Loneliness

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Ahh... Valentines Day is over and done with now but I gotta admit, special days like those probably create even MORE feelings of depression or loneliness for us folks that happen to be single.

Does anyone else feel this way? And how can I POSSIBLY get out of this rut I'm in of being single and almost physically unable to get a relationship (i.e. confidence issues etc.).

Thanks for the help.

Oh crap sorry I posted this in the wrong section (this should probably be in Relationships & Dating) could a mod please move this? Thanks

[theOperaGhost]

I can't imagine you having confidence issues.. :P

You seem to have a lot of confidence online, now just take that confidence (maybe tone down the language a bit) and go out and talk to some girls. Talk about things that they are interested in (not necessarily what you are interested in). Most girls probably wouldn't find heavy metal all that interesting. I just can't see you having a problem putting yourself out there. I have a feeling it's more so knowing what to talk about, but hey, I don't know what you are like in real life.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

I can't imagine you having confidence issues.. :P

You seem to have a lot of confidence online, now just take that confidence (maybe tone down the language a bit) and go out and talk to some girls. Talk about things that they are interested in (not necessarily what you are interested in). Most girls probably wouldn't find heavy metal all that interesting. I just can't see you having a problem putting yourself out there. I have a feeling it's more so knowing what to talk about, but hey, I don't know what you are like in real life.

I'm pretty similar in real life; I obviously don't swear profusely though! I do seem to talk about things that might be interesting... if anyone actually listened to me :( but no one bothers to hear me talk about things like M theory and the heat death of the universe.

It's true, I am quite confident online, but I think that is just to make up for what I lack in real-life. I have a terrible fear of rejection/performance anxiety. I think I'm too hard on myself, but I can't conceive of anyone in my school "liking" me in the crush type of way (I could be wrong, but its just how my mindset happens to be, sadly).

I just need to figure out (with the help of you guys, of course) what kind of qualities do I have that would appeal to girls, and how I could use them to my advantage to get noticed more, and in a more positive way I guess.

[byee]

You are who you are, regardless of where that is. So, if you can do it online, you have the abilities to do it real time, too.

I think a lot of guys freak themselves out unnecessarily b/c they put waaay too much empahsis on 'asking someone out', as in formally, officially going out. The goal becomes that, something very official, and it's really scary, esp. if you've never done it or have other 'issues' with self confidence. But, most relationships start not so much with that formality, but grow slowly over time, starting with a simple "Hello" and a smile. Nothing freaky there.

Life isn't as official as 'asking someone out', though, it's far more subtle. And fortunately, it's the subtlety that makes it easier to accomplish your goal here. Just start by making small talk, an easy connection with someone new. Girls really aren't that mysterious or difficult, they're people like us (ok, ok, they smell a lot better and are much cuter!), but basically, there's no magic to connecting with them. Especially if you keep it simple.

Don't get too far ahead of the story, don't get over eager, b/c that leads to over anxiousness, and just start off with the goal of talking with someone new, who just happens to be a girl.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

You are who you are, regardless of where that is. So, if you can do it online, you have the abilities to do it real time, too.

I think a lot of guys freak themselves out unnecessarily b/c they put waaay too much empahsis on 'asking someone out', as in formally, officially going out. The goal becomes that, something very official, and it's really scary, esp. if you've never done it or have other 'issues' with self confidence. But, most relationships start not so much with that formality, but grow slowly over time, starting with a simple "Hello" and a smile. Nothing freaky there.

Life isn't as official as 'asking someone out', though, it's far more subtle. And fortunately, it's the subtlety that makes it easier to accomplish your goal here. Just start by making small talk, an easy connection with someone new. Girls really aren't that mysterious or difficult, they're people like us (ok, ok, they smell a lot better and are much cuter!), but basically, there's no magic to connecting with them. Especially if you keep it simple.

Don't get too far ahead of the story, don't get over eager, b/c that leads to over anxiousness, and just start off with the goal of talking with someone new, who just happens to be a girl.

I don't really have too much of a problem with "small talk" or even approaching girls. I just don't think I can really get beyond the "friend zone" phenomenon or I just don't come off as attractive. It's all very disappointing for me :(

Sorry for the double post, but this thread really belongs in relationships and dating. Please mr. mods, move it if you can! And.... give me advice with my "problems" :whoops:

[Oblivion]

Moving, and merged. In the future, please just edit the post [mods will be just as likely to see it], or report the post [much better actually].
Thanks.

[emelhairus9]

you're not alone there's a lot of single out there!you should go out and find and meet new friends...!just be yourself and keep being confident about yourself!i know you can do it...!goodluck.. i hope you find your right girl!:)

[byee]

I don't really have too much of a problem with "small talk" or even approaching girls. I just don't think I can really get beyond the "friend zone" phenomenon or I just don't come off as attractive. It's all very disappointing for me :(

Sorry for the double post, but this thread really belongs in relationships and dating. Please mr. mods, move it if you can! And.... give me advice with my "problems" :whoops:

Maybe you're thinking about it too much? It's far more daunting to think about being in a relationship, or how to get into one, then it actually is. Once you make a friend, who happens to be a girl, things naturally evolve.......either positively or negatively. There's not much too it, really, it's not so skill intensive.


All those 'personal' issues you might have, all those worries and self doubts are oh-so-mercifully NOT visible to others, they are very private. So, whoever is lucky enough to get to know you will form an opinion of you based on things far more objective than those self doubts!

Gte out there and do it, don't give it too much thought, either.

[triplethreat40]

try having a guys night out. that sounds really weird, but just do a bunch of "guy stuff" *manly grunt*. like when girls are down about relasionships, they go out, get their nails done, watch a chick flick, and consume copius amounts of chocolate. just do something that celebrates your singleness with other similar guys. it'll be fun!