How would I get my girlfriend to talk about having sex?

[Ninja Noob]

I accept all risks and responsibilities of it, and we're both virgins, but I really can't tell if she's up for it. I don't want to be too straight up nor do I want to look like a fag by not even mentioning it and letting her make the first move. I'm not a perv, but thought I should take our relationship a little farther since it seems to be escalating quite fast but skipping the sex stage.

so any advice?

[Sugaree]

You won't be a fag if you don't mention it first. Of course, you shouldn't be too straight out about it. Just give her time. Maybe she isn't in a state where she's ready to willingly talk about it with you. Not every relationship has sex involved. You should wait until she's ready. You can't say that the relationship is ready for sex. A relationship is not based on one person, but on both. When she's willing to talk about it, listen to her.

Don't get ahead of yourself. Just because you might be ready doesn't mean she'll be ready also.

[theOperaGhost]

My advice is to not let sex be the ultimate goal of a relationship. Sure sex is great, but it does not make up the relationship. I feel that if the time is right to have sex, it will just come up. Sex should be a good thing, however if it is rushed, it isn't a good thing. I know this. The time has to be right for both of you. Good luck, bud. :)

[Ninja Noob]

I see what you mean.

We've talked about it, not actually doing it, but like brief conversations of our virginity and such. I would like to experience sex, and I'm pretty sure she does too. But I don't know if I should take the chance to wait and let it escalate to the level or if I should take it smooth one day and just make a move.

And thanks for that advice man.

My advice is to not let sex be the ultimate goal of a relationship. Sure sex is great, but it does not make up the relationship. I feel that if the time is right to have sex, it will just come up. Sex should be a good thing, however if it is rushed, it isn't a good thing. I know this. The time has to be right for both of you. Good luck, bud. :)

Ahh I know it isn't the ultimate goal. I know I sound like a typical 15 year old boy, wanting pussy and tits from a girl, but trust me, I'm not like that. I treat her very well, and I'm pretty mature for my age. And that's what I'm scared of, rushing it. But yet I'm also scared of missing opportunities because oh man have I had more than enough of those...

[weebananas]

Well, it depends on how far the relationship is, how old you guys are, etc. If you've been going out with her for a while [a few months] and you've gotten physical before [kissing, cuddle, etc.] you should wait until you guys are sitting alone somewhere. Be like "Hey, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I want to make sure we're both ready" and ask her if she's ready for sex. Make sure you say it's no big deal, and let her know it's about what she wants. If she says no, just tell her that it's fine and whatnot.

EDIT: If you're really nice to her and don't get too too physical all the time, it shouldn't be too hard. She'll probably like the fact that you asked her before going too far.

[Ninja Noob]

Well, it depends on how far the relationship is, how old you guys are, etc. If you've been going out with her for a while [a few months] and you've gotten physical before [kissing, cuddle, etc.] you should wait until you guys are sitting alone somewhere. Be like "Hey, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I want to make sure we're both ready" and ask her if she's ready for sex. Make sure you say it's no big deal, and let her know it's about what she wants. If she says no, just tell her that it's fine and whatnot.

EDIT: If you're really nice to her and don't get too too physical all the time, it shouldn't be too hard. She'll probably like the fact that you asked her before going too far.

Thanks man. I'm 15, she's about a year younger. And trust me, when I say this is love at first site, IT IS. The first hours we met each other we were already kissing, passionately. She is not slutty, at all, it's just we took it really fast, but not uncomfortably fast.

[theOperaGhost]

Ahh I know it isn't the ultimate goal. I know I sound like a typical 15 year old boy, wanting pussy and tits from a girl, but trust me, I'm not like that. I treat her very well, and I'm pretty mature for my age. And that's what I'm scared of, rushing it. But yet I'm also scared of missing opportunities because oh man have I had more than enough of those...

I'm glad to hear that. You sound like a great guy. Talking about sex before it happens would be a very good thing. I say you should have a conversation with her about when she thinks sex would be alright/how far she would go. But I would say not to actually act on this at the same time. Talk about it on one date and save the act for the next time.

Now I have a question for you. How far do you want to go/have you gone? Are we talking touching/mutual masturbation, oral, or full-on sex? It really makes a difference. I don't think you should have vaginal sex without getting comfortable with the other stuff first.

[weebananas]

Well, I suggest doing what I said. You guys seem to have a really good relationship, and she shouldn't have a problem with you asking her... Especially if you do it like that. I'd honestly think that she'd like the fact that you're giving HER the choice.

Anyway, I'm glad that you guys have such a great relationship. If you do decide to talk to her about it, tell us how it goes, alright? :yes:

[Ninja Noob]

I'm glad to hear that. You sound like a great guy. Talking about sex before it happens would be a very good thing. I say you should have a conversation with her about when she thinks sex would be alright/how far she would go. But I would say not to actually act on this at the same time. Talk about it on one date and save the act for the next time.

