hi,iwouldliketovent

[retrecir]

i know i should get help, but i just can't.
i seem to want this.
i've been plagued by calorie counting thoughts and planning,
feeling like a failure when i eat,
feeling happy when i don't eat.
which is terrible really, because you should feel good when you eat.
i've been restricting my calorie intake for awhile now,
not eating anything more than 500 calories a day,
sometimes less.
i have binged
and i have purged often.
i am rather thin as it is,
and my mother is noticing how thinner i am getting.
i feel immensely guilty for not eating when my mom thinks i am,
but i can't help myself not to.

i have not eaten all day, except for a yogurt and lots of tea and water.
i guess i am fasting until i faint.

i am too scared to get help.
i know what is to come.

thanks.