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View Full Version : Complicated!

Furn_93
February 25th, 2009, 11:36 AM
Ok, I dunno if this should go in Teen Sexuality or not, but its more relationship orientated anyway.

But anyway, I thought I fell in love with this guy. I thought it best to be friends with him, and I felt kinda obligated to tell him (stupidly). So like 2 years ago I ended up being best friends with him. This relationship, which I would say was pretty close, lasted about 4 months. I told him after we had a stupid argument about a party, and then we just stopped talking to each other completely.

Then, suddenly, he unblocked me, and talked to me again. This was late December, and we started talking to each other everyday. But after only a week and a half, it just tapered off. Originally, he said hey every time, then it ended being me every time, and eventually I just stopped. We didn't talk to each other in person at all during this time, and I didn't think it would be best to try and talk it out, because last time I tried that it was a disaster, so I just left it without annoying him.

But, I really don't know what he's thinking. When I told him, he said nothing at all and kinda ignored me for a while, then it was like we never knew each other. He touched my hand on purpose once, like kinda stroked it.

But recently, i've caught him looking at me every now and then, we were also like taking the piss out of people together at a drama thing we both do, and being friendly to each other. I would consider myself over him now, but I still definitely have a crush on him. I just don't know what he's feeling. Did he stop because he was afraid we were getting too close? And what on earth does he feel about me? His sexuality is a mystery to everyone, he never gives a straight answer to a question like that ever, and I don't think having a 'chat' would ever work with him. I'm just confused and need to know where our relationship to each other stands, so I can get on with my life.
byee
February 25th, 2009, 12:24 PM
Yeah, not knowing is the worst part. But let's foregt about the sexual/emotional piece for a moment, I think that's intensifying this.

This is someone who you consider a friend (again, let's forget about alll the *other * stuff). You guys obviously hit it off and connected, and that connection was/is based on many things othber than the *other* stuff. That's what you both might be responding to now, and certainly, that might be a larger part for him than you.

So, maybe it would be best to tolerate your anxiety at the ambiguity of it, and just proceed with the 'safe' part of the relationship, the friendship. Maybe you should focus on those things that yo have in common, the talking, etc., that obviously works for both of you.

With time, things grow and develop on their own (or they collapse), so it's really just a matter tof time until you either figure out what his feelings are, or he just comes right out with it.

Hang in there, tolerate the ambiguity, and with time, things will be clearer. If you push it, you might scare him away.
Furn_93
February 25th, 2009, 12:53 PM
So, basically, take opportunities to talk to him when they arise, but don't try and act clingy or like i'm desperate to talk to him again? Because after the time where it happened and then collapsed really put me off, like it just caused more damage than did any good at all. And of course, I doubt he's gonna talk on msn much more. Its very annoying though, because I seem to make progress then he blanks me. And at school there's no communication other than the looking, but at drama he's always more relaxed.... maybe he's afraid of people judging him? Thanks for the help :)

Also, he doesn't know whether or not i'm over him. I'm not sure what he would make of it, because after all he could like me back and be afraid to say? But its always that not knowing... :(
byee
February 25th, 2009, 01:12 PM
Yes, tolerate the ambiguity and just see what happens. If he's most comfortable in drama class, then just hang out with him there and refocus on being a friend, w/o any of the other issues or feelings coming out. On MSN, leave it alone for a while, see what happens.

Until he sorts this out for himself, his feelings about you and *stuff*, it's best to give him time and space, as well as a small sample of the other parts of your friendship, which might not be as complicated or distresing for him. Let him get back in touch with those feelings about you that were both positive and non sexual.

It'll clarify itself soon enough. You just have to be Ok taking on a less active role here, as that seems to threaten him, and when he feels threatened (by the feelings) he withdraws. I know it sounds contrarian, but sometimes to move forward, you have to hold back, but it often works, especially when 'moving forward' is beyond your control.
Furn_93
February 25th, 2009, 02:20 PM
Well there's only four drama lessons left until he leaves, and after that there's pretty much no time i'd see him other than at school.... I don't know how i'd get into conversation or even talk to him after that...

I tried cycling home with him after drama about thee times, one of which was really good, but that was in December, the two times I did it afterwards was awfully awkward and on edge.
Furn_93
February 27th, 2009, 10:46 AM
So no-one else has any thoughts on this?
Furn_93
March 1st, 2009, 02:49 PM
No one at all? Guys pleeease I need advice.
IAMWILL
March 1st, 2009, 08:02 PM
Umm... First off please don't triple post, just edit your posts. Well I see why you think this is complicated because to me, it seems like he just doesn't know what to expect from you and other people. Maybe, to him, there is something about you that he likes sometimes, but feels uncomfortable about at other times. Also, maybe he just isn't all that into you. Things like this happen, it's teenage drama, best you can do right now is wait it out.
Oblivion
March 2nd, 2009, 12:27 AM
Umm... First off please don't triple post, just edit your posts. Well I see why you think this is complicated because to me, it seems like he just doesn't know what to expect from you and other people. Maybe, to him, there is something about you that he likes sometimes, but feels uncomfortable about at other times. Also, maybe he just isn't all that into you. Things like this happen, it's teenage drama, best you can do right now is wait it out.

If no one has replied in 2-28 days, it's OK to bump, multiple times too if the circumstances are correct.
IAMWILL
March 2nd, 2009, 12:31 AM
If no one has replied in 2-28 days, it's OK to bump, multiple times too if the circumstances are correct.

hmm makes sense didn't know about that. So thank you.
Furn_93
March 2nd, 2009, 01:48 PM
Ok thanks. I just needed closure on the advice, in a way to put it. I didn't mean to bump, thats why I waited 2 days just in case anyone did reply.

So generally, just wait it out until what? He speaks to me? Cos that could be another whole year....