Now I have a question for you. How far do you want to go/have you gone? Are we talking touching/mutual masturbation, oral, or full-on sex? It really makes a difference. I don't think you should have vaginal sex without getting comfortable with the other stuff first.

Thanks :)

How far I want to go I cannot tell, only time will. I do not have expectations that should go that far that an average (lack of a better word) relationship would have. The farthest we've gone is making out. But we always get walked in on. Ahhhh by sex, I would like to escalate to vaginal. Like first start by fingering her or something than maybe oral. If that's as far as she wants to go then I'm perfectly fine with it.

Well, I suggest doing what I said. You guys seem to have a really good relationship, and she shouldn't have a problem with you asking her... Especially if you do it like that. I'd honestly think that she'd like the fact that you're giving HER the choice.

Anyway, I'm glad that you guys have such a great relationship. If you do decide to talk to her about it, tell us how it goes, alright? :yes:

I'll be glad to :) Without being a little douche and bragging. And yeah I can't believe this happened. About two weeks before valentines day. Great luck, eh?

[weebananas]

Haha, well that's some great luck lol

Anyway, good luck if you decide to ask her. :)

[Ninja Noob]

Very. Seeing that most people got dumped and such. What an awkward day for my friend as he sat there near us. I feel bad but eh it was a great day :)

And thanks. I'll hopefully see her tomorrow and I'll post results tomorrow if I decide to ask.

[byee]

But yet I'm also scared of missing opportunities because oh man have I had more than enough of those...[/QUOTE

Sex isn't about an 'opportunity', it's about an emotional connection with the other person that's expressed thru a physical (sexual) one.

If you guys have only 'made out', then maybe it's all a little too premature to even discuss sex right now. Sex is a big step, especially the first time. It's not just about getting laid and experiencing what that is like, it involves another person, their needs, their expectations, and their emotions.......as well as your own. Sex changes things pretty dramatically. Usually people take that step successfully when the relationship has progressed to the point where the feelings and emotions of the relationship are pretty well established and well clarified. It's not just an 'opportunity'.

I think you should enjoy what you have, let the relationship progress a bit more, and see if the corresponding feelings develop to the point where this seems like a good step, rather than a possible opportunity.

[Ninja Noob]

But yet I'm also scared of missing opportunities because oh man have I had more than enough of those...[/QUOTE

Sex isn't about an 'opportunity', it's about an emotional connection with the other person that's expressed thru a physical (sexual) one.

If you guys have only 'made out', then maybe it's all a little too premature to even discuss sex right now. Sex is a big step, especially the first time. It's not just about getting laid and experiencing what that is like, it involves another person, their needs, their expectations, and their emotions.......as well as your own. Sex changes things pretty dramatically. Usually people take that step successfully when the relationship has progressed to the point where the feelings and emotions of the relationship are pretty well established and well clarified. It's not just an 'opportunity'.

I think you should enjoy what you have, let the relationship progress a bit more, and see if the corresponding feelings develop to the point where this seems like a good step, rather than a possible opportunity.

I hated to use that word, but you know I didn't mean like 'Hey I'm going to go to all of my friends and tell them I fucked my girl!' but more of I don't want her to think I'm not ready and think that I'm not mature enough.

I definitely enjoy what I have now, don't get me wrong. But I would like us to share that bond with each other, because we seem in our eyes that we are perfect. This isn't some 'hey I think you're cute I like you' type thing at all. We love each other for just about everything.

[byee]

Right, I udnerstand that you have real feelings for her, I'm not questioning that. I'm just not so sure about the logic of going from liking someone a lot to having sex with them. There's a lot in between, and frankly, it's pretty nice stuff, and I'm not talking aboiut rhe sexual things, either. You risk missing out on them if you skip to sex, esp. if it's to prove something to yourself or her. Sex isn't an event to communicate your confidence or masculinity, it's about committment and emotions.

I still think it's OK to think about sex, to fantasize abiut it with her, but to slowly build the relationship to the point where you're really both ready for it, without skipping the delicious middle steps.

[Ninja Noob]

Right, I udnerstand that you have real feelings for her, I'm not questioning that. I'm just not so sure about the logic of going from liking someone a lot to having sex with them. There's a lot in between, and frankly, it's pretty nice stuff, and I'm not talking aboiut rhe sexual things, either. You risk missing out on them if you skip to sex, esp. if it's to prove something to yourself or her. Sex isn't an event to communicate your confidence or masculinity, it's about committment and emotions.

I still think it's OK to think about sex, to fantasize abiut it with her, but to slowly build the relationship to the point where you're really both ready for it, without skipping the delicious middle steps.

I totally understand. And respect that. But ironically, she brought up sex. I don't think we would have vaginal sex or anal but at least oral and fingering.

Thanks a ton man.

[ILOVEYOU]

my advice is: if you really like to feel sex, you gotta invite your gf to your house one day which you are alone in the day. and tell her wanna see a movie??. and you know what kind of movie you should play (not porn, a Love movie, your call which movie). and then she will get it, you got it, and its done :D