasnt trying to make anyone offended or anything. And this may not even be what i really think because i cant really explain my thoughts. so if i did offended anyone please tell me.


hmm me thinks tahts all i has to say :yes:

[cool person]

I used to be like you. I would see someone getting bullied or teased, And I would be one of the first to step in. Then in about 8th grade, I started getting bullied and teased about everything...just so happened to coinside with troubles at home...

Now, to be perfectly honest, I kinda enjoy watching others teased. It felt good to see that I wasn't the only one, and it also usual meant that I wasn't being bullied in the moment.
I feel bad for not stepping in, but I also feel powerless to help, its not like they actually listen to my opinions or anything.

I'm not trying to defend my actions ( or lack of), but I think it important not to judge people without really knowing the whole story

[Project Delta]

I am a passive bystander, i would try and help and i think about it but i never do because then i think the bullies will turn on me and because i have been bullied for the last 8 years, i am pretty scared of it now.

[Specter]

I'm with you, hun. I have a big mouth which is firmly attached to a quick mind, so when I see an injustice, It's not a very pretty site, esp. for the person on the receiving end.

As people of conscience, we all have an obligation to stand up against injustice.

I'm the same way! :yeah:

[INFERNO]

You seem to have mentioned the social psychology concept of the Bystander Effect, which states that in a given situation involving a problem (i.e. someone being bullied), the more bystanders there are, the less likely it is for a bystander to step in and help. It's akin to having 1 shy person resolving an issue versus 10 shy people resolving the same problem. The more bystanders there are, the more the sense of duty to help is distributed and the more the bystanders think someone else will hop in because hopping in to help is against the social norm, however, once one has hopped in, it's more likely that other bystanders will then hop in, especially if the situation gets worse.

Myself, I judge the situation, I see what the issue at hand is and the relationships I may or may not have with the people involved and the bystanders. However, and most importantly to me, and what some may say is selfish, is seeing the usefulness of each individual involved in the problem. After that decision, which takes not even a few minutes, I'll either hop in or I'll stand there.

However, once I hop in, then I make sure to commit and stop the issue.

[Sapphire]

You seem to have mentioned the social psychology concept of the Bystander Effect, which states that in a given situation involving a problem (i.e. someone being bullied), the more bystanders there are, the less likely it is for a bystander to step in and help. It's akin to having 1 shy person resolving an issue versus 10 shy people resolving the same problem. The more bystanders there are, the more the sense of duty to help is distributed and the more the bystanders think someone else will hop in because hopping in to help is against the social norm, however, once one has hopped in, it's more likely that other bystanders will then hop in, especially if the situation gets worse.
Helping isn't against the norm. Helping behaviours from bystanders are noticeably decreased when more of them are there for a number of different reasons. In addition to the one you have mentioned, another is pluralistic ignorance. If no one registers the event as an emergency which requires help then other bystanders are significantly less likely to register the individual as in need of their help. Not because social norms dictate that they don't help.
Also, if someone is already helping then people are more likely to walk on by as they may theorise that the person helping is more qualified and has it under control.

[Reality]

I've been bullied and people have just simply bestood me, hell even a teacher a few times. It makes me feel really embarrassed and craptacular. But I realize this is moreso out of fear of getting bullied themselves.

Once, I stood up to a bully, and the class went quiet, then after I was talking to a girl who said I was actually really brave to do that.

I bystand bullying myself, to be honest. Even my friends. Although, I always speak to them straight after to make sure they're okay, I stopped standing up for other people directly, though. It's really out of fear of getting the guns turned on you.

It's hard to be the Good Samaritan when someone you don't know or don't like is getting bullied, although I do feel bad at times.

[Project Delta]

I felt bad because on the bus today someone was getting bullied, he didnt deserve it, and it was all going on around me i know i should have helped but i didnt. the part i can be proud of is everyone else was laughing and i was just ignoring it and not joining in, which is bad but not AS bad