One of The Rarer Times...

[Oblivion]

When I come to VT for help. :P

Anyways, so theres this friend. In person, she likes me, we're friends, we have fun, we're pretty close etc.
But then online, or in txt etc. she's kind of... Anti caring.
She rarely-never returns txts, messages, IMs, comments, the works. I know she txts and messages and IMs a lot of other people often, even people I know she doesn't like.
Then she also seems kind of like she wishes I wouldn't talk to her. On MySpace for instance, if I comment on a picture, or bulletin, she deletes the whole thing (the whole bulletin, or the picture, not just my comment). Even if its completely nice/innocent. It seems almost as if she's embarrassed to be associated with me. But in person, she doesn't mind talking with me, sitting next to me, having fun, so on and so forth.

To me, it's really perplexing. Do you guys know what's up?

[Vicarious]

This is really confusing to me. Have you tried talking to her about it? I think guessing what the problem is at this point is pointless, sounds really strange to me.

I'd ask her directly what's up with that.

[Oblivion]

I haven't yet- I forgot that point. I am planning on talking to her about it, but I'm also afraid either I'm thinking this all up, or she'll act like I am.
SO like I said, I'm thinking of sitting down with her, and seriously talking about why.

[Vicarious]

You really should. If she acts like you're making it up, you know better. But keep in mind that there may be a legitimate excuse. Don't assume she's ignoring you; that was your first mistake.

Sit down and talk about it. Don't accuse, just ask. You should be able to tell if she's lying. If she does, don't make a huge scene out of it, just realize that she may not be as good of a friend as you thought.

[Oblivion]

Thanks. Sounds good.
I kind of 'accused' instead of 'questioned', because I did talk to her about it once a long time ago.
Since she denied it, and I accused instead of asked, it was hard to talk about it. So it kind of just trailed off, and we forgot about it.

[Vicarious]

No problem.

Yea, girls hate accusations and assumptions. And as guys, it's like our natural thing to do to accuse and jump to conclusions. I know it's hard, but if you try your best not to accuse or assume and you fight fair, you'll always still have the girl's respect!

[Oblivion]

Well an update:
I haven't talk to her about it yet, but we're talking in general a lot more, which is good.
Maybe soon I'll talk to her about it... Or just ignore it. It's not friendship threatening.

[Destiny&Desire]

That seems quite strange to me.

Maybe she's one of those people who has an "online persona" and a "real-life persona", and she doesn't like to mix the two?

She still has no reason to just delete things like that as if they never happened.

But if it doesn't threaten your relationship, does it really matter? As long as you both don't live on the internet, then you're still fine in reality =]
x x x

[Jordan...14]

what you should do is comment on something on facebook/myspace or whatever then if she deletes it like you think shes doing (im not saying your making it up) then just ask her why she deleted it

[Oblivion]

No no, she doesn't delete my comment specifically (that's why I'm having trouble figuring out if I'm being paranoid or if it's genuinely her), it's just that when I comment on a photo, or bulletin, she deletes the whole photo, or whole bulletin.
It could be coincidence that she doesn't like the thing suddenly, or it could be my comment.
If I comment her actual profile, she just ignores it.

[Jordan...14]

so if you comment on a photo and then that photo is deleted you cold ask her why she deleted that photo in general

[Oblivion]

That sounds like a good idea. It makes it sound less like 'Why did you delete what I said?' and more like 'Why did you delete that beautiful photo?'

[Jordan...14]

Precisely. Good luck with that, and if you do that and get an answer I'd be curious as to what it is

[byee]

I don't know what's more noteworthy here, Nick: Her inconsistent response to you (life Vs. virtual), or your decision to not address it directly with her, or even recognizing that as an option (perhaps the best option).

There's only one way to determine what's going on, why she's one way with you real time, and quite so different virtually. It would seem to me that the task isn't so much to try to guess what's going on with her, but rather to ask it in a way that gives you the answer (directly from her), yet doesn't sound accusatory. That might be the problem here, your difficulty sounding purely observational ("Hey, did you get my message last night on face book? I didn't see it later on and was wondering what happened".), rather than saying it in a way that indicates your own feelings (of rejection) which makes whatever you're saying sound accusatory. Can you work on talking with her in a purely observational way?

When people do things that are contrary to the way they typically are, it's sorta natural to feel miffed by them and to want to better understand the discrepancy. You can do that if you keep your feelings more to yourself and speak only of what you're seeing, there's less chance of an unwanted result b/c she's seeing it too, and you're merely talking about a shared perception. Afterall, she's the one doing it. You just need to find a way to make it easy for her to explain herself, and that's easiest of you talk factually, about what you're seeing.

There's time later on to share your feelings, but right now you need some more info about what happened before you do that. It's better than doing nothing and grinding over it or feeling hurt and not expressing it.