I am a Coward

[Adam88]

I can't take it anymore. For the first time in my life I feel that I can't live anymore. The reason is because I am always afraid of people. Just last night I was working in my dads reastaurant, and one of those guys which some of you might have heard about, you know the ones who purchase something small with a big bill, and con you into giving them more money. He asked for 3 coffees, which are a $1 each. He gave me a $50 bill, and said keep a dollar for yourself. His change was 46 dollars back. I turn around to close the register, and he tells me I only gave him 6 dollars back. I know for sure I gave him 46 dollars, but he insisted that I didn't. So I gave him the forty dollars. I knew I was right, but I did not want to fight. noone was there to help, my farther wasn't there, and the only employee that was with me was a skiny little waitress. My point is that I am mostly mad at myself, and hate myself for being so scared of society. I knew that I was right, but gave the jerk the money anyway. I feel like killing myself, but I am to much of a coward to do it.I feel that I'll always be like this, and at times feel I do not deserve to live. Why am I such a coward? Even my younger sister has more guts than me. I am tired of being afraid.

[Antares]

Whoa.
Okay, when someone does that. DO NOT GIVE IN.
I am serious.
Call the manager. Call your dad. Whatever.
Use receipts too.
If I were you in that situation, I would say "I gave you the correct amount of change sir, would you like me to call the police to handle the situation?"
If they respond yes, call 911. If they respond no, then they should walk out.
Either way, its hurting your dads business, especially if this happens often. You need to learn how to say no.
Especially in that situation. Whats so bad about no, especially when you don't even know that person.

I see that you are from New York, not sure if you live in the actual city, which is a pretty serious city and you really need to watch out for yourself.
However, that does not mean you can give people what you want.
They are trying to intimidate you and get over on you because they see that maybe you will actually give in.
So my advice would to be first, check your appearance. If you are thin and small then you should start trying to take on a more "macho" appearance. Stick your chest out. Stand tall. Also, you need to think about whats so bad about standing up for yourself. I am pretty sure that guy wouldn't have done anything to you if you refused the money. Even if he did, learn how to defend yourself. Get some mace, go learn Karate. And even if you didn't have some type of defense you have the other waitress and you have no idea what she is capable of.

So, in general. Just next time. Do whats right. Don't think about consequences, just do.
Be resistant. Be resiliant.

Good luck :D

EDIT: I also noticed on your profile that you said you are shy. Why let people know that?
Don't show them that. That way, people will get over on you because they know you want do anyhting about it.
Why don't you attempt to be more vocal, especially when working

[Adam88]

your absolutley right, and I think thats why I hate myself even more. I don't know what it is, but its like a mental block and when it comes to situations like thsi I freeze. Surprisingly I am a big guy, and thats what makes me mad. I mean to simply think of the "911" example was good, but yet it didn't come to me. This is a situation I could have avoided, but because of my stupidity, I didn't. The samething happened to my younger sister, who works there by the way, as well as my mother, and they both didn't take that type of garbage. There was even a time where I was at a show with my friend, and a guy said that we were in him and his friends seat. For a slpit second I was about to get up, but my friend gave me this look like "whats the matter with you, where both here toghether, whats he gonna do to us?", so we didn't get up. I tell myself everyday that there certain things in life you should just not tolerate, and I wind up giving in anyway. My families mad at me, and I can't take this state anymore. Theres something wrong with me.

[Tiberius]

Some people might interpret that as you being a coward, however I would say that you were just trying not to cause a scene. Some thing like that could drive customers away. Personally I would have started going at it with the person, but that's just me...

[Adam88]

well, actually I have caused a scene ounce with some jerk yuppie customer, who accused my farther of stealing money from him. I got right in his face and told him how hard I was gonna kill him, because this little yuppie thought he was so scary. At the time, my farther was there, as well as the mangaer who pushed me into the kitchen to break it up. I felt good about myself for standing up to the guy, but then I noticed that if my farther, and manager weren't there, would I still do it. I guess thats why I call myself a stupid coward.

[byee]

Adam, I'm not really sure where you're getting the impression of yourself as being a coward from. In the restaurant example, I think you actually showed rather good judgement. Don't confuse the avoidance of an unpleasant, perhaps angry confrontation with a stranger with cowardice. He took advantage of a kid, anyone who does that cannot be trusted to back down in the face of opposition. For what? Forty bucks? I think perhaps you're angry at being violated, of being blatantly taken advantage of. Victims often feel that way, and it's hard sometimes to appreciate where the anger is coming from and what it's directed at. But don't confuse the anger at being violated with anger at yourself.

[Adam88]

Thank you Sam, I appreciate that. I suppose I just thought that the older I got, the better I would be at dealing with people, and did not want to go through my entire life as the guy who avoided doing whats right. There was a time when I was on a bus, and the driver threatened to kick off a mother and her two little girls for not having enough money to pay for all of them. So I got up and payed for them. I wanted to tell the bus driver what a low-life jerk he was for treating them like that but I didn't. So I suppose thats why I feel that I can't stand up for whats right. Thanks for the reply's everyone.

[byee]

You know, Adam, you're a rather strong person. Paying for the mom and her kids shows strength of character. There was no need to verbally confront the bus driver, your actions spoke eloquently enough. Words would have ruined it, actually.

It sounds like you DO stand up for yourself and do what's right. What you might be learning is that often 'standing up' fpr yourself doesn't always involve angry confrontation. Sometimes, good judgement means doing instead of saying.

Bravo, I think you're on the road to being a human.


'Rep +'

[Adam88]

Thanks again my friend. I suppose with the way in which the people around me, as well as my family wanted me to act gave me the lack of encouragement. I had this judgement that what I did was an ignorant thing, to to the way in which people saw it. So I see your point. Thanks again.

[Antares]

I think that there are some times when you are not wanting to cause a scene but some times when you freeze. You even said that yourself. You just need to focus on not freezing in these types of situations. Because in your mind you know whats right but you need to act on what is right, not just think to yoursef what am i doing ??//////////////.

[Adam88]

thanks again Saturn. Its hard to explain, perhaps its an emotion that turns on and off. You know, like a inhuman emotion thats hard to control, in which comes and goes as it pleases.

[Hyper]

You got some good advice here!

I wish I could've been first to reply here heheheh.. But thats alright, You may however PM me if in need. I'm a bit ashamed to say I've lived as a coward in the past, so I could give you some advice if necessary :P

[Adam88]

I would love to talk to you Hyper. I tend to get into a very depressive state, and need a brake from the garbage that goes on in my life. You know my farthers restaurant is located in the nastiest part of brooklyn, and the lowest of lowest come in there. This story is one of many situations that took place there, and it woulld take a long time to tell it. Sometimes it doesn't feel like a restaurant, but rather a bad mental institution. I appreciate the concern my friends.