Paranoia, Violent thoughts.......

[NightHawksr71]

Well, here goes.

Ever since I started high school I haven't been all that well connected with other people. I just find socializing with people harder. I can talk to my family and best friends but apart from that I'm just not all that comfortable..... and it usually seems awkward for me.

I've been having some violent thoughts/urges towards people usually that I don't really know/don't like but sometimes people I like(rarely though).... And its usually pretty violent and graphic.....and I just shrug it off, it doesn't seem to bother me, Sometimes it actually CALMS me. I won't go into details here though.

There is something else related to what I said above, but I don't think I will post it.

well, even before high school I was a little bit paranoid, Whenever somebody or a group of people laughed behind me or were talking, I've always thought they were talking/laughing about me. I always seem to feel as if certain things target me. Even though I know its not true.

Really just looking for advice. the thoughts/urges aren't really something to worry about, I'm not going to act on them.

Thanks in advance for the advice and help.

[byee]

There's that part about something being related to this but your not wanting to post it that concerns me. Maybe there's something there that, eventhough might be unpleasant, might also be related to your feelings?

I think the key here is to make sure all those thoughts, urges, and fantasies stay in your head, that you don't act on them. As long as that's the case, what you're dealing with are more unpleasant than downright dangerous.

Do you know why you have these intrusive thoughts?

[NightHawksr71]

There's that part about something being related to this but your not wanting to post it that concerns me. Maybe there's something there that, eventhough might be unpleasant, might also be related to your feelings?

I think the key here is to make sure all those thoughts, urges, and fantasies stay in your head, that you don't act on them. As long as that's the case, what you're dealing with are more unpleasant than downright dangerous.

Do you know why you have these intrusive thoughts?

short answer, I think I do yes. Long answer is a fairly long answer and I won't really put it up on the internet because it is kind of personal, and I don't think it will help much, theres not much that can be done.

The other thing that I said was related to the violent thoughts/fantasies was that I have gotten obsessed with blood. well I've always just liked the sight of blood, but now it relaxes me and makes me feel something I can't really identify, I just feel calm and relaxed, So I've taken to opening cuts just to see the blood. I've ran out of cuts to open up now.

[byee]

Perhaps it's time to tell someone and get some therapy? You could better understand where these thoughts and urges come from, and also develop ways of coping with them better.

[NightHawksr71]

Perhaps it's time to tell someone and get some therapy? You could better understand where these thoughts and urges come from, and also develop ways of coping with them better.

Not really liking the whole therapy thing, And how the heck would I explain this to my parents anyway? They don't know and I don't really want them to either. School would have to tell them no doubt, as it has a small possibility of endangering me or others, I don't really like the school counselors either.....

EDIT: I Suppose I'll just wait the 2 years till I'm 18 then my parents don't have to find out

[byee]

Waiting is an option if these thoughts don't intrude too much into your life and get in the way of forward progress. If they do, you'd have to come up with a way to get to someone who can help make them less bothersome.

Therapists are trained pro's, they can tell the diff btw'n a thought and a plan, so I wouldn't be too concerned about sharing.

[NightHawksr71]

It can be fairly intrusive I can be just sitting in the class listening(or not) to the teacher, when I just get the urge/image in my head of me killing someone in the room, yesterday it happened to be an image of me killing my teacher, Which did a good job of distracting me for a little while. but the urge/want whatever to see blood is what i'm worried about the most. Yesterday it got strong enough for me to seriously consider cutting myself just for the blood........

Is there anyway I can get rid of the seeing blood thing? or just make is weaker? I promised myself I wouldn't cut myself for any reason, I think this might be slowly destroying that promise, I'm not very good at keeping promises I made to myself.....

IAMSAM, Thank you so far for the help.

[NightHawksr71]

Well all of today I was thinking of making a cut to see the blood, I was surrounded by other people for the day so I couldn't. so I suppose thats a good thing.

I've already made a plan for if I crack how I'm going to hide it and all that.

[byee]

Well, if those thoughts and urges are really intrusive and you feel you cannot stop them, or they really interefere with *whatever* you happen to be thinking /doing, then I'd recommend you tell your folks and get to a doc.

Everyone has fantasies, even violent ones. It's the mind's way of relieving stress and getting rid of really bad feelings. You probably don't like that teacher, so you have those momentary fantasies to deal with the dislike. So, if you have these on a regular basis, it would indicate that you have a lot of really bad feelings.

With regards to the blood, I would encourage you to just use some self control and NOT cut or pick or *whatever* to see it. When you get that urge, try to think of something else or do something else. There are other ways of dealing with the stress that I think is causing the urge, something that's pleasant (and not harmful) to you. You want to substitute something OK for these 'not Ok' urges and fantasies.

(As a P.S., if I don't get back to you, it's b/c of all the other posts and demands here, PM me.)

[NightHawksr71]

I don't think they're quite THAT intrusive, it was odd, thought, I didn't actually dislike that teacher, I'm quite neutral when it comes to my opinion of that teacher.

Yeah, The cat kind of stuffed up my self control today, it scratched me and it started bleeding, then I started picking at it, however I will try to replace it with something else. not quite sure what but I'm sure I'll find something.

IAMSAM, Thanks for all your help.